Serenity Gardens (04.22.19)

Another lovely evening at Serenity Gardens. Photos by Kat.

What does it mean to worry? It's interesting, because there are a bunch of different types of worry, and not all of them are bad. Some, in fact, are pretty damn important. But other kinds of worrying are some of the most counterproductive behavioral traits of humans. I should add that I've never met a person who didn't worry at all; it's only a matter of degrees, and how much you can recognize their internal strife from the outside. I don't think that there is such a thing as a "carefree" human being.

The basic definition of worry is a verb that means to "give way to anxiety or unease; allow one's mind to dwell on difficulty or troubles." Let's start with that. To give way. To allow. This definition makes it seems like worrying is a choice... and that is correct. More on that in while. Worry is also a noun that is defined as "a state of anxiety and uncertainty over actual or potential problems". Interesting.

Real Problems, Real Worries
Let's start with some of those actual problems. If you are in a low-income family and become aware that you might not have enough money to pay your rent or utility bills, that is a very legitimate reason to be worried. You anticipate the reality of being homeless, or hungry, or sitting in the dark with your power turned off. The upside of this negative emotion is that you will likely push yourself to do whatever you can to avoid the results that are the focus of your worries. Should people have to live their lives being inspired purely by fear? I'd like to think that wasn't the case, and yet looking at the amount of time we spend doing things we'd rather not be doing in order to avoid these potential pitfalls in life, it would seem that worry is one of the primary motivational aspects in modern life.

Worry can lead to positive results. Scared about dying young due to obesity? Perhaps you will figure out a way to lose weight through exercise and diet. Concerned about getting lung cancer? Maybe you'll be inspired to quit smoking. This type of worrying is applicable to things that to a large degree are under our control. Our decisions and actions can lead to the elimination of the problem, and the fear dissipates as the problem no longer merits the previous amount of mindshare. It is, in that regard, healthy to worry about things you can control.

What If You Can't Control the Problem?
Then it's a problem unto itself. If you get on a plane, and you're not capable of flying the plane, you are putting your fate in the hands of a stranger, in a mechanism you don't fully understand. This truly bothers some people. They know that logically and statistically, air travel is extremely safe, much more so than being on the freeway they drive on daily. But that doesn't stop them from being nervous on planes, or from avoiding air travel altogether.

How about worrying about another person? A teenage son stays out late without your awareness of where he is or what he's doing. A beloved relative is going through a serious physical illness. A spouse is having a depressive episode. It could be said that one of the most noble and important of human emotions is empathy, and it takes a good person to devote emotional energy toward someone other than themselves. Still, that type of worry is draining, and involves elements that you simply can't control 100%.

How about worrying about a thing that no one can change, like... death? Some people get very preoccupied that one way or another, at some point they will not be alive any more. They can try to postpone death, but they can't prevent it. Or, on a more philosophical level, there's the specific worry called existential dread that many people experience at some point in their lives... a dawning realization that their own lives seem pointless or meaningless, and that they almost certainly will never fulfill what they perceive to be their own potential.

Finally is the concept of the phobia... an extreme irrational fear that can lead to aversion and obsessive behavior. Phobias are diagnosable and treatable, but that doesn't mean that everyone actually seeks treatment, or has the means (financial or otherwise) to get the treatment they need. The pervasive aspects of things like social phobias and anxiety disorders affect a larger percentage of the populace than most people are aware of, and in severe cases, they are devastating to the affected person's life and livelihood.

What's The Solution?
There is no solution. The problem lies within the concept of worry as a negative behavior. Worry can be thought of instead as a motivator for a person to find ways to make their lives better. People can learn to take more control of their worrying, choosing not to dwell on it, or developing skills to divert the worry into action, or to delay the focus on the worry until a time of their choosing. All of this sounds pretty easy, and for a lot of people, it's simply not. But the one thing I'd advise is to be aware that you are never the only worried person around. It's everyone (sometimes worried about the same things, or things that wouldn't concern you in the slightest but are meaningful to them), and it's everywhere, and the more you know about in life, the more there is to worry about. It's up to you, for the most part, as to how much energy you put into the focus of your worries. Like the saying goes, the things you feed will undoubtedly grow. Try not to make yourself miserable.

Hey, How About that Show?
Oh yeah, I did a show. I worry about those, you know. Not in a stage fright way. I'm a very experienced performer who's been doing this shit since I was in middle school. But I worry that people won't come to the show, or that I won't put on as good of a show as I know I'm capable of doing. And yeah, I try and prevent those things from happening to some degree -- by properly promoting my show, by being warmed up and ready to play. But I still worry, because I am a human.

But I had no reason to be concerned about this particular show at Serenity Gardens. We had a decent crowd of cool people, and I've noticed that since beginning my impressive cutback in cigarette smoking (perchance to quit in the near future), the clarity of my singing voice has improved noticeably. Speaking of smoking, that's obviously been on my mind a lot (say, at this moment... 3:30PM, having had three cigs all day as opposed to my former 12-13 by now), so I put together a little mini-set of songs that all had lyrical mentions about smoking. As I told the audience, I prefer to confront my demons head-on. Smoke 'em if you got 'em!

Photo by Kat.

Photo by Kat.

I always like noting that each and every show I do, in SL or otherwise, I put a lot of energy into it, and wake up the next day having sweated about over a pound.

Serenity Gardens set list...
Northern Sky (Nick Drake)
Dead Flowers (Rolling Stones)
*Your Song (Elton John)
Falling Down (Zak Claxton)
A Day in the Life (Beatles)
Help Me (Joni Mitchell)
On The Way Home (Buffalo Springfield)
Nobody Home (Pink Floyd)
Soul Kitchen (The Doors)
Ashes to Ashes (David Bowie)
It’s Choade My Dear (Connan Mockasin)
After The Gold Rush (Neil Young)
It's Easy Like Walking (The Sadies w/Kurt Vile)

*Indicates the first time I've performed this song in SL.

Big thanks to every person who came out to the show, with special thanks to the following who helped support it!
Kat Chauveau, xChazeHunterx Resident, Rusty Seisenbacher, Diana Renoir, Trouble Streeter, TheaDee Resident, Kat Claxton, Mavenn Resident, my excellent manager Maali Beck, and the fabulous team at Serenity Gardens, Tilly Rose and Ilsa Wilde.