Random News: April 4, 2024

DISCLAIMER: Zak's Random News is very random and doesn't cover many things, and not everything may be accurate, because I'm just some guy. Go find a real news source.

---

Good morning. It’s April 4, 2024, and it’s a Thursday for some reason. Feels peaceful thus far today, which admittedly is rather early. I’m sure things will get more wacky as time progresses. In fact, that’s an important scientific principle… entropy increases. Things go from orderly to chaotic. Anyway, here’s the news.

• A little tidbit about another denial for the Dump Man.
• He’d begged Judge Merchan with tears in his eyes to push back his Manhattan criminal trial, slated to begin April 15, until after the Supreme Court decides whether he is immune from prosecution.
• Yesterday, Merchan rejected his last-ditch bid to delay the trial beyond April 15, removing what may be the final obstacle to the first criminal prosecution of a former American president.
• To keep you on track, this trial is for covering up the hush-money payments to porn star Stormy Daniels ahead of the 2016 presidential campaign.
• As to whether or not El Dumpo is immune from all criminal prosecution, the Supreme Court will likely not rule until June.
• In other Dumpy news, we’re still trying to fully figure this one out.
• The $175 million bond in Dump’s New York civil fraud case was rejected yesterday, with documents “returned for correction” due to missing financial information.
• The court said that the reason for the rejection was that some of the documentation filed on behalf of Dump failed to include a current financial statement, power of attorney, or list an attorney-in-fact.
• So Dumpy will now have an opportunity to resubmit the documents with the proper information in order for his bond to be accepted, but that means he will also be forced to share his recent financial records.
• Hahahahahahahaha…
• A few people I know seem, understandably, confused about Dumpy’s media stock, and how it can be supposedly worth so much despite being such a poorly-run and money-losing business since its launch.
• I’m no financial genius (trust me), but I do know what’s happening there. See, the people investing in Dump’s company are betting on its collapse.
• Trump Media & Technology Group, which trades under the ticker DJT, slipped again yesterday to below $50 per share, declining this week from its high near $80 and erasing more than $2 billion of market value.
• Trump Media is the most “shorted” special purpose acquisition vehicle in the country. Short-sellers bet that the price of a stock will fall.
• What that means: they borrow shares of a company, sell them into the market, then buy them back later at a lower price, before returning the shares to the lender and pocketing the difference as profit.
• It’s a short-term, quick-buck economic game for these folks… not an actual investment. The only way for it to work is if the stock craters very quickly.
• Heh heh.
• And now that we’ve poked a bunch of fuck at that fat fuck, it’s time for a reality check.
• You should be aware that despite all of the evidence that seems so obvious to any sane person that Donnie Dump is a madman who should never be near the White House again, look at this current poll of battleground states from the Wall Street Journal…
• Arizona: Trump 47%, Biden 42%
• Georgia: Trump 44%, Biden 43%
• Michigan: Trump 48%, Biden 45%
• North Carolina: Trump 49%, Biden 43%
• Nevada: Trump 48%, Biden 44%
• Pennsylvania: Trump 47%, Biden 44%
• Wisconsin: Trump 46%, Biden 46%
• You know how I feeling about polling methodology being outdated and misleading. But let me be as clear as possible to you…
• Either you vote and make sure that everyone who is close to you votes, or you can count on everything I’ve told you about a second Dump term coming true.
• Also, in our continuing coverage of the anti-American pieces of shit who attempted and failed an insurrection at the US Capitol on January 6, 2021, meet Taylor James Johnatakis.
• He was sentenced yesterday to more than seven years in prison by US District Judge Royce Lamberth, who had some choice words for him. Lamberth is a senior judge appointed by Ronald Reagan.
• “This cannot become normal… We cannot condone the normalization of the January 6 US Capitol riot. There can be no room in our country for this sort of political violence,” he said.
• After his conviction in November, Johnatakis has mirrored Dump’s rhetoric in interviews about the insurrection, saying “everything about January 6 is just overblown,” and referring to the jail in Washington, DC, as a “gulag.”
• As you’re aware, Dump has pledged to pardon the people convicted of crimes from the attack on the Capitol, including the ones who were tried and convicted of assaulting law enforcement officers,
• Do NOT drive around with a “thin blue line” bumper sticker on your truck and then vote for Dump. The man is actively supporting cop killers.
• If you care at all about justice, vote for Joe Biden this fall, or at least don’t vote for Smelly Orange Man. Thank you.
