Random News: April 29, 2025

DISCLAIMER: Zak's Random News is very random and doesn't cover many things, and not everything may be accurate, because I'm just some guy. Go find a real news source.

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Good morning. It’s April 29, 2025, and it’s a Tuesday. I have so much. news for you today that I don’t know what I’m going to do. As opposed to thinking about that, I should just start writing really fast and see how much I can get it.

• We'll start today’s news north of the US border, where Canada had their federal elections yesterday.
• Congrats to Prime Minister Mark Carney’s Liberal Party, who won handily and capped a stunning turnaround in fortunes, thanks entirely to the ineptitude of Donnie Dump.
• It was so bad that Carney’s rival, populist Conservative Party leader Pierre Poilievre — kind of a Canadian Dumpy — wasn’t only rejected as the next Prime Minister; he was voted out of his own seat in Parliament.
• After polls closed, the Liberals were projected to win more of Parliament’s 343 seats than the Conservative Party, though it wasn’t immediately clear if they would win an outright majority or would need to rely on one or more smaller parties to form a government and pass legislation.
• As of just a few months ago, that same Liberal party looked to be heading toward a crushing defeat, and were down in national polls by 27 points.
• Then Dumpy started attacking Canada’s economy and threatening its sovereignty, insulting the country, and making serious statements that it should become the 51st state.
• And due 100% to Dumples the Demented Clown, infuriated Canadians had a surge in nationalism that helped the Liberals flip the election narrative and win a fourth-straight term in power.
• On a relevant side note, Dumpy has said many times that the U.S doesn’t need Canada.
• Then why does a quarter of the oil America consumes per day comes from the country?
• About 60% of U.S. crude oil imports are from Canada, and 85% of U.S. electricity imports as well. Canada is also the largest foreign supplier of steel, aluminum, and uranium to the U.S., and has 34 critical minerals and metals that the Pentagon is eager for and investing in for national security.
• Nearly $2.7 billion USD worth of goods and services cross the border every fucking day of the year.
• And the grand majority of Americans view our friendship with our northern neighbors to be invaluable.
• Let’s move on.
• Dumpy is bigly mad — which he is daily, the man is a miserable motherfucker 24/7 — this time at Amazon.
• Why? Because the online retail giant is going to be displaying how much tariffs are increasing prices next to products.
• That’s actually a really good idea. As people are now discovering, prices on some items are now double or even triple what they would have been without Dumpy’s tariff taxes on the American people.
• White House Mouth of Sauron Karoline Leavitt said this morning, “I just got off the phone with the president about this, about Amazon’s announcement. This is a hostile and political act by Amazon.”
• Hahahahaha! I mean, I thought he was proud of the tariffs. Why wouldn’t he want people to know all about them?
• One reason: Americans’ confidence in the economy slumped for the fifth straight month to the lowest level since the onset of the COIVD-19 pandemic as anxiety over the impact of tariffs take a heavy toll on consumer expectations for future growth.
• It was announced this morning that the consumer confidence index fell 7.9 points in April to 86, its lowest reading since May 2020.
• Even a good number of MAGA folks are being forced to acknowledge that prices are starting to rise because of Dumpy’s poorly-planned widespread tariffs. 
• Wait until they find out about the shocking lack of goods that are coming into the country, or the truckers who are refusing to transport items when there’s nothing to pick up on the other end.
• We have yet to feel the real effects of Dumpy’s evil plans to destroy America. And when we do, I hope that some of those folks aren’t so deeply brainwashed they even they can admit they made a huge mistake by supporting Dump.
• Moving on.
• Giving credit where credit is due, I commend the House for passing a bipartisan bill yesterday that makes it a federal crime to post real and fake sexually explicit imagery online of a person without their consent.
• The bill, known as the "Take It Down Act," cleared the lower chamber in a 409-2 vote. The only "no" votes came from Republican Reps. Thomas Massie (R-KY) and Eric Burilson (R-MO). The Senate had unanimously passed the measure in February. 
• The legislation requires social media companies and other websites to remove images and videos, including deepfakes generated by artificial intelligence, within 48 hours after a victim's request.
• And it truly was bipartisan; the measure was sponsored by Senate Commerce Chair Ted Cruz (R-TX) and Sen. Amy Klobuchar (D-MN) in the upper chamber, while Reps. Elvira Salazar (R-FL) and Madeline Dean (D-PA) were the co-leads on the House version.
• As we’ve discussed here in depth before, in recent years there have been an alarming number of cases where victims have been extorted that have ended in suicide.
• Meta — which owns Facebook, Instagram, and threads — as well as TikTok and Snapchat have all said they support the legislation.
