Random News: September 7, 2023

DISCLAIMER: Zak's Random News is very random and doesn't cover many things, and not everything may be accurate, because I'm just some guy. Go find a real news source.

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Good morning. It’s September 7, 2023, and it’s a Thursday for some reason. I have a ton of news for you today. Like, if you put it on a scale, it would weigh 2,000 pounds. It’s a lot, so let’s not waste any time with this preamble bullshit…

• Some extraordinarily bad news for Don the Con happened yesterday. It’s actually something I predicted, if you feel like scrolling back to my post on August 23.
• Mar-a-Lago IT worker Yuscil Taveras has struck a cooperation agreement with special counsel Jack Smith’s office in the federal case over the FPOTUS’s handling of classified documents. Tavares was the guy who dealt with the security cameras at the golf motel where the top-secret documents were held after Trump stole them.
• According to the terms of the deal explained in the filing, Taveras agreed to testify in the classified documents case and in exchange will not be prosecuted. He had not yet been charged with any crimes.
• This is the first public acknowledgment that Jack Smith has won the cooperation of key witnesses as part of his prosecution of Trump, his longtime valet Walt Nauta and Mar-a-Lago property manager Carlos de Oliveira.
• As I mentioned at the time, Taveras was formerly represented by a defense attorney that Trump gave to him, a guy named Stanley Woodward. Tavares, realizing he was being set up to take punishment for what Trump had ordered him to do, did a very smart thing: he fired Woodward and instead got a public defender.
• As soon as he switched attorneys, Tavares abruptly retracted his earlier grand jury testimony and implicated Trump and others in obstruction of justice.
• One issue now is that Woodward, who now represents Trump co-defendant Walt Nauta, could face conflicts of interest – particularly if the defense lawyer has to cross-examine his former client.
• So that’s all about the Jack Smith federal documents case. Let’s talk about updates to the Georgia RICO trial.
• Prosecutors said yesterday that the trial will take about four months once a jury is selected, and will feature testimony from more than 150 witnesses.
• That timeline would force Dumpty Dump to spend a third of a year sitting in an Atlanta courtroom with his co-defendants, possibly while running for president and juggling three other criminal cases.
• The estimate came during a hearing over motions by two of the defendants — former Trump campaign attorneys Kenneth J. Chesebro and Sidney Powell — who have invoked their rights to a speedy trial. Fulton County Superior Court Judge Scott McAfee granted those motions yesterday, setting a joint trial date of October 23 for Chesebro and Powell.
• Chesebro and Powell also wanted to separate or "sever" their cases from each other. McAfee said he did not find severance “necessary to achieve a fair determination of the guilt or innocence for either defendant in this case.”
• Ha ha.
• At the same time, Fulton County prosecutors at the hearing insisted on not only trying Powell and Chesebro together in October; they want to try all 19 defendants together, which would include Trump.
• Judge McAfee sounded skeptical of that possibility but he's letting the state file a brief on it to try and convince him.
• In other news that’s still on topic of The Orange Man…
• Yesterday, yet another group filed a lawsuit to bar That Guy from the primary ballot in a state, this time Colorado. Like the others, they argue that he is ineligible to run for the White House again under a clause in the U.S. Constitution aimed at candidates who have supported an insurrection.
• The lawsuit, citing the 14th Amendment, is likely the initial step in a legal challenge that seems destined for the U.S. Supreme Court. The complaint was filed on behalf of six Republican and unaffiliated Colorado voters by the group Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington.
• It’s going to be an interesting 14 months between now and the 2024 election… you betcha.
• Let’s move on.
• A federal judge ruled yesterday that Texas must remove its floating barrier from the Rio Grande, a victory for the federal government after it sued the state for placing the barrier in an international waterway.
• “Governor Abbott announced that he was not ‘asking for permission’ for Operation Lone Star, the anti-immigration program under which Texas constructed the floating barrier. Unfortunately for Texas, permission is exactly what federal law requires before installing obstructions in the nation’s navigable waters.” - Federal District Judge David A. Ezra
• Abbott immediately appealed Ezra’s ruling to the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Fifth Circuit. Fuck Greg Abbott. I hope his wheelchair gets caught in buoys and barbed wire. See how he likes it.
• Want to talk about another piece of shit? Sure!
• Remember Rep. George Santos (R-NY), the guy who lied about literally everything? He and his former campaign aide, both indicted by federal prosecutors, now appear to be in plea talks with the government.
