Random News: December 16, 2022

DISCLAIMER: Zak's Random News is very random and doesn't cover many things, and not everything may be accurate, because I'm just some guy. Go find a real news source.

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Good morning. It’s December 16, 2022, and if you can believe it, it’s a Friday once again! Here’s whatever I saw that seemed momentarily interesting…

• Three of the assholes who plotted to kidnap Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer were given prison sentences yesterday.
• Pete Musico, Joseph Morrison and Paul Bellar were convicted in October of providing material support for a terrorist act, the most serious charge, as well as firearms charges and membership in a gang.
• Musico, 44, was given at least 12 years. Musico's son-in-law Morrison, 28, was sentenced to at least 10 years in prison. Bellar, 23, received at least seven years in prison.
• Fuck around… find out.
• Harvard University has been around for over 400 years, and yet has never had a person of color serve as their president. Claudine Gay has taught there and been a dean for 16 years. She will step into the new role on July 1, 2023.
• Whoever the next Speaker of the House is, they obviously have some mighty big shoes to fill with Nancy Pelosi entering the history books as the best person in that role this country has ever had.
• The in-party unpopularity of presumed speaker Kevin McCarthy is causing some big problems.
• Yesterday, he took the unusual step of punting conferencewide races for committee leadership slots until after his speaker election on January 3. It’s a fear-based maneuver that’s trying to force the party to align to elect him.
• However, that delay will also mean days, if not weeks, of uncertainty for GOP committees as they begin their stint in the majority. Some of the most important panels, including those charged with tax-writing and border security, won’t be able to prepare bills, tee up hearings, or even hire staff.
• Way to go, GOP-led House. Way to get things rolling.
• And now, The Weather: “butterfly (so free)” by daste.
• As much as possible, I’ve avoided talking about Elmo Muck and what’s happened with the social media company he purchased and has attempted to ruin ever since.
• Narcissists want you to be thinking about them all the time, and I tend not to give them what they desire.
• However, yesterday Elmo started banning journalists from the platform. Among the dozen or so accounts permanently suspended were CNN’s Donie O’Sullivan, The New York Times’ Ryan Mac, The Washington Post’s Drew Harwell, progressive independent journalist Aaron Rupar.
• Later the same evening, when Elmo heard people discussing the banning on Twitter’s “Spaces” feature, he then had Twitter staff remove the entire “Spaces” chat feature from the app.
• Why is this particularly egregious? Elmo has said over and over that he is, and I quote, a “free speech absolutist”, and paid $44 billion for Twitter to encourage more free speech.
• It might be the most hypocritical thing that’s ever happened. The one real rule of Twitter in December 2022 is “don’t hurt Elmo’s delicate feelings”. That’s it.
• Anyway…
• Between July 2018 and August 2022, Adair, IA chief of police Bradley Wendt sought to purchase about 90 machine guns for the Adair Police Department, which serves a town of fewer than 800 people.
• He acquired 10 of them. He later resold several of those machine guns at a significant profit.
• Wendt also acquired 13 machine guns for his Denison-based gun store, BW Outfitters, through false statements to the ATF that the machine guns were being demonstrated for future potential purchase by the Police Department, according to court documents.
• He was indicted yesterday.
• In comedy news, on Wednesday, the FPOTUS pre-announced on his social media that on Thursday, there would be a MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT. He used the all caps. This seemed serious.
• It was speculated that the aforementioned major announcement would be some kind of game-changing moment in the political landscape of the USA. Perhaps he’d even announce that he was going to depart from the GOP and make his 2024 run as an Independent (which would make me extremely happy).
• But no, it wasn’t that, nor the announcement of a VP running mate, nor the far-fletched idea that he was open to being the speaker of the house.
• As most of us know by now, instead it was an ad for his own line of digital collectibles, aka NFTs. Little digital images with ridiculous artistic poses of The Yam God in various settings.
• You’ll note that apart from interesting or funny stuff here and there, like most of the country I am moving on from the former president.
• I’ll tell you right now, I do NOT think he’ll be the GOP candidate for President in 2024, and my focus of concern will be shifting to more likely candidates as they become more apparent.
• Governor Chris Sununu (R-NH) on Trump: "He’s done his time. He’s done his service. We’re moving on.”
• Far right troll and convicted January 6 insurrectionist Baked Alaska, whose real name is Anthime Gionet, tweeted, "i can't believe i'm going to jail for an nft salesman.”
• Today is the 350th day of 2022. Just thought you might want to know.
• Oh. One more thing.
• In weird news, Senator Kyrsten Sinema (I-AZ), a sitting member of Congress who makes about $200,000 a year from her job (and probably a lot more from grift), has a Facebook Marketplace page where she sells her used clothing and biking gear.
•  I checked. It’s true. If you want one of Sinema’s sports bras, there are four purple ones available right now. Thirty bucks.
• Today in history… Henry VI of England is crowned King of France at Notre Dame in Paris (1431). Members of the Sons of Liberty disguised as Mohawk Indians dump hundreds of crates of tea into Boston harbor as a protest against the Tea Act (1773). Virginia becomes the first state to ratify the Articles of Confederation (1777). The Battle of the Bulge begins with the surprise offensive of three German armies through the Ardennes forest (1944). The United Kingdom recognizes Bahrain's independence, which is commemorated annually as Bahrain's National Day (1971).
• December 16 is the birthday of Spanish princess/Queen consort of England Catherine of Aragon (1485), poet/scholar Elizabeth Carter (1717), composer Ludwig van Beethoven (1770), novelist Jane Austen (1775), philosopher/novelist George Santayana (1863), painter Wassily Kandinsky (1866), playwright Noël Coward (1899), anthropologist Margaret Mead (1901), writer Arthur C. Clarke (1917), author Philip K. Dick (1928), sportswriter Frank Deford (1938), journalist Lesley Stahl (1941), writer/producer Steven Bochco (1943), singer-songwriter Benny Andersson (1946), singer-songwriter Billy Gibbons (1949), guitarist Robben Ford (1951), and comedian Bill Hicks (1961).

We live in the most bizarre timeline. Seriously. It’s not always shitty and it’s definitely not always great. But it is undeniably fucking weird. I’m going to get through today and then… I have no idea. At least I’m enjoying the humor of this insane era. Enjoy your day.