Random News: May 24, 2023

DISCLAIMER: Zak's Random News is very random and doesn't cover many things, and not everything may be accurate, because I'm just some guy. Go find a real news source.

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Good morning. It’s May 24, 2023, and it’s a Wednesday. There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than I’ll ever have time to tell you, but let’s talk about a few of them…

• It was one year ago today, on May 24, 2022, that a horrible human being slaughtered dozens of kids for no reason at all at Robb Elementary School in Uvalde, TX.
• It wasn’t until later that we learned about the botched police response and the cowardly inaction of law enforcement who ended up facing little or no consequences.
• All I’ll say is this: had the evil perpetrator had a weapon that didn’t allow for semi-automatic firing and didn’t provide such a large ammunition capacity, less of those kids would be dead today. They’d be living normal lives with their families like I hope your kids have with you.
• If he didn’t have a gun at all, many all of them would be alive and well, getting ready for summertime like the kids in your family and around your neighborhood are today.
• We have a huge mental health problem in this country and probably around the world. But here in the USA, we neither care for our unhealthy nor take action to subdue their access to weapons of death.
• So what happened in Uvalde will continue to happen, over and over, until we find some way to address these sicknesses that afflict the USA far, far more than anywhere else in the world.
• Moving on…
• The South Carolina Senate approved a bill yesterday that would ban most abortions after around six weeks of pregnancy -- before most people know they are pregnant – and sent it to the governor who has promised to sign it.
• Abortion is now banned or severely restricted in much of the South, including bans throughout pregnancy in Alabama, Arkansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Texas and West Virginia. In Georgia, it’s allowed only in the first six weeks.
• “At some point in time, the right of the state to see the unborn child born does take precedent over the woman’s right to her body.” SC State Sen. Tom Davis (R)
• I’ll repeat this: this Republican representative of the government says you, as a woman, do NOT have a right to have control over your own body.
• When you vote Republican, you are signing a contract that says you will be forced to give birth and become a simple mindless incubation chamber. Sorry, but that’s what they think, and that’s what you sign up for when you put them in power.
• In other news, the 19-year-old Missouri man accused of deliberately driving a rented box truck into a White House barrier told authorities that he admires Nazis and wanted to "seize power" and "kill the president," court documents released yesterday show.
• Sai Varshith Kandula, who had a Nazi swastika flag with him, stated his goal was to “get into the White House, seize power, and be put in charge of the nation”. When asked how he would seize power, he stated he would “Kill the President if that's what I have to do and would hurt anyone that would stand in my way."
• That kid is a psycho.
• Do you still participate in organized religion? I don’t have judgement on you whether you do or not.
• But more than 450 adult Catholic clergymen abused nearly 2,000 children in the state of Illinois over a period of almost 90 years, according to a report released yesterday from Illinois Attorney General Kwame Raoul.
• The investigation identified 275 allegedly abusive clerics and religious brothers in the Archdiocese of Chicago, 43 in the Diocese of Belleville, 69 in Joliet, 51 in Peoria, 24 in Rockford and 32 in Springfield.
• Anyway, no matter what church you go to, if I was you, I’d keep a close eye on your kids and never allow them to be alone with any member of a clergy, a youth pastor, a priest, a minister, and so on.
• Moving on…
• In news that will not matter in any way today or in the future, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis will announce he is running for president tonight… and he’s doing it with Elon Musk on Twitter.
• And I swear to you, I thought this next part was parody, but I think it’s actual reality… DeSantis’s campaign slogan is apparently “Make America Florida”.
• Can you imagine volunteering to be MORE like Florida?
• The only thing that interests me about this in any way is watching the die-hard Trump contingent of Twitter realize that Elon is betraying their lord and savior with his strong endorsement of DeSantis to beat Trump in the GOP primary.
