Random News: April 10, 2024

DISCLAIMER: Zak's Random News is very random and doesn't cover many things, and not everything may be accurate, because I'm just some guy. Go find a real news source.

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Good morning. It’s April 10, 2024, and it’s a Wednesday. Seems like a nice day thus far, though I’ve only been up for an hour so it’s hard to make a judgement call just yet. Plenty of stuff happening in the world, so we should talk about that.

• Let’s jump right in to the worst possible news.
• In a historic decision yesterday, the Arizona Supreme Court ruled the state must adhere to a 160-year-old law barring all abortions except in cases when it is necessary to save a pregnant person’s life — a significant ruling that will make a Civil War-era abortion law enforceable in the state.
• The law can be traced back to 1864 — before Arizona became a state. Abraham Lincoln was president at the time; slavery was still legal in the USA.
• The law carries a prison sentence of two to five years for abortion providers, and it puts Arizona among the states with the strictest abortion laws in the country, alongside Texas, Alabama and Mississippi, where bans exist with almost no exceptions.
• So once again, much like the current situation in Florida, the only thing that will save the reproductive right of the people of Arizona will be a state constitutional amendment to guarantee these rights.
• And, of course, the power of your vote against every politician who enabled these draconian laws to be enacted… namely, the Republicans.
• Donnie Dump takes 100% of the credit for having stacked the Supreme Court, leading to the overturning of Roe v. Wade, and allowed states to force women to give birth.
• And now, in Arizona, they will be forced by the state to gestate and deliver the babies of rapists and those created via incest. Neither exception is allowed in Arizona.
• I should add that Arizona Attorney General Kris Mayes vowed, “No woman or doctor will be prosecuted under this draconian law in this state.”
• But if it’s a law, there will be lawsuits that will force the AG to prosecute. That’s why women need these rights enshrined constitutionally.
• The AZ Court was clear about it. “Physicians are now on notice that all abortions, except those necessary to save a woman’s life, are illegal,” the court majority said in the decision.
• Just to be very clear… abortion rights are popular in Arizona: nearly one-third of Arizona voters in the 2022 midterm elections said abortion was the issue that mattered most in helping them decide who to vote for, according to exit polling.
• By a two to one margin, voters in the state said abortion should be legal, and 40% said they felt “angry” about the supreme court decision ending the federal right to an abortion.
• How do Arizona politicians feel about this ruling?
• They’re scared shitless and are suddenly opposing it. In 2022, Kari Lake was running for the governor’s office (which she lost to Katie Hobbs). At the time, she was asked about the 1864 law in question and said the near-total ban is a "great law" and sets an example for other states.
• Yesterday? Lake said, “I oppose today's ruling, and I am calling on Katie Hobbs and the state Legislature to come up with an immediate commonsense solution that Arizonans can support."
• Sorry, no. You made that bed. Sleep in it.
• Vice President Kamala Harris will go to Tucson later this week. She correctly blamed the impending state ban on Dump, whose three supreme court appointees voted to eliminate the federally guaranteed right to an abortion.
• Since the point in June 2022 when Dump’s Supreme Court reversed Roe v. Wade, nearly two dozen states have banned or limited access to the procedure. Providers have warned that restrictive policies on abortion access place patients at risk of poor health outcomes and doctors at risk of legal liability.
• Vote this fall as if this is your last chance being allowed to do so… because unless some shit changes quickly, it will be.
• Moving on.
• Desperate Don is trying everything that’s ever been tried to get out of his criminal trial that starts Monday.
• Yesterday, a New York appeals court judge denied El Dumpo's motion to pause his upcoming criminal trial while considering arguments against a gag order.
• Get fucked, loser.
• And yes, this isn’t deja vu; it’s the second time in two days that an appeals court judge shot down Dumples in his efforts to delay the April 15 start of his hush money trial.
• And speaking of that piece of shit, his pal is in more trouble.
• Allen Weisselberg, the former CFO of the Dump Org, was sentenced this morning to five months in jail for lying under oath during his testimony in the civil fraud lawsuit brought against Dumpy by New York’s attorney general.
• Weisselberg, 76, pleaded guilty last month to two counts of perjury in connection with the suit. He admitted lying when he testified he had little knowledge of how Dump’s Manhattan penthouse came to be valued on his financial statements at nearly three times its actual size.
• Fucking liars who lie.
• Weisselberg was escorted out of the courtroom in handcuffs following the brief sentencing, which lasted less than five minutes. And yes, he also served 100 days last year for dodging taxes on $1.7 million in company perks, including a rent-free Manhattan apartment and luxury cars.
• Let’s do some news that matters.
• How long do you think it will be before a teacher in Tennessee either shoots a child on purpose, or has their gun stolen by a student and used to shoot someone else?
• Why do I ask? Because yesterday, Tennessee Senate Republicans passed legislation that allows public K-12 teachers and school staff to carry concealed handguns on school grounds.
• The measure passed in a 26-5 vote that fell along party lines.
• Tennessee Sen. Paul Bailey (R-Sparta), who sponsored the bill, proudly confirmed that teachers would not need to disclose that they are carrying guns. 
