Random News: August 20, 2024

DISCLAIMER: Zak's Random News is very random and doesn't cover many things, and not everything may be accurate, because I'm just some guy. Go find a real news source.

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Good morning. It’s August 20, 2024, and it’s a Tuesday. It’s super quiet so far here today, but then, it’s not quite 7am, and I’m sure the decibel level will be rising shortly as the world gets going. Let’s do some news.

• Yesterday was the first day of the 2024 Democratic National Convention.
• Some of the people who appeared there to speak included UAW President Shawn Fain, Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, Sec. Hillary Rodham Clinton, Rep. Jamie Raskin, Rep. Jasmine Crockett, Gov. Andy Beshear, Sen. Raphael Warnock, Sen. Chris Coons, and the headliner of the first day, President Joe Biden.
• I have to say, the 5+ minutes of the crowd roaring before Joe could say a word was moving.
• My favorite Biden moments of the night were when he was being open and sincere… something we could count on from Joe more than most political leaders.
• “I made a lot of mistakes in my career. But I gave my best to you for 50 years,” he said. “Like many of you, I give my heart and soul to our nation.”
• He added, “I've either been too young to be in the Senate because I wasn't 30 yet or too old to stay as president. But I hope you know how grateful I am to all of you.”
• Thank you Joe!
• Throughout all the speeches, the crowd inside seemed extraordinarily unified. The Democratic nominee made a short surprise appearance onstage, and the place went fucking nuts. Kamala Harris is a rock star.
• Another surprise appearance was Golden State Warriors coach (and former Chicago Bull) Steve Kerr, who is both a brilliant man and an outstanding speaker. He took the stage to the Alan Parsons Project song “Sirius,” sending the crowd completely bonkers — that was the walk-on music of Kerr’s ‘90s Bulls there at the United Center.
• I enjoyed it immensely when Kerr said at the end of his remarks, “After the results are tallied that night, we can — in the words of the great Steph Curry — we can tell Donald Trump, ‘Night, night,’” while making Curry’s well-known naptime gesture. 
• Side note: Kerr has nine championship rings, with five NBA championships during a 15-year playing career and four more as a coach. He knows how to win.
• How did the MAGA world take day one of the DNC? Not so good.
• Over on the hellhole now known as X, many of them were speculating that they were going to be “replaced” by Black people.
• Lemme just tell you, if you’re getting “replaced” by people you fear, maybe you just suck at whatever you do. Be better.
• Day two of the convention is today. Among a long list of speakers is former President Barack Obama, who will address the convention in his hometown of Chicago, along with Michelle Obama, Illinois Gov. J.B. Pritzker, Second Gentleman Doug Emhoff and more.
• Let’s move on.
• Need another good reason to register to vote and then make sure you vote on or before November 5?
• In 1932, Germans who couldn’t be bothered with voting got their next chance in 1946. And that was only possible after their entire country was nearly destroyed, and their leader went into a bunker, took cyanide, and then shot himself in the head.
• If Dumples the Clown is elected, there’s a very high possibility that the United States will change from a democracy to an autocracy — something Dump has threatened to enact — and that’s the end of elections… for Republicans, Democrats, and everyone else.
• Moving on.
• Yesterday, U.S. Secretary of State Antony Blinken said that Israel has accepted a proposal to bridge differences holding up a cease-fire and hostage release in Gaza, and he called on Hamas to do the same.
• Escalating tensions via the targeted killings of two top militants that were blamed on Israel have raised fears of an even more destructive regional war.
• Blinken spoke after holding a 2-1/2 hour meeting with Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu. He is traveling to Egypt and Qatar for further negotiations.
• All talks so far have failed. Let’s hope this one sticks.
• Moving on.
• Remember that idiot George Santos, the guy who was expelled from Congress as he faced nearly two dozen criminal charges?
• Yesterday he reached a plea deal with federal prosecutors in New York on two federal counts. Santos pleaded guilty to wire fraud and aggravated identity theft. 
• The plea deal may come with an estimated sentencing range between 6-8 years. He's set for sentencing February 7 at federal court in Central Islip. 