• MAGA heads exploding. Speaking of which, psycho right-wingnut Laura Loomer is organizing a protest at the Miami Four Seasons where DeSantis’s launch event is being held. She’s telling people to bring their Trump signs.
• Getting my popcorn.
• And now, The Weather: “Ballroom” by waveform*
• There’s some weird shit going on between Texas AG Ken Paxton (R) and the state’s House speaker Dade Phelan (R).
• Paxton has called for the resignation of House Speaker Dade Phelan after he presided over the house “in an obviously intoxicated state.”
• However, it might be in retaliation for the Texas House lawmakers investigating Paxton’s legal settlement with whistleblowers. Paxton requested the legislature approve $3.3 million of state money so his office could pay a settlement to employees that were terminated after they raised ethical concerns about Paxton’s conduct.
• Jesus. WTF?
• And speaking of “what the fuck”, a lip balm used by US House Speaker Kevin McCarthy (R) was auctioned off as part of a 15-minute GOP fundraising auction held yesterday — and sold to Georgia Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene (R) for $100,000.
• She bought his used Chapstick. I’m serious. What’s the next item on this bidding block… Lauren Boebert’s panties?
• Aren’t these people supposed to be figuring out how the USA can pay its bills with the Republican debt ceiling fiasco still ongoing? These people are nuts.
• In other news, Trump has asked for a meeting with AG Merrick Garland as Jack Smith is wrapping up the investigation that will have Trump indicted for major felonies that could land him in custody for the remainder of his life.
• From the Sports Desk… the Boston Celtics managed to hang on and win a game in their Eastern Conference NBA playoff series against the Miami Heat, winning 116-99. They’re behind 3-1 in the series.
• In the NHL, the Florida Panthers have a 3-0 led over the Carolina Hurricanes in the East, and in the West, the Vegas Golden Knights have a 3-0 lead over the Dallas Stars. Both series have a game 4 tonight and tomorrow.
• Today in history… Peter Minuit buys Manhattan (1626). South American independence leader Simón Bolívar enters Mérida, leading the invasion of Venezuela, and is proclaimed El Libertador (1813). Samuel Morse sends the message "What hath God wrought” from a committee room in the United States Capitol to his assistant, Alfred Vail, in Baltimore, MD, to inaugurate a commercial telegraph line between Baltimore and Washington D.C. (1844). The Brooklyn Bridge in New York City is opened to traffic after 14 years of construction (1883). The first night game in Major League Baseball history is played in Cincinnati, Ohio, with the Cincinnati Reds beating the Philadelphia Phillies 2–1 at Crosley Field (1935). Igor Sikorsky performs the first successful single-rotor helicopter flight (1940). The first Eurovision Song Contest is held in Lugano, Switzerland (1956). United Press International is formed through a merger of the United Press and the International News Service (1958). Freedom Riders are arrested in Jackson, MS, for "disturbing the peace" after disembarking from their bus (1961). Israel conducts Operation Solomon, evacuating Ethiopian Jews to Israel (1991). Four men are convicted of bombing the World Trade Center in New York in 1993; each one is sentenced to 240 years in prison (1994). Under pressure over her handling of Brexit, British Prime Minister Theresa May announces her resignation as Leader of the Conservative Party (2019). A mass shooting occurs at Robb Elementary School in Uvalde, Texas, United States, resulting in the deaths of 21 people, including 19 children (2022).
• May 24 is the birthday of Roman general Germanicus (15 BC), physicist Daniel Gabriel Fahrenheit (1686), UK queen Victoria (1819), SCOTUS Justice Benjamin N. Cardozo (1870), candy maker H. B. Reese (1879), actress Lilli Palmer (1914), politician Jane Byrne (1933), actor Tommy Chong (1938), singer-songwriter Bob Dylan (1941), actor Gary Burghoff (1943), singer-songwriter Patti LaBelle (1944), actress Priscilla Presley (1945), drummer Albert Bouchard (1947), guitarist Waddy Wachtel (1947), singer-songwriter Rosanne Cash (1955), singer-songwriter Larry Blackmon (1956), actress Kristin Scott Thomas (1960), boxer Héctor Camacho (1962), NBA player Joe Dumars (1963), actor John C. Reilly (1965), MLB player Bartolo Colón (1973), and NBA player Tracy McGrady (1979).

Well, that’s it. That’s all I’ve got. Time for me to go delicately work out despite my back and foot issues. I refuse to give in to that shit and be a lump. I’m no lump. Enjoy your day.