• Elon Musk’s X has not stated that they support it. Figures.
• And — completely misunderstanding the point of it — Dumpy said, “And I’m going to use that bill for myself too, if you don’t mind, because nobody gets treated worse than I do online, nobody.”
• You. Fucking. Dipshit.
• Moving on.
• Dumpy’s been signing those executive orders again.
• Yesterday, he signed one that requires English-language proficiency for commercial motor drivers, such as truckers.
• Seems like a pretty good idea. That’s why the requirement already exists. Dump said it “has not been enforced in years.” So to be clear, he’s still signing orders that are already laws in the USA.
• It would be like me walking into a restaurant and commanding you to eat while you’re chewing your food. Then taking credit for it.
• Another of Dumpy’s EO’s directs state and federal officials to publish lists of “sanctuary city” jurisdictions, or places where local authorities often don’t cooperate in enforcing federal immigration regulations.
• He actually tried that same thing during his first term — but the cities fought back, and were often able to defeat those efforts in court.
• Just last week, a federal judge blocked the administration's latest effort to withhold funding from 16 jurisdictions, including San Francisco, Portland, Seattle, Minneapolis, St. Paul, and New Haven.
• So this is, once again, all performative bullshit.
• This past weekend, The Dumpster also announced he was “bringing Columbus Day back from the ashes.”
• Um, whether it should have or not, Columbus Day has never gone away. It’s a federal holiday.
• What Dumpy was trying to say is that he would not follow his predecessor’s practice of recognizing Indigenous Peoples Day alongside Columbus Day in October.
• Which, again, is fine. He — like all Americans — can choose to celebrate whatever he wants. Here in California, we don’t recognize Columbus Day. We instead recognize and honor the people whose sovereign land we stole when we people of European lineage arrived on these shores in the 1600s.
• But since Dumpy brought up Columbus, it gives me the opportunity to reiterate a couple of things.
• One: Columbus never set foot on mainland North America, and never touched any territory that’s now part of the USA. He landed in the Caribbean. At no point did his journey take him to America. Never.
• Two: Columbus was a vile colonizer and slave trader. The one piece of good news I can tell you about him was that Spain ended up fucking him over for what he thought was his reward for exploration, and he died basically penniless at age 54
• What kind of man was this hero of Donnie Dump? Here’s part of a letter he wrote to a friend…
• ”While I was in the boat, I captured a very beautiful Carib woman... I then took a piece of rope and whipped her soundly, and she let forth such incredible screams that you would not have believed your ears. Eventually we came to such terms, I assure you, that you would have thought that she had been brought up in a school for whores."
• That’s 100% real and documented. Don’t believe me? Look it up.
• And Columbus congratulated his brother Bartolomeo on "defending the family" when the latter ordered a woman paraded naked through the streets and then had her tongue cut out for suggesting that Columbus was of lowly birth.
• These were among the worst people in history. I will not honor them and I will never celebrate their villainy, no matter what you call the holiday.
• Moving on.
• A note to anyone applauding the efforts of Elon Musk's Department of Government Efficiency, aka DOGE.
• The joke is on you.
• Elon and DOGE claimed to have saved $160 billion through its push to root out wasteful or fraudulent government spending.
• But that effort came at a cost for taxpayers, with a new estimate from a nonpartisan research and advocacy group estimating that DOGE's actions will cost $135 billion this fiscal year alone.
• The analysis tallied the costs associated with putting tens of thousands of federal employees on paid leave, re-hiring mistakenly fired workers, and lost productivity. 
• Plus, the $135 billion cost to taxpayers doesn't include the expense of defending multiple lawsuits challenging DOGE's actions, nor the impact of estimated lost tax collections due to staff cuts at the IRS. 
• Slow clap.
• In yet other news…
• Yesterday, Rep. Gerry Connolly (D-VA) announced that he won't seek reelection in 2026 and plans to step back "soon" from his post as the top Democrat on the House Oversight Committee. 
• Sadly, the long-serving Virginia Democrat said his cancer had returned. Connolly, 75, said he will "do everything possible to continue to represent" his constituents for the remainder of his term, adding that the "sun is setting on my time in public service."
• Salute to Connolly, a good man, and let’s keep his seat blue. It’s a relatively safe district, so hopefully it stays that way.
• And now, The Weather: “IMAGINE” by Boko Yout
• The Rock & Roll Hall of Fame has its list of inductees. This year’s class includes first-time nominees Chubby Checker, Joe Cocker, and Bad Company, as well as Cyndi Lauper, Outkast, the White Stripes, and Soundgarden.
• I’m cool with all of those.