• When a child dies, or a situation is exacerbated by untrained teachers acting as law enforcement, the blood will be in their hands… not that they give a fuck.
• Moving on.
• Yesterday, U.S. District Court Judge Aileen M. Cannon agreed to end a long-running dispute with prosecutors over whether government-agent witnesses in Dump’s classified documents criminal trial should be publicly identified in court filings.
• This is a big win for special counsel Jack Smith, who’d spent months trying to convince Cannon to keep under seal the names of FBI agents, Secret Service agents, and other potential witnesses in the case.
• Not that Dump will respect the order. He’d gladly put law enforcement lives in danger by outing them, and I’d bet any amount of money that he’ll do just that as the trial get underway.
• Donald Trump hates cops. Want proof? Look at how he wants to pardon the January 6 insurrectionists who battered and killed cops at the Capitol in 2021.
• Moving on.
• If you’re a parent of young kids (or have been in the past 25 years or so), you know that Lunchables have been a popular choice for snacks. They’re also distributed by schools under the National School Lunch Program.
• But Consumer Reports warned yesterday that Lunchables contains relatively high levels of lead and sodium. They tested 12 store-bought versions of Lunchables — which are made by Kraft Heinz — along with similar lunch and snack kits and found “relatively high levels of lead and cadmium” in the Lunchables kits.
• Cadmium is a chemical element linked to negative effects on the kidney and the skeletal and respiratory systems and is classified as a human carcinogen.
• And there is no safe level of lead for children.
• All but one of the kits contained harmful phthalates — chemicals found in plastic that can be linked to reproductive issues, diabetes and some cancers.
• I know they’re convenient; my son liked them when he was in elementary school. But maybe rethink what you’re feeding them. It’s rather important.
• And now, The Weather: “Empty and Silent” by Mount Kimbie & King Krule
• Let’s do a chart. It’s 30 years ago in early April 1994, and here’s the top of the Billboard Hot 100 singles. I am 24 years old and working as a marketing assistant.
• What did a marketing assistant do in the pre-Internet era? A whole lot of shit. I stuffed glossy 8x10s into press kits. I put together lists of record labels. I proofed various propaganda and often caught mistakes that the more experienced people glossed over.
• The music? Yeah, most of it is utter shit (which is often true of the pop charts), with a few big exceptions. I see five — six if I’m being generous — really great songs here, if you care to guess what they are.
• 1. The Sign (Ace Of Base). 2. Bump N' Grind (R. Kelly). 3. Without You/Never Forget You (Mariah Carey). 4. The Power Of Love (Celine Dion). 5. Whatta Man (Salt-N-Pepa Featuring En Vogue). 6. So Much In Love (All-4-One). 7. Now And Forever (Richard Marx). 8. Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm (Crash Test Dummies). 9. Gin And Juice (Snoop Doggy Dogg). 10. Cantaloop (Flip Fantasia) (US3). 11. The Most Beautiful Girl In The World (Prince). 12. Because Of Love (Janet Jackson). 13. Breathe Again (Toni Braxton). 14. Streets Of Philadelphia (From "Philadelphia") (Bruce Springsteen). 15. Indian Outlaw (Tim McGraw). 16. Baby I Love Your Way (From "Reality Bites") (Big Mountain). 17. Mary Jane's Last Dance (Tom Petty And The Heartbreakers). 18. Rock And Roll Dreams Come Through (Meat Loaf). 19. Groove Thang (Zhane). 20. Stay (Eternal).
• From the Sports Desk… a number of teams have already qualified for the NBA playoffs.
• Eastern Conference: Boston Celtics (who have also clinched the best record in the league) and Milwaukee Bucks.
• Western Conference: Minnesota Timberwolves, Denver Nuggets, Oklahoma City Thunder, Los Angeles Clippers, and Dallas Mavericks.
• Only a few games remain in the regular season before the final playoff matchups, seeding, and schedule will be announced.
• Today in history… Halley's Comet makes its closest approach to Earth at a distance of 3.2 million miles (837). The Virginia Company of London is established by royal charter by James I of England with the purpose of establishing colonial settlements in North America (1606). Robert Walpole resigns from the British government, commencing the Whig Split which lasts until 1720 (1717). The Mount Tambora volcano begins a three-month-long eruption, ultimately killing 71,000 people and affecting Earth's climate for the next two years (1815). The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (ASPCA) is founded in New York City by Henry Bergh (1866). RMS Titanic sets sail from Southampton, England on her maiden and only voyage (1912). The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald is first published in New York City (1925). Alcoholics Anonymous, A.A.'s "Big Book", is first published (1939). Paul McCartney announces that he is leaving The Beatles for personal and professional reasons (1970). Scientists from the Event Horizon Telescope project announce the first ever image of a black hole, which was located in the centre of the M87 galaxy (2019).
• April 10 is the birthday of naval officer Matthew C. Perry (1794), journalist Joseph Pulitzer (1847), actor Harry Morgan (1915), actress Liz Sheridan (1929), actor Max von Sydow (1929), NFL coach/sportscaster John Madden (1936), singer-songwriter/drummer Bunny Wailer (1947), MLB player Ken Griffey, Sr. (1950), actor/Russian citizen Steven Seagal (1952), singer-songwriter/producer Babyface (1959), singer-songwriter/guitarist Brian Setzer (1959), guitarist Warren DeMartini (1963), drummer Tim Alexander (1965), rapper Q-Tip (1970), actor David Harbour (1975), and actor Haley Joel Osment (1988).

That’s plenty of news for now. The only other notable thing to mention… I go back once again to the dentist today, but fear not; I just have one more permanent crown to have installed in my silly mouth, and that’s it. I should be in and out of there pretty quickly, unlike all of my previous escapades of the dental variety. Enjoy your day.