Random News: March 24, 2023

DISCLAIMER: Zak's Random News is very random and doesn't cover many things, and not everything may be accurate, because I'm just some guy. Go find a real news source.

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Good morning. It’s March 24, 2023, and if you can believe it, it’s a Friday once again! Let’s talk about whatever…

• You know how I start each Friday report with “… and if you can believe it, it’s a Friday once again!”? I took that from David Lynch, the great filmmaker. Up until January, David did a daily weather segment on YouTube, and he started each Friday’s report with that phrase.
• I used to watch it every day until one day, he just… stopped. I was sad. I’m still sad.
• The United States launched airstrikes in Syria in retaliation after a drone strike killed a U.S. contractor, injured five American service members and wounded one other contractor.
• The drone was of Iranian origin, per Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin.
• In response, the U.S. Central Command conducted "precision airstrikes" on targets it believed were connected with Iran's Revolutionary Guard Corps. Iran has launched an estimated 78 attacks on U.S. forces in Syria since January 2021.
• War. What is it good for? Absolutely nothing, say it again.
• Today, Evan Corcoran, the primary defense attorney for the former president, will testify to a federal grand jury in regard to the documents probe.
• Corcoran has been told by the federal court he cannot withhold information any longer about communications he had with Trump, his client, leading up to the FBI search of Mar-a-Lago last summer. He was also ordered earlier this week to turn over notes he had considered to be his written work as an attorney in the probe.
• Prosecutors have made clear in court proceedings that are still under seal that they believe Trump tried to use Corcoran to advance a crime.
• Keep an eye on that.
• Meet Riley Williams. She’s the bespectacled young woman from Pennsylvania who led insurrectionists up a set of stairs toward Nancy Pelosi's office and was present when rioters swiped the then-Speaker’s laptop on January 6, 2021.
• She was ultimately convicted on six counts: felony civil disorder, resisting and impeding certain officers, and four misdemeanor charges. 
• Yesterday she was sentenced to three years in federal prison. Side note: her public defender tried to get her sentenced reduced because she was so stupid, she posted during the failed coup attempt that she was “STORMING THE WHITE HOUSE”.
• Williams plans to raise sheep for their wool and cows for milk after serving her sentence. That’s nice.
• Moving on…
• The prospect of popular video sharing app TikTok being banned in America is becoming increasingly likely. Regulators and lawmakers from both sides of the political aisle have it in their crosshairs over its ties to China.
• I mean, I get it. But let’s be clear: apps like Facebook and Twitter are tied to funds from Russia and Saudi Arabia. And, most importantly, all of them build dossiers on every user to monetize their information for various purposes.
• TikTok is only being banned because of the ill will toward China. It is what it is.
• In “There’s An Entire State Full Of Idiots” news, a Tallahassee, FL school principal resigned, following accusations that middle school students were shown inappropriate adult content.
• They showed these kids pornography? That’s horrible! What was the porn?
• The students were shown images of the renowned sculpture, Michelangelo’s “David”.
• Yup. One of the most well known, respected, and beloved pieces of art that humanity has ever created. But because that sculpted marble has a penis, someone had to resign.
• I’m going to name and shame the horrible excuse for a human being who caused this… school board chair Barney Bishop. Way to fucking go, Barney. If I was in a certain mood, I’d send him every dick pic in the universe.
• Some good news…
• The Minnesota House of Representatives passed a bill today by a vote of 68-62 that would prevent state courts or officials from complying with child removal requests, extraditions, arrests or subpoenas related to gender-affirming health care that a person receives in that state. 
• Well done, Minnesota.
• Eight states – Alabama, Arkansas, Florida, Iowa, Mississippi, South Dakota, Tennessee and Utah – have issued all out bans on gender-affirming care for transgender youth, including medication and surgical services. Meanwhile, Arizona has outlawed surgical treatments and dozens of other states have bans under consideration.