• The Rock Hall’s Musical Influence Awards are going to Salt-N-Pepa and Warren Zevon. And their Musical Excellence Award is going to the well-deserved trio of producer Thom Bell, pianist Nicky Hopkins, and bassist Carol Kaye.
• And in other music news, Jack Black has broken a Billboard record with “Steve’s Lava Chicken,” his song from ‘A Minecraft Movie,’ which has debuted on the Hot 100 this week.
• How is it notable? It has a runtime of 34 fucking seconds, making it the record for shortest song to ever crack the singles chart. It hit this week at No. 77.
• Jack Black is impossible not to like.
• Let’s do a chart.
• It’s the end of April 1972. I’m going on three years old. I believe we lived in Detroit at the time.
• And this may well be the best collection of music I’ve ever included here. That’s obviously a subjective statement, but take a look at the top of the Billboard 200 albums chart at the time…
• 1. America (America). 2. Harvest (Neil Young). 3. First Take (Roberta Flack). 4. Fragile (Yes). 5. Eat A Peach (The Allman Brothers Band). 6. Nilsson Schmilsson (Nilsson). 7. Paul Simon (Paul Simon). 8. Let's Stay Together (Al Green). 9. Baby I'm-A Want You (Bread). 10. Tapestry (Carole King). 11. Young, Gifted And Black (Aretha Franklin). 12. Smokin' (Humble Pie). 13. FM & AM (George Carlin). 14. Hendrix In The West (Jimi Hendrix). 15. American Pie (Don McLean). 16. All I Ever Need Is You (Sonny & Cher). 17. Music (Carole King). 18. The Partridge Family Shopping Bag (The Partridge Family). 19. Malo (Malo). 20. The Concert For Bangla Desh (George Harrison).
• From the Sports Desk… more playoff scores? Sure.
• In the NBA: the Cavs became the first team to make it past the first round, beating the Heat by an embarrassing 138-83 and sweeping the series 4-0. The Warriors had a thriller against the Rockets, winning 109-106 at the buzzer and taking a 3-1 lead in the series.
• In the NHL, the Panthers beat the Lightning 4-2, and now lead that series 3-1. The Stars beat the Avalanche 6-2, grabbing a 3-1 lead there as well.
• Today in history… Joan of Arc arrives to relieve the Siege of Orléans (1429). James Cook arrives in Australia at Botany Bay, which he names (1770). Maryland's House of Delegates votes not to secede from the Union (1861). The Parliament of the United Kingdom passes the People's Budget, the first budget in British history with the expressed intent of redistributing wealth among the British public (1910). SOE agent Nancy Wake, a leading figure in the French Resistance and the Gestapo's most wanted person, parachutes back into France to be a liaison between London and the local maquis group (1944). Adolf Hitler marries his longtime partner Eva Braun in a Berlin bunker (1945). After refusing induction into the United States Army the previous day, Muhammad Ali is stripped of his boxing title (1967). The controversial musical ‘Hair’ opens at the Biltmore Theatre on Broadway (1968). United States President Richard Nixon announces the release of edited transcripts of White House tape recordings relating to the Watergate scandal (1974). Riots in Los Angeles following the acquittal of police officers charged with excessive force in the beating of Rodney King, and over the next three days 63 people are killed and hundreds of buildings are destroyed (1992). The final Oldsmobile is built in Lansing, Michigan, ending 107 years of vehicle production (2004).
• April 29 is the birthday of physician/polymath John Arbuthnot (1667), mathematician/physicist Henri Poincaré (1854), publisher William Randolph Hearst (1863), immunologist Michael Heidelberger (1888), pianist/composer Duke Ellington (1899), Japan emperor Hirohito (1901), harmonica player Toots Thielemans (1922), singer-songwriter Lonnie Donegan (1931), singer-songwriter Willie Nelson (1933), singer-songwriter/guitarist Otis Rush (1935), felon Bernie Madoff (1938), politician Debbie Stabenow (1950), race car driver Dale Earnhardt (1951), comedian/actor Jerry Seinfeld (1954), actor Leslie Jordan (1955), actress Kate Mulgrew (1955), actor Daniel Day-Lewis (1957), actress Michelle Pfeiffer (1958), actress Eve Plumb (1958), actor Federico Castelluccio (1964), tennis player Andre Agassi (1970), actress Uma Thurman (1970), NBA player God Shammgod (1976), NFL player Jay Cutler (1983), and NHL player Jonathan Toews (1988).

That’s a lot of news. Sometimes a lot of things happen. I try to tell you the stuff that might be important to you, or to someone you love. I think we do a pretty good job of that here at Zak’s Random News. Enjoy your day.