Random News: April 28, 2023

DISCLAIMER: Zak's Random News is very random and doesn't cover many things, and not everything may be accurate, because I'm just some guy. Go find a real news source.

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Good morning. It’s April 28, 2023, and if you can believe it, it’s a Friday once again! We shall once again walk together down the treacherous trail of information and discover what might be pertinent…

• Since it’s Friday, let’s open with some terrific news.
• Yesterday in Nebraska and South Carolina, which both have Republican-controlled legislatures, measures that would have severely restricted abortion failed.
• In Nebraska, a “Heartbeat Act” would have banned most abortions after six weeks except in cases of rape or incest or to preserve the life of the mother. The bill failed by a vote of 32-15, with two senators abstaining, leaving the measure one vote shy of the two-thirds majority needed for full consideration.
• In South Carolina, state Senate failed to pass the “Human Life Protection Act,” which would have banned abortions in the state, in a 22-21 vote with five women voting against it – including three Republicans.
• Why are these bills failing? Because they are political suicide. By a large margin and crossing political affiliations, the public does not prefer government control over women’s bodies. End of story.
• In other news…
• The myth that we’re so divided on topics like gun control is being disproven all the time.
• A Fox News poll this week says that 87% of Americans are in favor of background checks on gun purchases. 81% say the legal age to buy guns should be 21. 80% say there should be mental health checks for gun buyers. 77% approve of a 30-day waiting period.
• Yes, Fox News posted this poll of registered voters. We can do this.
• Former Vice President Mike Pence testified yesterday for over five hours to a federal grand jury investigating the aftermath of the 2020 election and the actions Donald Trump.
• This is for the investigation led by special prosecutor Jack Smith.
• It’s the first time in modern history a vice president has been compelled to testify about the president he served beside.
• A spokesman for Smith’s office and a spokesman for Pence both declined to comment.
• Moving on… for now…
• Yesterday, Senate Republicans blocked a measure that would have allowed the Equal Rights Amendment (ERA) to be added to the Constitution.
• The Equal Rights Amendment is a proposed amendment to the United States Constitution designed to guarantee equal legal rights for all American citizens regardless of sex. It seeks to end the legal distinctions between men and women in terms of divorce, property, employment, and other matters.
• Senators voted 51 to 47 to invoke cloture on a motion to proceed, falling short of the 60 votes it it needed. Sens. Lisa Murkowski (R-AK) and Susan Collins (R-ME) were the lone Republicans to vote with every Democrat.
• The ERA passed Congress in 1972, having been first proposed in 1923. Constitutional amendments, under U.S. law, must be ratified by three-quarters of all state legislatures, meaning 38 states.
• Here’s the weird part: in 2020, Virginia became the 38th state to ratify the ERA, but it did so after the 1982 deadline to ratify the amendment had passed.
• So the current Senate resolution would have removed the deadline so that the ERA could become the 28th Amendment. Sen. Ben Cardin (D-MD) and Murkowski were the resolution’s lead co-sponsors.
• Get your shit together and pass the fucking ERA, you pricks. Lord.
• I am giggling about the now-official adoption of the “Dark Brandon” persona to the Biden campaign. For example, when you hit the site’s “404” page, the message shows his sinister, glowing-eyed alter ego with the words, “You’re lost, Jack. Let’s get you back on the rails.”
• If you’re not familiar with “Dark Brandon”, I”m not going to explain it all now. Short version: MAGA people were screaming “FUCK JOE BIDEN” at a sporting event which a sports reporter mistook for “Let’s go Brandon,” referring to her interview subject.
• The MAGAs picked up on “Let’s go Brandon” as a way to swear without saying the word “fuck” because that’s what immature kids do. But then, surprisingly, the left reclaimed the name and used it in meme culture to build a mythos of a tough old man with laser eyes who does not accept your malarky. 
• So, the Biden campaign is now selling $32 t-shirts and “Dark Roast” coffee mugs emblazoned with the menacing Brandon persona.
• As I said, it’s difficult to describe. But it’s funny and I’m here for it.
• Let’s get more serious for a sec.
• Yesterday, Republican legislators in Kansas enacted what may be the most sweeping transgender bathroom law in the U.S., overriding the Democratic governor’s veto of the measure without having a clear idea of how their new law will be enforced.
• The new law will take effect July 1. Kansas joins at least eight other states who have enacted laws preventing transgender people from using the restrooms associated with their gender identities, but most of them apply to schools. The Kansas law applies also to locker rooms, prisons, domestic violence shelters and rape crisis centers.
• Let me tell you something right now. Transmasc men often look very, very manly. Thick beards, short hair, broad shoulders, deep voices. Kansas law now says those burly men will be LEGALLY REQUIRED to use the bathrooms with your wives and daughters, you fucking idiots.
• You. Fucking. Idiots.
• You.
• Fucking.
• Idiots.
• In related news, the son of Gov. Greg Gianforte (R-MT), met their father in his office to lobby him to reject several bills that would harm transgender people in the state.
• David Gianforte identifies as non-binary and uses he/they pronouns. They felt an obligation to use their relationship with their father to stand up for LGBTQ+ people in the state.
• ”I would like to make the argument that these bills are immoral, unjust, and frankly a violation of human rights.”
• Well said.