• Prosecutors in the Santos case asked the judge to delay a court hearing set for today because “the parties have continued to discuss possible paths forward in this matter.” They added: “The parties wish to have additional time to continue those discussions.”
• Santos faces federal charges of wire fraud, money laundering and theft of public funds. 
• He fraudulently obtained unemployment benefits, used campaign contributions to pay down personal debts and purchase designer clothing, and lied to the House of Representatives about his financial condition.
• So he’s trying to wriggle out of his issues by ratting out other Republicans, which is exactly what I’d expect a guy like that to do.
• Let’s keep going with really good news.
• The Biden administration announced yesterday that it will cancel seven Trump-era oil and gas leases in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge and protect more than 13 million acres in the federal National Petroleum Reserve in Alaska.
• “With today’s action, no one will have rights to drill for oil in one of the most sensitive landscapes on Earth. Public lands belong to all Americans, and there are some places where oil and gas drilling and industrial development simply do not belong.” - Interior Secretary Deb Haaland
• Fuck yes.
• Let’s talk about Mexico.
• Their Supreme Court ruled in favor of decriminalizing abortion nationwide yesterday, two years after ruling that abortion was not a crime in one northern state.
• Mexico’s Court said it had "ruled that the penalization of abortion under the Federal Criminal Code is unconstitutional, since it violates the human rights of women and people with the capacity to gestate."
• Amazing. Congrats Mexico, for upholding the rights of women. Speaking of women in Mexico, their next President will be one.
• It’s looking like Claudia Sheinbaum, 61, who until recently served as Mexico City’s mayor, will face off next June against Xóchitl Gálvez, 60, a business executive and senator of Indigenous origin. If Sheinbaum wins, she would also be Mexico’s first Jewish head of state.
• Cool.
• This is… weird.
• The Texas Department of Criminal Justice announced yesterday that its correctional facilities statewide would be locked down shortly after 9AM.
• They said the lockdown is in response to a recent increase in inmate violence that appears to be directly related to the introduction and use of illegal narcotics. They’re conducting comprehensive contraband searches at correctional facilities in the state.
• And at the same time in the same place…
• Yesterday, the Texas Department of Public Safety Driver License Offices closed across the state. An ongoing upgrade of the driver license system has made the offices unable to provide its services including renewing or replacing a driver license or identification card, obtaining a driver record and verifying eligibility.
• Hmm.
• Let’s talk about something that will drive right-wing gun nuts insane.
• Special counsel David Weiss announced yesterday that he’ll seek an indictment against President Joe Biden’s shady-ass son Hunter Biden, relating to gun charges.
• Hunter Biden’s gun-related legal troubles relate to a firearm he purchased in October 2018, and lied on a federal form when he swore that he was not using, and was not addicted to, any illegal drugs – even though he was struggling with crack cocaine addiction at the time of the purchase.
• So the MAGAs have to either support sensible gun control laws, or support Hunter Biden. Ha ha! I love this.
• And now, The Weather: “Like Flowers” by White China
• Hurricane Lee will intensify into a major Category 4 hurricane by early Friday. The National Hurricane Center warned the storm system will become an “extremely dangerous major hurricane” by early Friday.
• If Lee stays on its current course, the East Coast wouldn't see direct impacts, but would be hit with large surf and rip currents by late next week.
• For today’s charts, we’re going back exactly 30 years to the top singles of this point in September 1993. I’ve chosen this one for one hilarious reason: two songs on the chart — "Whoomp! (There It Is)” by Tag Team and “Whoot, There It Is” by 95 South — are identical for all intents and purposes. I could actually tell you how this happened, but I find that I don’t give a single fuck. Despite it being the smaller of the two one-hit wonders, I’m going to have to give 95 South extra credit for a) their song having come out a few weeks earlier and b) because their version is specifically about ass.
• 1. Can't Help Falling In Love (From "Sliver") (UB40). 2. Dreamlover (Mariah Carey). 3. Whoomp! (There It Is) (Tag Team). 4. Lately (Jodeci). 5. Runaway Train (Soul Asylum). 6. If (Janet Jackson). 7. Right Here (Human Nature)/Downtown (SWV). 8. Will You Be There (Michael Jackson). 9. I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) (The Proclaimers). 10. If I Had No Loot (Tony Toni Tone). 11. The River Of Dreams (Billy Joel). 12. Slam (Onyx). 13. Weak (SWV). 14. Baby I'm Yours (Shai). 15. One Last Cry (Brian McKnight). 16. I Don't Wanna Fight (From "What's Love Got To Do With It") (Tina Turner). 17. Rain (Madonna). 18. Whoot, There It Is (95 South). 19. Alright (Kris Kross Featuring Supercat). 20. Insane In The Brain (Cypress Hill).
