Random News: January 19, 2024

DISCLAIMER: Zak's Random News is very random and doesn't cover many things, and not everything may be accurate, because I'm just some guy. Go find a real news source.

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Good morning. It’s January 19, 2024, and if you can believe it, it’s a Friday once again! I’m getting toward the end of my annual extreme work marathon, but the last thing you want to do in a race is trip and fall as you approach the finish line. Always run through the tape, which what I’m doing, metaphorically anyway, for another week or so. Meanwhile, let’s do some news.

• On May 24, 2022 in Uvalde, TX, one of history’s most devastating mass shootings took place in an elementary school. Yesterday, a 575-page report was released by the US Justice Department that said the 9- and 10-year-old victims experienced unimaginable horror and witnessed unspeakable violence as a result of their police department’s lack of courage and cascading failures of leadership, decision-making, tactics, policy, and training.
• Those cowards let those kids die rather than do the job they signed up for. It’s beyond disgusting. No justice department review will bring back the kids who may well have been saved if any of those cops in Uvalde had any balls at all.
• Let’s move on before I’m consumed with anger that can’t be directed in any positive way.
• Congress passed a bill yesterday that would prevent a partial government shutdown this weekend and keep federal funds flowing through March 1 and March 8.
• The Democratic-led Senate voted 77-18 on final passage after considering a few amendments. The Republican-led House soon followed suit, passing it by a vote of 314-108. The bill was then signed-off by President Joe Biden to become law. Funding would have expired tonight at midnight.
• It’s the third stopgap bill since last September as the divided Congress struggles to agree on full-year government funding bills. Yesterday's bill passed with mostly Democratic votes, with 107 Republicans voting for it and 106 voting against it.
• The far-right wing of the House is upset with Speaker Johnson for having worked with the Democrats to get the bill through. They don’t understand that doing such is pat of the Speaker’s job description.
• Moving on.
• New Hampshire is usually a flurry of activity going into the “first in the nation” presidential primaries. Not this time.
• They’ve cancelled all debates. The GOP frontrunner, Donnie Dump, chose to spend a day in court rather than spend time in the Granite State. Nikki Haley, is keeping a light schedule. Ron DeSantis has already ceded the state and moved on.
• Next week’s primary will be underwhelming at best.
• Meanwhile, President Biden spent some time courting voters in North Carolina, which is expected to be a battleground state in the 2024 election year.
• Biden’s main event was held at  a community center in Raleigh, where he announced a $3B investment in high-speed internet for rural communities in NC.
• After the event, Biden (along with NC Gov. Roy Cooper) stopped by Cook Out, a local restaurant chain, and got a vanilla milkshake with chocolate syrup, a bacon cheeseburger, and french fries.
• Now I’m hungry.
• Let’s talk about Oklahoma, where Republican state representative JJ Humphrey introduced the bill, HB 3133, that seeks to combat drug and human trafficking, and lay out punishments to those who have committed these “acts of terrorism” in the state.
• With me so far?
• In addition to “a member of a criminal street gang” and someone who “has been convicted of a gang-related offense”, the bill defines a terrorist as “any person who is of Hispanic descent living within the state of Oklahoma”.
• Wait, come again? A terrorist is any person of Hispanic descent? Wow.
• But remember kids, Nikki Haley said that America has never been a racist country. Side note: the punishment for being Hispanic in Oklahoma, per Humphrey’s ill, includes forfeiting all assets, including any and all property, vehicles, and money. If passed in the Republican-controlled legislature, the bill would become law and take effect on 1 November.
• Let’s move on to another idiot… it’s El Dumpo, who in a social post in the middle of the night seems to have conceded that his actions leading up to the January 6, 2021, failed coup attempt at the Capitol may have broken the law.