• In court, Santos admitted fraudulently using credit cards of at least one other person for his personal benefit, as well as making false statements to the Federal Election Commission. He also admitted to committing wire fraud between Sept-Oct of 2022. 
• Under the agreement, Santos will have to repay at least $373,000. 
• In somewhat related news…
• Are there criminal Democrat political assholes? Of course there are.
• Trayon White Sr., a District of Columbia councilmember known for promoting antisemitic conspiracy theories, accepted over $150,000 in bribes in exchange for pressuring D.C. employees to extend city contracts for violence intervention services.
• White was arrested Sunday on a federal bribery charge and ordered released from custody after a brief court appearance yesterday.
• This prick agreed in June to accept roughly $156,000 in kickbacks and cash payments in exchange for pressuring government agency employees to extend two companies’ contracts worth over $5 million. He also accepted a $20,000 bribe payment to help resolve a contract dispute for one of the companies by pressuring high-level district officials.
• Lock his ass up.
• In “things you don’t do in politics” news…
• Senator JD Vance (R-OH) made a stop by Pat’s King of Steaks in Philadelphia. It’s something that a lot of candidates do. Pat’s is known — controversially to some — as the inventor of the cheesesteak.
• While he apparently didn’t go as far as to commit the ultimate sin that John Kerry did in 2003 when he attempted to order his streak sandwich with Swiss cheese, Vance did ask at the counter why they thought that ordering with Swiss was insulting.
• If you know, you know.
• And if you’re ever running for national office and find yourself at a famous Philly cheesesteak spot — maybe go to Geno’s — and you don’t want to look like an asshole, you order it “with” if you want onions, “without” if you don’t, and then you specify between American cheese, provolone, or Whiz.
• My order is “One provolone, with.” It’s not hard. Anyway, Dump just lost Pennsylvania.
• Moving on.
• No, wait, hold up a sec.
• Can one of you explain to me this new MAGA trend of walking about with containers of JD Vance’s cum?
• Yes. That’s what I wrote. Sperm. Semen. Jizz. Can someone explain this to me? Why are they doing it?
• I guess that’s the kind of thing Republicans are into these days. Carrying around plastic cups of some guy’s cum. But no, don’t call them weird. That’s perfectly normal.
• Or is it?
• Let’s move on. Warning for the next eight or so bullets about sexual abuse.
• I want to mention Chrystul Kizer, a Wisconsin woman who was sentenced yesterday to 11 years in prison plus five years of extended supervision. Her crime?
• She killed the man who sexually abused her as a teenager. Kizer, now 24, initially faced a possible life sentence for shooting 34-year-old Randall Volar III when she was 17. Volar, who was White, had been filming his sexual abuse of Kizer, who is Black, for more than a year.
• She agreed to plead guilty to a reduced charge of second-degree reckless homicide with use of a dangerous weapon, which carried a maximum sentence of 30 years in prison.
• Kizer’s case marked the first time a Wisconsin court had allowed a defendant who was a sex-trafficking victim to use an “affirmative defense” for a homicide charge.
• More than 30 states have affirmative defense provisions that allow trafficking victims to be acquitted of certain charges against them if they can prove at trial that a crime was committed because of their abuse.
• Perhaps the worst part of all this: the Kenosha Police Department knew Volar was abusing underage Black girls for nearly three months before his death.
• After a 15-year-old Black girl fled from his home in nothing but a bra and jacket, police raided Volar’s residence and found hundreds of videos of child sexual abuse; among the stash were videos Volar had made of Kizer and girls who appeared to be as young as 12.
• But while the investigation continued, police and prosecutors allowed Volar to remain free.
• I wish they could bring Volar back to life… so she could kill him again. I’d gladly help.
• And now, The Weather: “Spit” by Wishy
• Rest in peace to the world’s oldest person. US-born Maria Branyas Morera has died at the age of 117.
• Guinness World Records released a statement confirming her death at the age of 117 years 168 days, making her the eighth-oldest person with a verifiable age in history.
