Random News: April 26, 2023

DISCLAIMER: Zak's Random News is very random and doesn't cover many things, and not everything may be accurate, because I'm just some guy. Go find a real news source.

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Good morning. It’s April 26, 2023, and it’s a Wednesday. Things of varying levels of importance to different people happen all the time, and the more you know, the better equipped you are to handle shit, so…

• As mentioned previously here on Ye Olde Random News Bullets, the state of Washington has managed to ban the sales of assault-style weapons.
• Governor Jay Inslee signed House Bill 1240 into law yesterday. It prohibits the manufacture, importation, distribution and sale of assault-style weapons in Washington, with an exception for sales made to armed forces and law enforcement.
• The bill passed the state House last week in a 56 to 42 vote, after the state Senate passed it days earlier in a 28 to 21 vote – both votes fell largely along party lines.
• Washington is the tenth state to band sales of these types of weapons. California, Connecticut, Delaware, Hawaii, Illinois, Maryland, Massachusetts, New Jersey and New York are the others. Washington, D.C., also has similar restrictions in place.
• If they can do it, the rest of us can too.
• Moving on…
• The case for seditious conspiracy against former Proud Boys leader Enrique Tarrio and four lieutenants went to the jury yesterday.
• Lawyers for the Proud Boys argued that their attempt to obstruct the electoral count by force is not their fault at all.
• Instead, their closing statement said that it was entirely Donald Trump’s fault because he “authorized” the Proud Boys to commit crimes that day.
• Be that as it may, adult people are required to take responsibility for their own actions, and no amount of pointing at the Orange Man will prevent their prison sentences from being levied.
• Keep that in mind for future reference, shitbags: the “Trump made me do it” defense does not work.
• Speaking on the failed coup attempt on January 6, 2021…
• According to a recording made by for Fox News producer Abby Grossberg, Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) advocated the creation of an electoral commission to asses unsubstantiated claims of voter fraud in the 2020 election.
• Nothing new about that, right? But the tape features a previously private conversation between Cruz, Grossberg and Maria Bartiromo, and shows the scope of Cruz’s scheming to assist Donald Trump in illegally overturning Biden’s victory.
• Cruz says in the recorded conversation that he successfully organized 11 senators to object to the legal electoral certification. 
• “Is there any chance you can overturn this?” Bartiromo asked Cruz.
• “I hope so,” he responded.
• Asshole.
• Moving on…
• Seven protestors were arrested yesterday at the Montana state house for disrupting proceedings with demands that Rep. Zooey Zephyr, a transgender Democrat silenced by lawmakers for comments against bans on gender-affirming care, be allowed to speak.
• They canceled proceedings as a result. The cancellation is the latest development in a standoff over whether Montana Republicans will let the lawmaker from Missoula speak unless she apologizes for her remarks last week on a gender-affirming care ban proposal.
• Assholes.
• I was hoping to see a craft land on the Moon yesterday morning, but was disappointed… though assuredly not nearly as much as the private firm who made the attempt.
• The lander, built by Japanese firm Ispace, launched atop a SpaceX rocket from Cape Canaveral, Florida, on December 11. The spacecraft then made a three-month trek to enter orbit around the moon.
• But flight controllers on the ground were not immediately able to regain contact, prompting the company to presume the spacecraft was lost.
• In history, only three countries have ever executed a controlled landing on the moon — the United States, the former Soviet Union, and China. The US remains the only country to have put humans on the moon.
• Leaving Earth to go literally anywhere is really hard.
• Donald John Trump’s rape trial began yesterday with jury selection and opening statements. 
• The federal civil case heard writer E. Jean Carroll’s allegation of being attacked by Trump in a luxury department store dressing room. The former president says nothing happened between them.
• As a reminder to everyone, this trial is in civil court, meaning that no matter the outcome, Trump isn’t in danger of going to jail. He isn’t required to be in court, either, and his lawyers have indicated he most likely won’t testify.
• “She’s not my type,” said Trump.
• Jurors are also expected to hear from two other women who say they were sexually assaulted by Trump. Jessica Leeds says that Trump tried to put his hand up her skirt on a 1979 flight on which the two were assigned neighboring seats. Natasha Stoynoff says that Trump pinned her against a wall and forcibly kissed her at his Florida mansion when she went there in 2005 to interview Trump and his then-pregnant wife Melania Trump.
• Asshole.
