Random News: August 26, 2022

DISCLAIMER: Zak's Random News is very random and doesn't cover many things, and not everything may be accurate, because I'm just some guy. Go find a real news source.

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Good morning. It’s August 26, 2022, and if you can believe it, it’s a Friday once again! Here is an array of disparate potpourri…

• As of yesterday, abortion bans went into effect in Idaho, Oklahoma, Tennessee, and Texas. Another was going into effect in North Dakota today until it was blocked by a judge late yesterday.
• In Texas and elsewhere, abortion — a medical procedure — is now a felony. It is punishable with up to life in prison, with no exceptions for rape or incest.
• If you vote for candidates who are opposed to forcing women to give birth, we may be able to make safe and legal abortion the law of the land.
• FUCKING VOTE. Register, confirm your registration, and get your votes in how you do… by mail, by drop-off, or at the polls on November 8.
• The FPOTUS’s Truth Social media company is facing significant financial difficulties. Its web hosting company, RightForge, says the Tangerine Tyrant owes them $1.6 million and hasn't been paid for months.
• Meanwhile, the White House grew a pair of balls yesterday and responded on social media to Republican politicians who were trying to score points off the student loan forgiveness program by listing their own forgiven PPP loans, some of which were in the millions.
• Let’s fucking go!
• The new White House social media person is named Megan Coyne, and may she live forever. She’s the one who posted the PPP loan hypocrisy. We need people who can punch back, and a tough young woman from New Jersey seems like the right person for the job.
• Luke Bowen, the political director of Texas Right to Life (the state’s largest anti-abortion group) was arrested for solicitation of a minor for sexual purposes.
• Why do the MAGA people accuse everyone else of being pedophiles? Because they literally are and feel guilty about it. That’s my guess, anyway.
• A Missouri school district is going to allow paddling. Thank the gods my offspring is grown up and long past school age; if I heard of my child being paddled at school, that paddle would end up inside the school admin’s anal cavity. Sideways.
• The public release of the redacted Mar-a-Lago search affidavit will be out shortly. Expect a whole lot of black lines.
• And now, The Weather: “Them Changes” by Thundercat.
• After my friend and bandmate Bunny busted me yesterday for accidentally including the same song twice in The Weather, I’m being more cautious now.
• Today in history… the Delhi Sultanate takes Chittorgarh and kills thirty thousand Hindu inhabitants (1303). An English army easily defeats a French one twice its size at the Battle of Crécy (1346). John Fitch gets a US patent for the steamboat (1791). The eruption of Krakatoa begins its final stage (1883). The 19th amendment takes effect, giving women the right to vote (1920). The 50th anniversary of US women being able to vote is marked by a nationwide Women's Strike for Equality (1970).
• August 26 is the birthday of UK prime Minister Robert Walpole (1676), mathematician Johann Heinrich Lambert (1728), UK Prince Consort Albert (1819), inventor Lee de Forest (1873), socialite and philanthropist Peggy Guggenheim (1898), Catholic saint Mother Teresa (1910), physicist Katherine Johnson (1918), journalist Irving R. Levine (1922), basketball guy Tommy Heinsohn (1934), congresswoman and VP candidate Geraldine Ferraro (1935), movie trailer voiceover guy Don LaFontaine (1940), drummer Moe Tucker (1944), singer-songwriter Leon Redbone (1949), NBA coach Stan Van Gundy (1959), musician Branford Marsalis (1960), singer Shirley Manson (1966), actress Melissa McCarthy (1970), actor Macaulay Culkin (1980), actor Chris Pine (1980), baseball player Elvis Andrus (1988), hockey player Wayne Simmonds (1988), and NBA player James Harden (1989).

Who’s ready to kick some ass?!?!? Who’s ready to aim your foot at an ass and go full Chuck Norris on that ass?!?!?! You are! Go get ‘em. Get that ass. Enjoy your day.