Random News: May 9, 2023

DISCLAIMER: Zak's Random News is very random and doesn't cover many things, and not everything may be accurate, because I'm just some guy. Go find a real news source.

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Good morning. It’s May 9, 2023, and it’s a Tuesday. Tons of stuff going on, so get in and buckle up…

• Florida has banned Chinese citizens from purchasing land in the state.
• I’m serious.
• Yesterday, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis (R) signed bills SB 264, SB 846, and SB 258 into law. 
• “We don't want the Chinese Communist Party in the Sunshine State,” DeSantis said at a press conference in Brooksville, FL. “We want to maintain this as the free state of Florida.”
• The bill also singles out citizens from other “countries of concern” including Cuba, Iran, North Korea, Russia, Syria and Venezuela.
• What’s the next nationality or race or religion that will be banned from Florida?
• In other news…
• Attorneys for Oath Keepers founder Stewart Rhodes are begging for leniency in his upcoming sentencing for seditious conspiracy in the Jan. 6, 2021 failed coup attempt.
• Federal prosecutors are seeking a 25-year sentence. But get this… Rhodes lawyers want his sentence to be the 16 months of “time served” and noting else.
• And those pricks are using his role in the Oath Keepers as some kind of heroic action for which he should be credited.
• “If the history and character of a man is to be judged by what he creates and how that organization functions within and for the benefit of society, then it is imperative that the court give great deference to Mr. Rhodes for the 12 years of service and dedication of the Oath Keepers, as evinced through the organization’s history of community involvement and volunteerism in times of natural disaster and civil unrest.” - Rhodes’s attorneys Phillip A. Linder and James Lee Bright.
• How about, fuck you? 
• Rhodes and his main henchmen were all found guilty of seditious conspiracy at trials in November and January for their plot to unleash political violence in an attempt to prevent the Biden presidency. They all face sentencing starting later this month.
• Fuck around, find out.
• Following up from a story I gave you the other day, ahead of the vote that would have expelled him from the the Texas state legislature, Rep. Bryan Slaton (R), 45, has resigned.
• The House investigation determined last week that he gave a teenage intern and another young staffer alcohol at his home, had sex with the intern after she was intoxicated, and later showed her a threatening email but said everything would be fine if the incident was kept quiet.
• Ask any woman if this is uncommon behavior from men in power. Fucking disgusting scumbag. 
• An Associated Press investigation notes that between 2017 and 2021, at least 120 state lawmakers in 41 states faced public allegations of sexual misconduct or harassment. They often run again for office and are re-elected, and efforts to remove them are rarer.
• Side note: Slaton’s legislative biography describes him as holding values and principles formed by church and family gatherings. It also cites his degrees from a Baptist seminary and work as a youth minister.
• Welp!
• Moving on…
• A man in Starks, LA has been arrested after shooting a 14-year-old girl in the back of her head. Several juveniles were playing hide and seek in the area and were hiding on the neighbor’s property.
• David V. Doyle, 58, said he saw shadows outside his home, went inside, and got his firearm. When he went back outside he saw people running away from his property and began shooting at them, hitting the girl.
• The girl is okay and recovering. Louisiana has a ‘stand your ground law’ that can justify the use of deadly force. It says you need to be acting in self defense, preventing a violent crime, or if someone is making an unlawful entry into a home, place of business, or vehicle.
• So he’ll probably get off. There are many states now where you can basically shoot anyone and just say you were scared.
• 124 people in the USA die from a firearm-related injury each day. Gun-related injuries are among the leading causes of death in people ages 1 to 44 in the U.S.
• A Texas House committee surprisingly advanced a bill that would raise the minimum age from 18 to 21 to buy certain semi-automatic rifles. House Bill 2744 still faces several hurdles before becoming state law. It was pushed by relatives of the victims of the Uvalde elementary school shooting. The gunman in that shooting was 18.
• Republican Reps. Justin Holland of Rockwall and Sam Harless of Spring unexpectedly joined Democrats in an 8-5 vote to advance the bill to the full House by yesterday’s deadline.
• This is a topic that’s not as simple as it seems. I’m supportive of any measure to reduce the number of guns out there, but it’s a difficult situation when a person is old enough to fight in a war and to vote but not to own a gun or buy an alcoholic drink.
• We live in a weird world, and sometimes there are no answers that are fair to everyone.
• I’ve got some more good news out of Texas.
• Fort Hood in Killeen, TX, named after a Confederate general and long plagued by a series of suicides, homicides and fatal accidents, will be renamed today after the Army’s first Hispanic four-star general.
• The base will be redesignated Fort Cavazos in honor of Gen. Richard Edward Cavazos, a veteran of the Korean and Vietnam wars who was born in Texas to Mexican-American parents. In 1982, he became the first Hispanic to wear four stars on his uniform.