• A 100-year-old tobacco company based in London pleaded guilty to selling and manufacturing products in North Korea in violation of U.S. sanctions and bank secrecy laws. 
• British American Tobacco (BAT) admitted to evading bans against doing business with the People's Republic of North Korea, who has been sanctioned for producing weapons of mass destruction. BAT also caused U.S. banks to unwittingly process their hundreds of millions in profits. 
• BAT and the federal government entered into a deferred prosecution agreement — the charges will ultimately be dropped if BAT continues to abide by the law — but the company will still be slapped with $635,241,338 in penalties.
• Assholes.
• A guy in California has been practicing as a doctor and treated thousands of patients for several years, even for serious medical conditions like cancer.
• One problem: 43-year-old Stephan Gevorkian is not a doctor. His wannabe practice, Pathways Medical in North Hollywood, now has five felony counts of practicing medicine without a certification.
• When an undercover investigator went for a consultation, Gevorkian failed to address abnormal levels of a hormone that could indicate a serious medical condition. Gevorkian's preliminary hearing is scheduled for May 24.
• Something random to consider: Joe Biden and Mick Jagger are almost exactly the same age.
• And now, The Weather: “Undone” by Public Interest
• In amazing news, a high school student in Louisiana has received more than $9,000,000 in scholarship offers.
• Dennis Barnes has been offered aid from 125 colleges and universities, after maintaining a cumulative grade point average of 4.98, among other academic accomplishments. Holy shit!
• My high school GPA? A very unimpressive 2.8. I still made it into state universities and have had a happy life, so blow me, overachievers.
• From the Sports Desk… probably the most shocking series of the NBA playoffs is the 8th seed Miami Heat being up 3-1 over the 1st seed Milwaukee Bucks. But also interesting is the series between 2nd seed Boston Celtics who can’t shut down the scrappy Atlanta Hawks… the Celtics lead that series 3-2 as they head back to ATL. Another unexpected direction is the LA Lakers (7) being ahead of the Memphis Grizzlies (2) 3-1 in that series.
• Several first round matchups are already done; the 76ers, Nuggets, and Suns are moving on the the second round.
• In other sports news, tomorrow is the NFL draft.
• Today in history… The Virginia Company colonists make landfall at Cape Henry (1607). Sybil Ludington, aged 16, rode 40 miles to alert American colonial forces to the approach of the British regular forces (1777). Thousands of meteor fragments fall from the skies of L'Aigle, France; the event convinces European scientists that meteors exist (1803). Union cavalry troopers corner and shoot dead John Wilkes Booth, assassin of President Abraham Lincoln, in Virginia (1865). Ice hockey makes its Olympic debut at the Antwerp Games (1920). The Gestapo, the official secret police force of Nazi Germany, is established by Hermann Göring (1933). Guernica, Spain, is bombed by German Luftwaffe (1937). The first clinical trials of Jonas Salk's polio vaccine begin in Fairfax County, VA (1954). NASA's Ranger 4 spacecraft crashes into the Moon (1962). The Convention Establishing the World Intellectual Property Organization enters into force (1970). The Chernobyl disaster occurs in the Ukrainian Soviet Socialist Republic (1986). The Space Shuttle Columbia is launched on mission STS-55 to conduct experiments aboard the Spacelab module (1993). South Africa begins its first multiracial election, which is won by Nelson Mandela's African National Congress (1994). American comedian Bill Cosby is convicted of sexual assault (2018). Marvel Studios' blockbuster film, Avengers: Endgame, is released, becoming the highest-grossing film of all time (2019). 
• April 26 is the birthday of Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius (121), French queen Marie de' Medici (1575), French queen Maria Amalia (1782), ornithologist John James Audubon (1785), politician Charles Goodyear (1804), physicist Owen Willans Richardson (1879), singer-songwriter Ma Rainey (1886), philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein (1889), seismologist Charles Francis Richter (1900), architect I. M. Pei (1917), actress Carol Burnett (1933), music producer Giorgio Moroder (1940), singer-songwriter/keyboardist Gary Wright (1943), drummer Roger Taylor (1960), martial artist/actor Jet Li (1963), first lady Melania Trump (1970), singer-songwriter Tionne "T-Boz" Watkins (1970), drummer Joey Jordison (1975), actor Channing Tatum (1980), and MLB player Aaron Judge (1992).

Well, that’s all the news I have time for at the moment. My oft-repeated note: there’s never enough time to tell you everything you might need to know. And really, there’s never enough time to say all the things you’d like to say to anyone about anything, or to do all the things you’d like to do. The point is to say and do as much as you can in the time that you have, and to have a good-ass time while doing it. Enjoy your day.