• Some random shit…
• I really am continuing to enjoy the Threads social media app. It’s continued to improve since its release. It now has a desktop interface, and it’s adding features at a fast pace. I’m using it more and more.
• What I like most about it is that it’s not X, the app formerly known as Twitter. The more time that goes by, the more I can’t conscientiously support that platform by adding my content and engagement, thereby giving it more value. 
• There will come a time where it will seem embarrassing to have had any association with that platform.
• On a different note, if you do podcasts, whenever I need a getaway from the seriousness of life in general, the “Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend” podcast is always just amazingly good. I’ll play clips of it while having lunch during the week, or while chilling here on weekends.
• It’s not just Conan and his guests. His co-hosts Sona Movsesian and Matt Gourley are great too. I can be in a shit mood and that podcast pulls me right out, every time.
• I highly recommend it.
• From the Sports Desk… today’s the day! The NFL season is back, with tonight’s opening game of the Detroit Lions at the Kansas City Chiefs. The Chiefs are the defending Super Bowl champions and are still a juggernaut, but the Lions are no longer a joke by any definition. KC is the safe bet, favored by a 5-point spread, but I’d be very, very happy for Detroit to pull off an upset on the road.
• Also, as a Raiders fan, any time another AFC West team (KC, Denver, LA Chargers) loses, I’m a little happier than I was before. I still picked the Chiefs because I’m not an idiot.
• Today in history… A Roman army under Titus occupies and plunders Jerusalem (70). Thomas Howard is arrested for his role in the Ridolfi plot to assassinate Queen Elizabeth I of England and replace her with Mary, Queen of Scots (1571). The city of Boston, MA is founded (1630). Dom Pedro I declares Brazil independent from Portugal in São Paulo (1822). Mormon settlers slaughter most members of a peaceful emigrant wagon train (1857). Atlanta is evacuated on orders of Union General William Tecumseh Sherman (1864). Eugène Lefebvre crashes a biplane during a test flight, becoming the first aviator to lose his life in a powered heavier-than-air craft (1909). US federal employees win the right to Workers' compensation by Federal Employers Liability Act (1916). INTERPOL is formed (1923). The first fully electronic television system is achieved by Philo Farnsworth (1927). The German Luftwaffe begins the Blitz, bombing London and other British cities for over 50 consecutive nights (1940). Japanese forces on Wake Island surrender to U.S. Marines (1945). Nikita Khrushchev is elected first secretary of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union (1953). The Pro Football Hall of Fame opens in Canton, Ohio with 17 charter members (1963). The Chrysler Corporation asks the United States government for $1.5 billion to avoid bankruptcy (1979). Tupac Shakur is fatally shot in a drive-by shooting in Las Vegas, NV succumbing to his injuries six days later (1996). The United States government takes control of the two largest mortgage financing companies in the US, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac (2008). Bitcoin becomes legal tender in El Salvador (2021).
• September 7 is the birthday of Japan emperor Suzaku (923), queen Elizabeth I of England (1533), painter Grandma Moses (1860), banker/philanthropist J. P. Morgan Jr. (1867), director Elia Kazan (1909), engineer/businessman David Packard (1912), actor Peter Lawford (1923), golfer/LPGA co-founder Louise Suggs (1923), politician Daniel Inouye (1924), voice actor Don Messick (1926), singer-songwriter/guitarist Buddy Holly (1936), singer-songwriter Gloria Gaynor (1947), actress Julie Kavner (1950), singer-songwriter/guitarist Chrissie Hynde (1951), composer Mark Isham (1951), organist Benmont Tench (1953), actor Corbin Bernsen (1954), singer-songwriter Diane Warren (1956), rapper Eazy-E (1963), comedian/actress Leslie Jones (1967), actress Evan Rachel Wood (1987), and NBA player Kevin Love (1988).

Holy shit, that was a lot of info. In personal news, my significant other is currently a little over halfway across the Pacific Ocean at 34,000 feet in a Boeing 777 on her way to Australia. I’ll be… sitting at my desk and working, because that’s what I do. Enjoy your day.