Random News: October 24, 2023

DISCLAIMER: Zak's Random News is very random and doesn't cover many things, and not everything may be accurate, because I'm just some guy. Go find a real news source.

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Good morning. It’s October 24, 2023, and it’s a Tuesday. My name is Zak, and I’ll be your guide to shit that’s happened.

• Another of the Trump crime enterprise has fallen.
• Former El Dumpo attorney Jenna Ellis, who was primarily famous for having caught COVID via a fart from Rudy Giuliani, pleaded guilty this morning in the Georgia election subversion case to one count of aiding and abetting false statements. Ellis will cooperate with Fulton County prosecutors.
• About an hour ago, Ellis delivered a tearful statement to the judge while pleading guilty, disavowing her participation in former president and current accused felon Donald John Trump’s weak-ass attempts to overturn the 2020 election.
• “If I knew then what I knew now, I would have declined to represent Donald Trump in these post-challenges. I look back on this experience with deep remorse,” Ellis cried.
• As you’re aware, this comes after back-to-back guilty pleas last week in the sprawling RICO case from former Trump campaign lawyers Sidney Powell and Kenneth Chesebro, who helped devise the fake electors plot.
• Bonus: Ellis has also implicated former New York Mayor and current national joke Rudy Giuliani in her plea deal by admitting that she aided and abetted Giuliani’s false statements to Georgia lawmakers at a December 2020 hearing, where they both peddled baseless voter fraud claims.
• I’m enjoying every second of all this. Moving on.
• This very moment, a vote is underway behind closed doors at the Capitol, where Republicans are trying to slow the flood of embarrassment that’s resulted from their not being able to elect a Speaker of the House despite being the majority party.
• However, different factions of Republicans are each claiming that their candidate will win… not a good sign that they’re pull together a cohesive candidate that will get 217 votes.
• If they can make an internal choice among the nine people who’ve expressed interest in the job, there may be a floor vote today. Or may not. No one knows what the GOP are doing, including themselves.
• Rumor has it that Tom Emmer (R-MN) won their first secret ballot. Not so secret if I know about it, by the way.
• In other news…
• Don the Con gave a speech yesterday, and it was a doozy.
• ”I will implement strong ideological screening of all immigrants. If you hate America, if you want to abolish Israel, if you don't like our religion – which a lot of them don't – if you sympathize with jihadists, then we don't want you in our country."
• Whoa whoa whoa… back up a sec, Don.
• Which religion are you referring to as “our religion” in the USA? Catholicism? Judaism? Zoroastrianism? Paganism? Hinduism?
• In case any of you are unclear on the topic at hand, the United States of America not only has no official religion, but the First Amendment to the United States Constitution states that the country shall have no official religion.
• Even saying something like that is fucking vile. Who would say that? Oh yeah, never mind.
• The only other Dumples news for the day is that Michael Cohen, the Dumpster’s former personal lawyer, is set to begin testifying today in the civil fraud trial of the former presidumb and the Trump Organization.
• El Dumpo will be in the courtroom staring down his once-close aide. Hee hee.
• Moving on.
• Holy fuck. Some guy tried to shut off a plane’s engines in mid-flight on Sunday night.
• An off-duty pilot who was riding in the cockpit on an Alaska Airlines flight from Everett, WA to San Francisco, CA attempted to disable the aircraft's engines.
• "I'll just give you a heads-up. We've got the guy that tried to shut the engines down out of the cockpit. It doesn't seem like he's causing any issue at the back. I think he's subdued,” said one of the pilots.
• The Embraer 175 jet was diverted to Portland, OR where it landed safely. The off-duty pilot, Joseph David Emerson, was arrested after the plane landed at Portland International Airport and is now facing 83 counts of attempted murder, among other charges, including reckless endangerment and endangering an aircraft.
• You don’t like to think about it, but at all times, you’re at the mercy of some person who’s gone completely psycho. From a guy with a gun at the grocery store to a person having a mental breakdown on a freeway, you have no way of knowing when someone will snap and possibly kill you, or at least ruin your day.
• Lordy. In other news of “flying while stupid”, meet state senator Jeff Wilson (R-WA).
• The Republican politician has been arrested in Hong Kong for carrying a gun into the city in what he has called an “honest mistake.” Pffft.
• Wilson was charged with possession of a firearm without a license, an offense punishable in Hong Kong by up to 14 years in prison and a fine of more than $12,000.
• Wilson said he did not realize he had packed his pistol in his briefcase while he and his wife were traveling for a five-week vacation to Southeast Asia
• As to how he passed through TSA in Portland and San Francisco is being investigated.
• And now, The Weather: “Another good year for the roses” by Kurt Vile
• And speaking of weather, the nation's first significant snowstorm of the season is forecast to hit portions of the northern U.S. this week. Forecasters said the storm will first impact parts of the Pacific Northwest and northern Rockies before shifting into the northern Plains over the next few days.
• The National Weather Service said that up to two feet of snow is possible in some areas. Wasn’t it summer like five minutes ago?
• From the Sports Desk… huge congrats to the Texas Rangers, who beat the Houston Astros in Game 7 of the ALCS. They’re headed to the World Series to go up against the winner of tonight’s NLCS Game 7 between the Arizona Diamondbacks and Philadelphia Phillies.
• Today in history… William Lassell discovers the moons Umbriel and Ariel orbiting Uranus (1851). Sheffield F.C., the world's oldest association football club still in operation, is founded in England (1857). U.S. Government announces plans to buy Danish West Indies for $7 million (1900). Harry Houdini's last performance takes place at the Garrick Theatre in Detroit (1926). "Black Thursday" on the New York Stock Exchange (1929). The George Washington Bridge opens to public traffic over the Hudson River (1931). A camera on board the V-2 No. 13 rocket takes the first photograph of earth from outer space (1946). President Eisenhower pledges United States support to South Vietnam (1954). In Iceland, 90% of women take part in a national strike, refusing to work in protest of gender inequality (1975). The Toronto Blue Jays become the first Major League Baseball team based outside the United States to win the World Series (1992). "Bloody Friday" saw many of the world's stock exchanges experience the worst declines in their history (2008). 
• October 24 is the birthday of microbiologist Antonie van Leeuwenhoek (1632), author/activist Sarah Josepha Hale (1788), US vice president James S. Sherman (1855), NFL player Y. A. Tittle (1926), singer-songwriter/guitarist The Big Bopper (1930), singer-songwriter/bass player Bill Wyman (1936), actor F. Murray Abraham (1939), Australia prime minister Malcolm Turnbull (1954), academic Zephyr Teachout (1971), singer-songwriter/guitarist Laura Viers (1973), singer/rapper Monica (1980), model Tila Tequila (1981), YouTube PewDiePie (1989), and NFL player Amon-Ra St. Brown (1999).

That’s plenty of news, with much of it in flux as usual. More tomorrow, as always. Enjoy your day.