Random News: May 23, 2022

DISCLAIMER: Zak's Random News is very random and doesn't cover many things, and not everything may be accurate, because I'm just some guy. Go find a real news source.

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Good morning. It’s May 23, 2022, and sadly, it’s a Monday. Random whatever coming at ya…

• President Biden says the US would respond militarily in the event that China were to invade Taiwan. This is no change to current US policy, but personally I think we need less violent conflict in the world, not more of it. That being said, as always (or at least when it’s mutually beneficial), the US lives up to its commitment to help protect allies.
• Here’s my campaign slogan, were I to run for office: Hey Everyone, Mellow the Fuck Out!
• P.S. I’m never running for office.
• The guy who was President for awhile is advocating civil war in the USA on his social media platform. Ironic, in a sad way, that he’s enough of a seditious prick to call for war but not at all man enough to fight in one. In case you need a reminder: inciting civil war is specifically illegal in this country.
• In sports news, the Dubs are now up three-zip over the Mavs. I don’t think they can be stopped.
• Tomorrow is primary election day for Georgia, Alabama, Arkansas, Texas, and Minnesota. A few notes… in GA, Marjorie Taylor Greene has several Republican challengers for office, but I’d be surprised if she doesn’t end up being the GOP candidate. In AL we have a funny situation: Rep Mo Brooks — a complete prick who helped in the January 6 insurrection — was doing poorly until Trump rescinded his endorsement due to some perceived slight, and now is polling ahead of everyone in the field. Sarah Huckabee Sanders, the evil former press secretary, is heavily favored to get the GOP nomination for AR’s governor. In TX, it is unlikely that any other asshole will topple the current asshole attorney General Ken Paxton. It’s an asshole battle; we all lose. In MN, I got nothing.
• Today in history… 1788: South Carolina becomes the eighth state to ratify the US Constitution. 1829: Cyrill Demian get a patent for a new instrument, the accordion. 1934: Bank robbers Bonnie and Clyde are ambushed and killed by police in Louisiana. 
• May 23 is the birthday of botanist Carl Linnaeus (1707), actor Scatman Crothers (1910), bandleader Artie Shaw (also 1910), musician Jewel (1974), and NFL player Aaron Donald (1991).

That’s it for now, my people. On a side note, I didn’t sleep well and feel like crap today, which is unusual for me, so here’s a note of self-pity and a hope that I get my shit together before much longer.