• On Tuesday, the Montana state legislature voted to ban Zooey Zephyr, a transgender Democratic lawmaker, from the statehouse floor for telling lawmakers they would have “blood on their hands” from passing these anti-trans laws.
• During questioning in the continuing civil trial of Donald Trump for rape and defamation, Trump’s attorney Joe Tacopina repeatedly grilled E. Jean Carroll about why she did not scream during the approximately 3-minute attack in a Bergdorf Goodman dressing room, and why she didn’t make a police report.
• “I’m not a screamer,” Carroll testified. “I was too much in panic to scream.”
• Facts: it is very common for women to not scream during sexual assault, purely out of shock and fear. Also, most victims of rape and sexual assault do not report their attacks to the police. According to RAINN, only 310 out of every 1,000 sexual assaults are reported.
• And now, The Weather: “Eastern Ave” by Flasher
• Carolyn Bryant Donham, the White woman whose false accusation of 14-year-old Emmett Till in 1955 caused his torture and lynching, died yesterday. She was 88 years old. 
• She’d accused the teen of grabbing her while she worked alone in her family store in Money, Mississippi.  
• All of Emmett Till’s killers were acquitted — they later admitted killing him but had no repercussions — and Bryant Donham never faced any punishment either.
• The only positivity to come from the horror of Emmett Till’s brutal murder was its profound impact and influence on civil rights. In Montgomery a few months after the murder, Rosa Parks attended a rally for Till, led by Martin Luther King Jr., and soon after famously refused to give up her seat on a segregated bus to a white passenger.
• So fuck you, Carolyn Bryant Donham. I hope hell is hot.
• Something more positive…
• Dillon Reeves, a seventh grader in Warren, MI, is being praised as a hero for preventing his school bus from crashing after his bus driver lost consciousness.
• The driver passed out due to a medical emergency and her bus started to veer into oncoming traffic. Reeves, who was seated about five rows back, “jumped up from his seat, threw his backpack down, ran to the front of the bus, grabbed the steering wheel and brought the bus to a stop in the middle of the road”.
• That kid took control of the steering wheel, brought the bus to a stop, and then instructed the other kids to call 9-1-1.
• Some more good news…
• Fort Lee, an Army base in Virginia named for a Confederate general in the Civil War, was renamed Fort Gregg-Adams yesterday in honor of two Black Army pioneers.
• Lt. Gen. Arthur Gregg ose to the rank of three-star general during his more than three decades in the military. He was the first Black lieutenant general in the Army.
• Lt. Col. Charity Adams served as the first Black officer in the Women’s Army Auxiliary Corp and led the 6888th Central Postal Directory Battalion as it served in the European Theater during World War II.
• Good. Fuck Robert E. Lee, that traitorous piece of shit.
• From the Sports Desk… last night was Round One of the NFL draft. You can find out who your team drafted in like a million places, so I won’t post all 32 picks here.
• My Las Vegas Raiders drafted a defensive end named Tyree Wilson from Texas Tech. He’s a 6-foot-6, 275-pound, quarterback destroying monster. Maybe he’ll be good. No one ever knows if draft picks will actually pan out.
• The second round of the draft resumes tonight.
• In other sports news: if you’re a sports journalist, try not to do what longtime ESPN baseball reporter Marly Rivera did recently. She was in a squabble with another reporter about an Aaron Judge interview and on camera, loudly called her a “fucking cunt”.
• The other reporter happens to be married to MLB’s vice president of communications.
• ESPN’s comment on Rivera: “She no longer works here.”
• I’ll bet.
• Today in history… Temür, grandson of Kublai, is elected Khagan of the Mongols (1294). Maryland becomes the seventh state to ratify the United States Constitution (1788). France invades the Austrian Netherlands — present day Belgium and Luxembourg — beginning the French Revolutionary Wars (1792). Chinese and Irish laborers for the Central Pacific Railroad working on the First transcontinental railroad lay ten miles of track in one day, a feat which has never been matched (1869). Wembley Stadium is opened, named initially as the Empire Stadium (1923). Benito Mussolini and his mistress Clara Petacci are shot dead by Walter Audisio, a member of the Italian resistance movement (1945). Igor Stravinsky conducted the premiere of his American ballet ‘Orpheus’ at the New York City Center (1948). Boxer Muhammad Ali refuses his induction into the United States Army and is subsequently stripped of his championship and license (1967). ‘The Dark Side of the Moon’ by Pink Floyd goes to number one on the US Billboard chart, beginning a record-breaking 741-week chart run (1973). High levels of radiation resulting from the Chernobyl disaster are detected at a nuclear power plant in Sweden, leading Soviet authorities to publicly announce the accident (1986). CBS News released evidence of the Abu Ghraib torture and prisoner abuse (2004).
• April 28 is the birthday of English king Edward IV (1442), US president James Monroe (1758), actor Lionel Barrymore (1878), astronomer Jan Oort (1900), businessman Oskar Schindler (1908), businessman Ferruccio Lamborghini (1916), singer Blossom Dearie (1924), novelist Harper Lee (1926), astronomer Eugene Merle Shoemaker (1928), Iraq president Saddam Hussein (1937), actress Ann-Margret (1941), author Terry Pratchett (1948), actor Bruno Kirby (1949), comedian/TV host Jay Leno (1950), singer-songwriter/keyboardist Chuck Leavell (1952), singer-songwriter/musician Kim Gordon (1953), golfer John Daly (1966), NHL player Nicklas Lidström (1970), actress Penélope Cruz (1974), actress Jessica Alba (1981), and NFL player Blake Bortles (1992).

I’m sure glad it’s Friday. It’s going to be busy work-wise, but that’s okay. I’ve cranked out some good shit this week and I’d like to wrap it up by getting all the things done that will allow me to not think about work over the weekend. Enjoy your day.