• Fuck them all.
• Here’s a weird one.
• Utah just became the first state to enact laws limiting how children can use social media.
• Republican Gov. Spencer Cox signed a pair of measures yesterday that require parental consent before kids can sign up for sites like TikTok and Instagram. The laws also prohibit kids under 18 from using social media between the hours of 10:30 p.m. and 6:30 a.m., and require age verification for anyone who wants to use social media in the state.
• Not sure that’s going to work out well.
• Classes resume today for hundreds of thousands of Los Angeles Unified School District students after a planned three-day strike by union employees ended with no new agreement.
• LA Mayor Karen Bass is actively involved in the negotiations between the district and the Service Employees International Union, Local 99, which represents around 30,000 teachers’ aides, bus drivers, custodians, cafeteria workers and other support staff.
• And now, The Weather: “The Afterparty” by Portraits Of Tracy
• From the Sports Desk… according to a panel of ESPN analysts, here are the ten best players in Major League Baseball coming into the 2023 season: 1. SP/DH Shohei Otani, 2. CF Mike Trout, 3. OF Aaron Judge, 4. 3B Manny Machado, 5. 1B Freddir Freeman, 6. RF Juan Soto, 7. CF Julio Rodriguez, 8. SS Trea Turner, 9. RF Mookie Betts, and 10. 3B Nolan Arenado.
• Today in history… King Richard I of England is wounded by a crossbow bolt while fighting in France (1199). James VI of Scotland is proclaimed King James I of England and Ireland upon the death of Elizabeth I (1603). The Province of Carolina is granted by charter to eight Lords Proprietor in reward for their assistance in restoring Charles II of England to the throne (1663). Johann Sebastian Bach dedicated six concertos to Margrave Christian Ludwig of Brandenburg-Schwedt, now commonly called the Brandenburg Concertos (1721). Great Britain passes the Quartering Act, which requires the Thirteen Colonies to house British troops (1765). Japanese Chief Minister Ii Naosuke is assassinated by rōnin samurai outside the Sakurada Gate of Edo Castle (1860). Robert Koch announces the discovery of Mycobacterium tuberculosis, the bacterium responsible for tuberculosis (1882). Mayor of New York City Robert Anderson Van Wyck breaks ground for a new underground "Rapid Transit Railroad" that would link Manhattan and Brooklyn (1900). Direct rule is imposed on Northern Ireland by the Government of the United Kingdom under Edward Heath (1972). In Argentina, the armed forces overthrow the constitutional government of President Isabel Perón and start a 7-year dictatorial period (1976). In Prince William Sound in Alaska, the Exxon Valdez spills 240,000 barrels (38,000 m3) of crude oil after running aground (1989). Comet Shoemaker–Levy 9 is discovered by Carolyn and Eugene Shoemaker, and David Levy at the Palomar Observatory in California (1993). Students across the United States stage the March for Our Lives demanding gun control in response to the Stoneman Douglas High School shooting (2018).
• March 24 is the birthday of clock maker John Harrison (1693), politician Rufus King (1755), poet/composer Fanny Crosby (1820), activist Matilda Joslyn Gage (1826), SCOTUS justice Horace Gray (1828), businessman/philanthropist Andrew W. Mellon (1855), magician Harry Houdini (1874), actor Roscoe Arbuckle (1887), MLB player George Sisler (1893), animator Ub Iwerks (1901), criminal Clyde Barrow (1909), animator Joseph Barbera (1911), poet Lawrence Ferlinghetti (1919), actor Norman Fell (1924), actor Steve McQueen (1930), fashion designer Bob Mackie (1940), actor/drill instructor R. Lee Ermey (1944), harmonica player Lee Oskar (1948), singer-songwriter Nick Lowe (1949), fashion designer Tommy Hilfiger (1951), actor/comedian Louie Anderson (1953), businessman Steve Ballmer (1956), actress/model Kelly Le Brock (1960), actress Lara Flynn Boyle (1970), NFL player Mike Vanderjagt (1970), comedian/actor Tig Notaro (1971), actor Jim Parsons (1973), NFL player Peyton Manning (1976), actress Jessica Chastain (1977), and NBA player Chris Bosh (1984).

I think the coming weeks will be filled with interesting news tidbits, but I’ll stop today’s stuff for now. There’s always so much more, but this is all you get for now. Enjoy your day.