• Cool. I like that. May John Bell Hood’s name vanish into forgotten history.
• A couple of RIPs to some terrific and very different musical greats.
• Opera diva Grace Bumbry has passed away at age 86. She was considered one of the leading mezzo-sopranos of her generation, as well as a major soprano earlier in her career.
• She was also one of the first Black women to be considered among the best-ever in the opera world. She was awarded in 2009 with the Kennedy Center Honors for her contribution to the performing arts.
• Much less well known but also amazing was Rob Laakso, the longtime multi-instrumental collaborator of singer-songwriter Kurt Vile. Rob died at age 44 after fighting an aggressive form of cancer.
• In addition to enjoying his great work with the Violators on Kurt’s albums such as ‘Wakin on a Pretty Daze’, I also got to see Rob live at the ‘Lotta Sea Lice’ show Kurt did with Courtney Barnett. He was an outstanding musician with a ton of feel.
• And now, The Weather: “Time Awaits” by Glitter Party
• The jury heard closing remarks in the civil rape and defamation case against Donald Trump yesterday.
• The nine-member jury are due to begin their deliberations this morning.
• In more interesting criminal news about the Bloated Orange, as of yesterday he is prohibited from posting evidence about his ongoing hush money case to social media.
• Judge Juan Merchan’s order states, “any materials and information provided by the People to the Defense in accordance with their discovery obligations ... shall be used solely for the purposes of preparing a defense in this matter.” Trump is ordered to “not copy, disseminate or disclose” the material to third parties, including social media platforms, “without prior approval from the court.”
• Ha ha.
• Um.
• I really wasn’t going to mention this story because (shudder), but a Nashville hotel employee has been charged with aggravated burglary and assault after entering a Texas man's room in the middle of the night while the guest was sleeping… and sucking on his toes.
• Yeah.
• According to the Nashville PD, David Neal made a key card to illegally enter Peter Brennan's room around 5am. Brennan has filed a lawsuit against Neal and the hotel. Neal remains jailed on $27,000 bond.
• Don’t suck on anyone’s toes without an enthusiastic level of consent beforehand, m’kay? Actually, don’t suck on anyone’s anything without that. Just a good rule in life.
• From the Sports Desk… the 8-seed Miami Heat now have a 3-1 game advantage over the New York Knicks in the NBA East Conference semifinals. And then yesterday evening, with another underdog victory, the 7-seed Los Angeles Lakers fought an intense back-and-forth battle with the current champion Golden State Warriors, winning 104-101 and putting LA up 3-1 in the best-of-seven series.
• In the NHL playoffs, the Florida Panthers took a 3-0 lead over the Toronto Maple Leafs, who are now on the brink of elimination. All the other playoff battles are currently at 2-1 (Canes over Devils, Kraken over Stars, Golden Knights over Oilers).
• From the Not-Sports Desk… a $30-million legal battle between Tiger Woods and his ex-girlfriend has Erica Herman accusing the golf superstar of beginning their sexual relationship when she was his employee and threatening to fire her if she didn't sign a nondisclosure agreement she now wants voided.
• But wait! It gets better. Or worse, actually.
• Herman also accused Woods of having his lawyer break up with her at an airport in October after falsely telling her they were going on a weekend trip. The lawyer then evicted her from Woods' $54 million mansion north of Palm Beach.
• Yikes. Take a human, add a lot of money, and get an instant asshole.
• Today in history… England and Portugal formally ratify their alliance with the signing of the Treaty of Windsor, making it the oldest diplomatic alliance in the world which is still in force (1386). The figure who later became Mr. Punch — as in Punch and Judy — makes his first recorded appearance in England (1662). Nathan Bedford Forrest surrenders his forces at Gainesville, AL (1865). The Food and Drug Administration announces it will approve birth control as an additional indication for Searle's Enovid, making Enovid the world's first approved oral contraceptive pill (1960). The United States House Committee on the Judiciary opens formal and public impeachment hearings against President Richard Nixon (1974). The COVID-19 recession causes the U.S. unemployment rate to hit 14.9 percent, its worst rate since the Great Depression (2020).
• May 9 is the birthday of abolitionist activist John Brown (1800), archaeologist Howard Carter (1874), prostitute Denham Fouts (1914), singer-songwriter Hank Snow (1914), journalist Mike Wallace (1918), guitarist Nokie Edwards (1935), actor Albert Finney (1936), director/producer James L. Brooks (1940), singer-songwriter Richie Furay (1944), singer-songwriter/pianist Billy Joel (1949), MLB player Tony Gwynn (1960), singer-songwriter Dave Gahan (1962), NHL player Steve Yzerman (1965), rapper Ghostface Killah (1970), actress Rosario Dawson (1979), singer-songwriter Andrew W.K. (1979), MLB player Prince Fielder (1984), and NFL player Trey Lance (2000).

That’s all I’ve got for now. It’s a big ol’ busy world, and there are always about a thousand layers of shit going on that no one knows about, so at least you are somewhat aware of the stuff close to the surface. Enjoy your day.