Random News: May 22, 2023

DISCLAIMER: Zak's Random News is very random and doesn't cover many things, and not everything may be accurate, because I'm just some guy. Go find a real news source.

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Good morning. It’s May 22, 2023, and it’s a Monday. I assume things have happened, so let’s check and see what they are…

• House Speaker Kevin McCarthy and President Biden are expected to meet this afternoon for a face to face meeting on addressing the debt limit.
• Fucking get it together. Jesus.
• The U.S. could run out of money to pay its bills as early as June 1. That puts a major crunch time on both chambers of Congress. McCarthy has said that the House would need 72 hours before it would vote on any bill, before it heads to the Senate.
• The U.S. has never defaulted on its debt before. In 2011, during a similar standoff over raising the debt ceiling, the threat of a default alone sent markets into a freefall. Ratings agencies downgraded the U.S. from its top AAA credit rating to AA+ just as a result of the debate.
• Economists agree that an actual default could result in a recession. A default would severely affect financial markets, increase mortgage rates and interest rates on credit cards, could cause government workers and Social Security recipients to go unpaid, and could make it difficult for businesses and citizens to borrow money.
• Stop fucking around, you pricks. This won’t be seen as Biden’s fault. It will be seen as a failure of the main responsibility of Kevin McCarthy and the GOP-controlled House.
• Moving on…
• The states along the Colorado River — a vital source of water and electricity for the American West — reached an agreement with the Biden administration toay to conserve an unprecedented amount of their water supply in exchange for about $1 billion in federal funding.
• The deal is a temporary solution intended to protect the country’s largest reservoirs — Lake Powell and Lake Mead — from dropping to critical levels over the next three years.
• The three states that comprise the Lower Basin — California, Arizona, and Nevada — have agreed to voluntarily conserve 3 million acre-feet of water over the next three years. The Biden administration has committed to compensating the states for three quarters of the water savings, which would amount to at least $1 to $1.2 billion in federal funds.
• Ok then.
• Meta, the company that owns Facebook, Instagram, and other data collection platforms, was hit with a record 1.2 billion euro ($1.3 billion) fine by European Union privacy regulators over its handling of user information, and was given five months to stop transferring users' data to the United States.
• The fine tops the previous record EU privacy fine of 746 million euros handed by Luxembourg to Amazon in 2021.
• Maybe try not being greedy pricks and you won’t have to pay giant fines?
• In other news…
• Ukrainian-American businessman Lev Parnas and his business partner were arrested in 2019, accused by the U.S. government of funneling a Russian oligarch’s money into American political campaigns. One recipient of Parnas’ donations -- Florida Governor Ron DeSantis -- has said he was barely an acquaintance.
• But DeSantis and Parnas worked more closely together than the Republican governor has disclosed, proven by 63 previously unreported text messages from DeSantis to Parnas between May and October 2018, as DeSantis campaigned for governor.
• These people all suck.
• Here’s a word of advice: don’t keep explosives in your house.
• Advice part 2: if you find some type of explosive device in your home, don’t do the exact thing that will cause it to explode.
• This awful story is out of Crown Point, IN. A family was going through their grandfather’s belongings when they encountered a hand grenade. Someone then pulled the pin.
• Bryan Niedert, 47, was identified as the deceased father. His children, a 14-year-old and an 18-year-old, were taken to the hospital after both reported shrapnel-related injuries.
• Jesus.
• Moving up to a Christian university in western New York, two staff members were fired for using gender identities in their email signatures.
• Shua Wilmot and Raegan Zelaya both acknowledge that their names are unusual, which is the reason they included “he/him” and “she/her” in their info.
• But the school, Houghton University, would have none of that woke pronoun nonsense and fired them both.