• Okay, now on to something completely different.
• What is the Sun?
• It’s a star. There are somewhere between 100 and 400 billion stars in our galaxy alone, and there may be 2 trillion galaxies in the observable universe.
• So our Sun is one of an incomprehensible number of other stars in our universe.
• What is it, though? Well, it’s a huge nuclear fusion explosion that stays together because of its own massive gravity. 
• Its energy, emitted from its surface as light, ultraviolet, and infrared radiation, provides most of the energy for life on Earth.
• No Sun, no life. And no wonder most civilizations worshipped it at some point. It’s a very tangible thing to credit for our being here and alive.
• Fun Fact: the Sun contains 99.86 of the mass of our entire solar system, but it’s made almost entirely of the two lightest elements: hydrogen (73%) and helium (25%). There’s just a lot of it, you see.
• Why am I talking about the Sun?
• Because the far-right is crawling with conspiracy theories that Monday’s upcoming solar eclipse will usher in a billionaire-led new world order, who will bring in National Guard troops to force children who play sports to be transgender.
• You think I’m kidding. I am not.
• Sigh. It would be funny if it wasn’t terribly sad.
• And now, The Weather: “Hands Of The Zodiac” by Fu Manchu
• I probably don’t need to mention that there are massive storms in the Midwest and Northeast. Stay safe, stay warm, stay dry, and don’t fuck with Mother Nature. She will win.
• RIP to the oldest man in the world. Well, the previously oldest man in the world.
• Juan Vicente Pérez Mora got the title of the oldest living man on February 4, 2022, when he was 112 years and 253 days. He ended up living until yesterday, not long before his 115th birthday. Pérez was the fourth oldest validated living person in the world and was reportedly the only man alive born before 1911.
• That guy was born on May 27, 1909. He was my current age when the Beatles first album came out in 1963. Impressive.
• From the Sports Desk… we’re a couple of weeks into the MLB season, otherwise known as the sport people care about until better sports are available.
• Still, let’s look at the current best teams in baseball for no reason at all.
• 1. Pittsburgh Pirates (5-0). 2. New York Yankees (6-1). 3. Detroit Tigers (4-0). 4. Los Angeles Dodgers (6-2). 5. Milwaukee Brewers (4-1). 6. Cleveland Guardians (5-2). 7. Boston Red Sox (5-2). 8. Texas Rangers (4-2). 9. Los Angeles Angels (4-2). 10. Atlanta Braves (3-2).
• Today in history… Francis Drake is knighted by Queen Elizabeth I for completing a circumnavigation of the world (1581). Georges Cuvier delivers the first paleontological lecture (1796). The United States Congress, affirming the Second Continental Congress, adopts the flag of the United States with 13 red and white stripes and one star for each state — 20 at that time (1818). William Henry Harrison dies of pneumonia, becoming the first President of the United States to die in office, and setting the record for the briefest administration (1841). Argonia, KS elects Susanna M. Salter as the first female mayor in the United States (1887). The Schutzstaffel (SS) is founded under Adolf Hitler's Nazi Party in Germany (1925). Soviet Red Army troops liberate Hungary from German occupation and occupy the country themselves (1945). Twelve nations sign the North Atlantic Treaty creating the North Atlantic Treaty Organization (1949). The CND peace symbol is displayed in public for the first time in London (1958). The Beatles occupy the top five positions on the Billboard Hot 100 pop chart (1964). Martin Luther King Jr. is assassinated by James Earl Ray at a motel in Memphis, TN (1968). The Twin Towers of the World Trade Center in New York City are officially dedicated (1973). Microsoft is founded as a partnership between Bill Gates and Paul Allen in Albuquerque, NM (1975). Space Shuttle Challenger makes its maiden voyage into space on STS-6 (1983). Finland becomes a member of NATO after Turkey accepts its membership request (2023).
• April 4 is the birthday of guitarist/composer/priest Gaspar Sanz (1640), politician Thaddeus Stevens (1792), engineer/businessman Linus Yale Jr. (1821), architect Mary Colter (1869), Japanese admiral Isoroku Yamamoto (1884), MLB player Tris Speaker (1888), dancer Arthur Murray (1895), singer-songwriter Muddy Waters (1913), composer Elmer Bernstein (1922), poet Maya Angelou (1928), music producer Clive Davis (1932), trumpeter Hugh Masekela (1939), MLB player/manager Jim Fregosi (1942), actor Craig T. Nelson (1944), bass player Berry Oakley (1948), actress Christine Lahti (1950), singer-songwriter/guitarist Gary Moore (1952), actor Hugo Weaving (1960), talk show host Graham Norton (1963), actor/producer David Cross (1964), actor Robert Downey Jr. (1965), bass player Mike Starr (1966), actor Heath Ledger (1979), comedian Eric Andre (1983), and actress Jamie Lynn Spears (1991).

That seems like plenty of information. I have no special plans for the day. Just work and… I guess that’s all. Enjoy your day.