• “EVEN EVENTS THAT ‘CROSS THE LINE’ MUST FALL UNDER TOTAL IMMUNITY, OR IT WILL BE YEARS OF TRAUMA TRYING TO DETERMINE GOOD FROM BAD,” Trump wrote yesterday at 1:59am about the federal prosecution against him.
• Years of trauma? That would be the amount of time you go unpunished for your crimes, Donnie. Healing begins after justice is served.
• No justice, no peace.
• Three names are being bandied about as the most likely running mates for Smelly Man is he’s the GOP nominee, as is almost certainly the case.
• They are Rep. Elise Stefanik (R-NY), Sen. J.D. Vance (R-OH), and, less likely, Nikki Haley.
• The goal for us as a nation is to never find out how they’d do in the job… especially Stefanik and Vance. Both extreme assholes. Keep in mind, it’s important; if elected Dump is very likely to not live through a four-year term.
• And now, The Weather: “Tiny Flake” by Michael Nau
• Temperatures are slowly climbing out of the scary zone in some places, but there have been at least 41 weather-related deaths across the United States since Sunday.
• As of last night, more than 80 million Americans across 30 states were on alert for cold or snowy weather.
• Stay safe, peoples.
• From the Sports Desk… want some expert picks for the scores and outcomes of this weekend’s NFL divisional matchups? Here’s what ESPN’s gurus predict.
• Houston at Baltimore: Moody’s pick: Ravens 37, Texans 24. Walder's pick: Ravens 27, Texans 20.
• Green Bay at San Francisco: Moody's pick: 49ers 31, Packers 21. Walder's pick: 49ers 30, Packers 23.
• Tampa Bay at Detroit: Moody's pick: Lions 28, Buccaneers 21. Walder's pick: Lions 34, Buccaneers 17.
• Kansas City at Buffalo: Moody's pick: Bills 31, Chiefs 27. Walder's pick: Chiefs 32, Bills 31.
• Today in history… John Wilkes is expelled from the British House of Commons for seditious libel (1764). An army of 5,423 soldiers, led by General José de San Martín, crosses the Andes from Argentina to liberate Chile and then Peru (1817). Johann Wolfgang von Goethe's ‘Faust: The First Part of the Tragedy’ receives its premiere performance (1829). Giuseppe Verdi's opera ‘Il trovatore’ receives its premiere performance in Rome (1853). Georgia joins South Carolina, Florida, Mississippi, and Alabama in declaring secession from the United States (1861). The first electric lighting system employing overhead wires, built by Thomas Edison, begins service at Roselle, NJ (1883). German zeppelins bomb the towns of Great Yarmouth and King's Lynn in the United Kingdom killing at least 20 people, in the first major aerial bombardment of a civilian target (1915). The United States Senate votes against joining the League of Nations (1920). The American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) is founded (1920). Almost 72 percent of all television sets in the United States are tuned into ‘I Love Lucy’ to watch Lucy give birth (1953). The last Volkswagen Beetle made in Germany leaves VW's plant in Emden (1978). United States and Iranian officials sign an agreement to release 52 American hostages after 14 months of captivity (1981). The Apple Lisa, the first commercial personal computer from Apple Computer to have a graphical user interface and a computer mouse, is announced (1983). The first IBM PC computer virus is released into the wild (1986). 
• January 18 is the birthday of engineer James Watt (1736), economist/sociologist/philosopher Auguste Comte (1798), Confederate loser Robert E. Lee (1807), writer Edgar Allan Poe (1809), painter Paul Cézanne (1839), comedian/musician Ish Kabibble (1908), actress Jean Stapleton (1923), actress/animal rights activist Tippi Hedren (1930), singer-songwriter/guitarist Phil Everly (1939), singer-songwriter Janis Joplin (1943), actress Shelley Fabares (1944), NFL player/coach Dan Reeves (1944), singer-songwriter/actress Dolly Parton (1946), singer-songwriter Robert Palmer (1949), singer-songwriter Martha Davis (1951), actor Desi Arnaz, Jr. (1953), actress/singer Katey Sagal (1954), NBA coach Jeff Van Gundy (1962), NBA player Luc Longley (1969), NFL player Junior Seau (1969), actress Jodie Sweetin (1982), NBA player JaVale McGee (1988), and rapper Mac Miller (1992).

That’s plenty. Wish me luck; today’s gonna be busy as fuck. That’s okay. Enjoy your day.