Random News: May 18, 2023

DISCLAIMER: Zak's Random News is very random and doesn't cover many things, and not everything may be accurate, because I'm just some guy. Go find a real news source.

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Good morning. It’s May 18, 2023, and it’s a Thursday for some reason. I’m sure there are things that you’d want to know about if you could be informed of them in delightful small morsels…

• Desperate to stay in the news cycle after weeks of continuing bad poll numbers, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis signed four bills yesterday restricting LGBTQ rights, including a measure that expands what critics have called the state’s “Don’t Say Gay” law and another that will ban transition-related care for minors.
• He also signed a bill that will bar trans people from using the public facilities that align with their gender identities and another that will restrict “adult” performances in front of minors. He said the latter measure was intended to limit drag performances.
• DeSantis’s supposed run for president in 2024 is over before it began. He is currently polling far, far below the presumed GOP candidate, one Donald John Trump.
• An Emerson College survey found that nearly three-quarters (70 percent) of likely Republican voters in Kentucky would pick Trump in a hypothetical GOP primary, with DeSantis a distant second at 14 percent, giving the Creamsicle Criminal a 56-point lead.
• Speaking of Donnie Dumptruck…
• Timothy Parlatore, a key lawyer representing Donald Trump in a special counsel investigation of his handling of classified documents, said yesterday that he is leaving the former president’s legal team.
• Parlatore had previously voluntarily testified before a federal grand jury investigating Trump's handling of classified documents being run by special prosecutor Jack Smith.
• Moving on…
• Not to be outdone by Florida in the race to the bottom, the Texas legislature voted to ban gender-affirming care for most minors last night, sending a bill to the governor’s desk that will put critical health care out of reach for transgender youth in America’s second-most-populous state.
• Senate Bill 14 would block a minor’s access to gender reassignment surgeries, puberty blocking medication and hormone therapies, and providing this care to trans youth would lead to the revocation of a health care provider’s license.
• Piece of shit assholes. I have multiple friends with trans kids in Texas. They deserve better. Voters, take note.
• Montana has officially become the first U.S. state to ban TikTok after Republican Gov. Greg Gianforte signed the bill into law yesterday. The law is set to take effect in January 2024 and is likely to be challenged.
• However…
• At a hearing about the bill in March, a representative from TechNet said that app stores "do not have the ability to geofence" apps on a state-by-state basis, making it impossible for the restriction to be enforceable.
• I mean, what are they going to do… pull you over and look at the apps on your fucking phone?
• Ridiculous. Does TikTok spy on you? Sure. Do Facebook and Instagram and Google and YouTube and Twitter and Apple and every other tech and social platform spy on you? Yes.
• I’m continuing to avoid the discussion of the pending debt ceiling catastrophe, much in the same way the House has avoided any reasonable solution.
• Some Senate Democrats are circulating a letter urging President Joe Biden to prepare to invoke the 14th Amendment to lift the debt ceiling and avert default on his own, without an act of Congress.
• Progressive politicians like Sens. Tina Smith (D-MN), Elizabeth Warren (D-MA), Jeff Merkley (D-OR), Ed Markey (D-MA), and Bernie Sanders (I-VT) are not at all happy with some aspects of the legislative negotiations, like Republican demands to impose tougher work requirements to receive federal benefits.
• ”We write to urgently request that you prepare to exercise your authority under the 14th Amendment of the Constitution, which clearly states: 'the validity of the public debt of the United States… shall not be questioned,'" the senators write in the draft letter. "Using this authority would allow the United States to continue to pay its bills on-time, without delay, preventing a global economic catastrophe."
• Hope it works out. June 1 is the deadline set by the Treasury Department for Congress to act or risk breaching the debt limit.
• Sen. Chris Murphy (D-CT) voiced skepticism when asked if Biden should use the 14th Amendment to continue paying the bills. "I don't want to give Joe Biden advice, but I think we should do our job. I think that's a precedent to just absolve Congress from being adults."
• Welp, there is that.
• One more note on this topic…
• A bipartisan bill set to be unveiled today by Reps. Abigail Spanberger (D-VA) and Brian Fitzpatrick (R-PA) would block members of Congress from getting paid if the U.S. enters debt default or if the government shuts down.
• The No Pay for Congress During Default or Shutdown Act would withhold lawmakers' pay for the duration of a debt limit breach or lapse in federal funding, an attempt to motivate legislators to prevent either situation.
• I am 100% in favor of this.
• And now, The Weather: “Slab” by Wombo
• Conservatives are super mad at Adidas. Super bigly mad.
• They introduced a “Pride Collection” and the campaign features people in various gender identities wearing what would traditionally be called women’s swimwear.
• So now the MAGAs have a conundrum, because both Nike and Adidas are “woke” and they have to boycott them and burn their expensive sneakers.
• I am a Nike guy. Not because of any political preference but because they fit my feet well… the actual reason to choose a shoe.
• From the Sports Desk… the Miami Heat were a huge underdog to the Boston Celtics, but that didn’t stop them from wining Game 1 of the Easer Conference finals on the road 123-116. The Heat had a 46-point (!) third quarter and lead the series 1-0.
• The Lakers are in Denver again tonight for Game 2. If they fall 2-0, it’s going to be pretty difficult to get back in this series. 
• In the NHL, the Eastern Conference finals start tonight with the Carolina Hurricanes vs. Florida Panthers. The Western Conference finals start Friday with the Vegas Golden Knights vs. Dallas Stars.
• Today in history… Emperor Constantine the Great announces free distributions of food to the citizens in Constantinople (332). Alonso de Ojeda sets sail from Cádiz on his voyage to what is now Venezuela (1499). John Winthrop takes the oath of office and becomes the first Governor of Massachusetts (1631). The Seven Years' War begins when Great Britain declares war on France (1756). The United States Supreme Court rules in Plessy v. Ferguson that the "separate but equal" doctrine is constitutional (1896). The Selective Service Act of 1917 is passed, giving the President of the United States the power of conscription (1917). President Franklin D. Roosevelt signs an act creating the Tennessee Valley Authority (1933). Jacqueline Cochran becomes the first woman to break the sound barrier (1953). Mount St. Helens erupts in Washington, United States, killing 57 people and causing $3 billion in damage (1980). A second photo from the Hubble Space Telescope confirms that Pluto has two additional moons, Nix and Hydra (2005). Joe Biden announces his presidential campaign (2019).
• May 18 is the birthday of mathematician/astronomer Omar Khayyám (1048), photographer Mathew Brady (1822), mathematician/philosopher Bertrand Russell (1972), film director/producer Frank Capra (1897), politician Jacob K. Javits (1904), singer Big Joe Turner (1911), singer/TV host Perry Como (1912), actress Miriam Margolyes (1941), singer-songwriter Albert Hammond (1944), MLB player Reggie Jackson (1946), keyboardist Rick Wakeman (1949), singer-songwriter/composer Mark Mothersbaugh (1950), NHL player Jari Kurri (1960), tennis player Yannick Noah (1960), NHL player Marty McSorley (1963), actress/producer Tina Fey (1970), singer-songwriter Jack Johnson (1975), and NFL player Vince Young (1983).

Yikes. Well, there’s more news, but that’s all I’ve got for now. A thought: things can seem to be crazy in the world, because they are, and I won’t be in denial about that. But I also see big signs of hope and optimism out there, with liberal leaders winning elections in places thought to be conservative strongholds. I think the youth vote and the non-asshole vote just may be enough to save us all. Enjoy your day.