• More than 700 alumni signed a petition in protest.
• And now, The Weather: “Days Go By” by Jana Horn
• The Foo Fighters have brought in veteran session/touring drummer Josh Freese to replace the late Taylor Hawkins going into the 2023 touring season. This is a good call.
• Freese had long been a close friend of Grohl and Hawkins, but perhaps more importantly he is one of the most respected rock/pop drummers in the world, having been the beat master over the past few decades for Guns N’ Roses, A Perfect Circle, Puddle of Mudd, Nine Inch Nails, Weezer, Paramore, the Replacements, Sting, the Vandals, Danny Elfman, the Offspring, and others.
• From the Sports Desk… the 8-seed Miami Heat are trouncing the 2-seed Boston Celtics. They won game 3 of their Eastern Conference finals 128-102, and are now one win from being in the NBA Finals.
• They will almost certainly face the Denver Nuggets, who hold a similar 3-0 lead over the Lakers and will likely complete their sweep tonight in LA.
• In this week’s happy news which happens to be here in the sports section, Michel Block is a 46-year-old dude who gives golf lessons at a public course in Mission Viejo, CA. He says he barely ever practices. He’s not on the PGA Tour. He somehow made it into this year’s PGA championship, and then played so well he made the cut to play over the weekend with the best players in the world.
• Yesterday he was paired with Rory McIlroy and then on the par-3, 151-yard 15th hole, Block hit a slam-dunk hole in one. He ended up in 15th, one of the best finishes in history for a club pro at the PGA. It’s so rare that the other best scores for a club pro at the PGA were 11th place by Lonnie Nielsen in 1986 and Tommy Aycock in 1974.
• Today in history… The massacre at the festival of Tóxcatl takes place during the Fall of Tenochtitlan, resulting in turning the Aztecs against the Spanish (1520). The Lewis and Clark Expedition officially begins as the Corps of Discovery departs from St. Charles, MO (1804). A grand jury indicts former Vice President of the United States Aaron Burr on a charge of treason (1807). HMS Beagle departs on its first voyage (1826). The Associated Press is formed in New York City as a non-profit news cooperative (1846). Future U.S. President Abraham Lincoln is issued a patent for an invention to lift boats, making him the only U.S. president to ever hold a patent (1849). Congressman Preston Brooks of South Carolina severely beats Senator Charles Sumner of Massachusetts with a cane in the hall of the United States Senate for a speech Sumner had made regarding Southerners and slavery (1856). Oliver Winchester founded the Winchester Repeating Arms (1866). President Ulysses S. Grant signs the Amnesty Act into law, restoring full civil and political rights to all but about 500 Confederate sympathizers (1872). The Wright brothers are granted U.S. patent number 821,393 for their “Flying-Machine" (1906). Mexico enters the Second World War on the side of the Allies (1942). U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson launches his Great Society program (1964). Ceylon adopts a new constitution, becoming a republic and changing its name to Sri Lanka (1972). Bosnia and Herzegovina, Croatia and Slovenia join the United Nations (1992). A U.S. federal judge rules that U.S. Secret Service agents can be compelled to testify before a grand jury concerning the Lewinsky scandal involving President Bill Clinton (1998). The Republic of Ireland becomes the first nation in the world to legalize gay marriage in a public referendum (2015). 
• May 21 is the birthday of Mayan king Itzam K'an Ahk I (626), physicist William Sturgeon (1783), composer Richard Wagner (1813), painter Mary Cassatt (1844), actor Laurence Olivier (1907), pianist/composer Sun Ra (1914), TV producer Quinn Martin (1922), actress Susan Strasberg (1938), actor Paul Winfield (1939), journalist Bernard Shaw (1940), serial killer Ted Kaczynski (1942), MLB player Tommy John (1943), lyricist Bernie Taupin (1950), activist Barbara May Cameron (1954), singer-songwriter Morrissey (1959), politician Sharice Davids (1980), speed skater Apolo Ohno (1982), and NFL player Julian Edelman (1986).

Well, I have shitty things going on, but I’ll get past them. That’s what I do. Like is never a straight line without ups and downs. Try not to let the downs cancel out the ups, or something. Enjoy your day.