• She said, “I don’t know when, but very soon this long journey will come to an end. Death will find me worn down from having lived so much, but I want it to find me smiling, free, and satisfied.”
• Works for me.
• Let’s do a chart. This is the historic top of the Billboard 100 singles chart for April 4, 1964. Why that date?
• Tim Walz, our next vice president, was born two days later on April 6! And I should add, six months later in October of that same year, Kamala Harris was born.
• Why is it historic? Look at the top five entries.
• 1. Can't Buy Me Love (The Beatles). 2. Twist And Shout (The Beatles). 3. She Loves You (The Beatles). 4. I Want To Hold Your Hand (The Beatles). 5. Please Please Me (The Beatles). 6. Suspicion (Terry Stafford). 7. Hello, Dolly! (Louis Armstrong And The All Stars). 8. The Shoop Shoop Song (It's In His Kiss) (Betty Everett). 9. My Heart Belongs To Only You (Bobby Vinton). 10. Glad All Over (The Dave Clark Five). 11. Dawn (Go Away) (The 4 Seasons). 12. The Way You Do The Things You Do (The Temptations). 13. Fun, Fun, Fun (The Beach Boys). 14. Don't Let The Rain Come Down (Crooked Little Man) (The Serendipity Singers). 15. Needles And Pins (The Searchers). 16. Stay (The 4 Seasons). 17. Kissin' Cousins (Elvis Presley With The Jordanaires). 18.  You're A Wonderful One (Marvin Gaye). 19. Java (Al (He's the King) Hirt). 20. Hi-Heel Sneakers (Tommy Tucker).
• From the Sports Desk… let’s try something a little different and rank the top MLB teams by the percentage of their chance of making the playoffs, noting that there are still another 35+ games remaining in the regular 162-game season.
• American League: Yankees (99.4%), Orioles (98.5%), Guardians (93.1%), Twins (90.5%), Astros (86.5%).
• National League: Dodgers (99.8%), Phillies (99.5%), Brewers (98.9%), Padres (93.6%), Diamondbacks (87.7%).
• How do they get these percentages? I don’t know. It’s definitely some algorithm that takes into account all teams’ records, who’s on their remaining schedule, and likely other considerations.
• Is it weird that three of the five teams in the NL West are on this list? Yeah.
• Today in history… Charles Darwin first publishes his theory of evolution through natural selection (1854). Andrew Johnson declares the Civil War officially over (1866). Tchaikovsky debuts his ‘1812 Overture’ in Moscow (1882). The first commercial radio station, now called WWJ, begins operations in Detroit (1920). The American Professional Football Conference, now called the National Football League, is organized in Canton, OH (1920). Lou Gehrig hits his 23rd grand slam, a record that stood for 75 years (1938). NASA launches the Viking 1 probe toward Mars (1975). Nasa launches the Voyager 2 spacecraft (1977). More than 100,000 people rally at the Soviet parliament building protesting the coup to depose Gorbachev (1991). Joe Biden gives his acceptance speech as the Democratic presidential nominee (2020). 
• August 20 is the birthday of US president Benjamin Harrison (1833), France president Raymond Poincaré (1860), writer H. P. Lovecraft (1890), singer-songwriter/trombonist Jack Teagarden (1905), screenwriter/producer Walter Bernstein (1919), songwriter/pedal steel guitarist Sneaky Pete Kleinow (1934), singer-songwriter Isaac Hayes (1942), journalist Connie Chung (1946), singer-songwriter Robert Plant (1948), singer-songwriter/bass player Phil Lynott (1949), singer-songwriter John Hiatt (1952), news anchor Al Roker (1954), writer/director David O. Russell (1958), rapper KRS-One (1965), guitarist/songwriter Dimebag Darrell Abbott (1966), singer Fred Durst (1970), MLB player Todd Helton (1973), actress Amy Adams (1974), singer-songwriter Demi Lovato (1992), and NFL player Mitchell Trubisky (1994).

That’s plenty for now. There are lots of clips of speeches from last night’s DNC Day 1 on YouTube and elsewhere; check them out if you have a moment. Enjoy your day.