Random News: June 18, 2022

DISCLAIMER: Zak's Random News is very random and doesn't cover many things, and not everything may be accurate, because I'm just some guy. Go find a real news source.

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Good morning. It’s June 18, 2022, and it’s a Saturday. Extreme random weekend things ahead…

• My high school graduation was on June 18, 1986. That’s (gets out calculator) 36 years ago today. So a kid who was born the day I graduated high school and then had a kid at 18 would have an 18-year-old adult child.
• Fuck I’m old. I remember in college working in a furniture store, and one day I asked the manager, who seemed very old to me at the time, how old he was, and he said he was 53. The idea that I’m as old as that old guy is mind blowing.
• I’m sure at some point it will bother me, this not being young. But honestly, and I swear this is true, I meet people in their 30s and 40s who seem SUPER older than me. I’m not talking about the gray beard and crow’s feet; I mean that mentally they’ve abandoned having fun and learning and finding joy in life.
• So they’re old; I’m cool; I win.
• Conservative news outlets all had simultaneous orgasms when staff members of Stephen Colbert’s Late Show were arrested for trespassing at the Capitol. Here’s my favorite line in the Fox News story…
• A spokesperson for CBS told Fox News that Triumph the Insult Comic Dog was on-site at the U.S. Capitol on Wednesday and Thursday to record interviews for a comedy segment on behalf of "The Late Show," and said the interviews were authorized and pre-arranged with Congressional aides.
• So Fox is trying to compare this to the Jan 6 coup, because of course they are.
• We’re going to run out of teachers. Who could be a teacher today? Stressed, underpaid, under appreciated, understaffed, and now expected to be some kind of armed commando to fight off school shooters?
• An educated populace is one of peace and prosperity for all. A lack of qualified teachers means life gets worse for literally everyone.
• President Joe Biden took a fall on his bike today. He’s fine. Got his foot stuck in the pedal’s toe cage. It happens.
• A quick reminder: Biden is 79, making him a year older than Mick Jagger and a year younger than…
• Happy 80th birthday to Paul McCartney! I know I normally group all birthdays at the end of these things, but it’s a big birthday for a rather important dude. Here’s a funny thought. In 1967, Paul recorded a goofy song called “When I’m Sixty-Four”. He was 24 when he made it. 64 seemed impossibly in the future, I’m sure. Now he’s 16 years older than that and still touring and writing music and seemingly having a great time.
• Life is funny that way. Perspective is funny that way.
• I just saw a headline that read, “How to Lower Your Risk of Getting Monkeypox During Sex”. Can I just say, no sex is worth monkeypox. Imagine the sexiest person in the entire world. Now imagine monkeypox. Sex just lost.
• The Uvalde Police Department has hired a private law firm who is arguing that the department doesn’t have to release its badge cam footage from the Robb Elementary shooting massacre. How do you feel about that?
• Today in history… Five Canterbury monks see something collide with the moon, resulting in the Giordano Bruno crater (1178). Susan B. Anthony is fined $100 for attempting to vote in the 1872 election, and being a woman (1873). Columbia Records introduces the long-playing (LP) record (1948). Sally Ride becomes the first American woman in space (1983). I graduate high school “by the skin of my teeth”, per to a guidance counselor after I barely manage to get a C in Algebra II after taking it for the second time, despite being an AP English student and an academic decathlon competitor (1986).
• June 18 is the birthday of publisher E.W. Scripps (1854), winemaker Robert Mondavi (1913), NBA great George Mikan (1924), MLB great Lou Brock (1939), critic Roger Ebert (1942), world-changing composer, singer, and musician Paul McCartney (1942), NFL great Bruce Smith (1963), singer-songwriter Ray LaMontagne (1973), NHL great Martin St. Louis (1975), and singer Blake Shelton (1976). 

Well, it’s Saturday, and I’ve got music to work on, a floor to vacuum, four cats to pet, a shelf to install… but I think I’ll start by taking a shower and getting dressed eventually. I might not do any of those things. I really have no idea what I’ll do at any given time. Everyone have a great day!