Random News: July 8, 2023

DISCLAIMER: Zak's Random News is very random and doesn't cover many things, and not everything may be accurate, because I'm just some guy. Go find a real news source.

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Good morning. It’s July 8, 2023, and it’s a Saturday. I’m half-awake and in a robe; who better than me to deliver you crucial information that will affect your life? Let’s do it…

• In “You’re Fucking Kidding Me” News, Oklahoma’s far-right superintendent of schools has insisted that the Tulsa race massacre can be taught in public schools without amounting to “critical race theory”—so long as it’s taught without discussing race.
• Um.
• It’s literally a race massacre. How can… you teach it… without mentioning… race?
• Ryan Walters, the state’s former education secretary, has vocally railed against “CRT,” which he characterizes as any teaching remotely grappling with white supremacy. On Thursday, he fielded questions from parents and community members at a town hall, and attendees reportedly mocked him and his policies, as well as his choice to facilitate a town hall about banning books in a public library.
• This same asshole also called for schools to promote Christianity and “western heritage” in classrooms and hang up the Ten Commandments on classroom walls.
• Moving on…
• Elon Musk doesn’t pay his bills.
• I’m finding that very common for wealthy people. That’s why they’re rich. They hire out for services and then just don’t pay for them. I’d be pretty rich too if I did that.
• Elon’s attorneys filed suit this week against the law firm that represented Twitter when Musk was trying to take the company private last year, claiming the firm charged too much for its work.
• The lawsuit says Wachtell, Lipton, Rosen, and Katz, which was Twitter’s firm prior to Musk’s acquisition, racked up a $90 million “last minute” legal bill.
• The only reason Wachtell is involved is that Musk reneged on his initial offer to take Twitter private for $44 billion.
• Other entities have alleged that Musk is not paying Google for their server space used to run Twitter, nor paying his rent at Twitter’s HQ in San Francisco.
• In other news…
• The white supremacist piece of shit who fatally shot 23 people in a racist attack at an El Paso Walmart will remain behind bars for the rest of his life after being handed 90 consecutive life sentences.
• He could still face more punishment, including the death penalty.
• Patrick Crusius, 24, was sentenced yesterday morning. He pleaded guilty earlier this year in connection with the August 3, 2019 mass shooting.
• Moving on with some outstanding news…
• AZ governor Katie Hobbs has made contraceptive medications available over the counter to all adults in her state. That is incredible, and should be the case in every state in the country.
• In “You Really Think We’re Stupid” News, Rep. Morgan Griffith *R-VA) has introduced legislation that would allow only American citizens to vote in federal elections.
• That’s… weird, because federal law already prohibits noncitizen from voting. It’s like introducing a bill that says people are not allowed to turn invisible and dance on top of daisies, then claiming victory when no one is doing that.
• And now, The Weather: “Slasher Flick” by FLOOR CRY
• Some of you may be wondering, “Hey Zak, how the fuck do we know that our planet is the hottest it’s been in 125,000 years if we only have accurate climate data going back to 1850?”
• Valid question.
• It turns out that the climate leaves a footprint on many things. Analysis of evidence like fossilized organic matter and ancient ice cores tell a story that scientists can unravel.
• The closer to the present, the more accurate that analysis is. “I’m pretty damn certain it’s the warmest day in the last 2,023 years,” said Peter Thorne, a professor at Maynooth University in Ireland and a climate expert.
• That same assessment states with “medium confidence” that temperatures from 2011-2020 exceed those of any multi-century period of warmth over the past 125,000 years.
• And all of that points to mankind’s impact on climate, which is changing more rapidly than even the worst estimates had predicted.
• Moving on…
• Some guy burst into a nail salon in Atlanta this week, pulled out a gun, and screamed for everyone to get on the floor and give him all their money and possessions.
• They all ignored him. He eventually went away, perplexed.
• Don’t spend any time at the beach in Massachusetts this weekend.
• The Massachusetts Department of Public Health warns swimmers to stay out of water at 50 local beaches after water quality tested at dangerously high levels of human waste.
• That’s… shitty.
• I want to follow up some more on Threads, the new and suddenly extremely popular “Twitter killer” social media app.
• I’m using it more and find my desire to go back and check Twitter diminishing with each passing day.
• My one comedy note is that the Christofascists and Trump/Elon lovers are now saying that the Threads app icon is meant to signify three sixes, as in the mark of the beast.
• I wish that was true, but it’s sadly not.
• From the Sports Desk… the long-awaited debut of #1 NBA draft pick Victor Wembanyama didn’t go so hot. In a summer league game, Wembanyama shot just 2-for-13 from the field, scoring nine points in 27 minutes while also contributing eight rebounds and five blocks in San Antonio's 76-68 win.
• He’ll probably get better. Welcome to the big leagues, kid. Try not to fight Britney Spears again before big games.
• Today in history… Vasco da Gama sets sail on the first direct European voyage to India (1497). Charles II of England grants John Clarke a Royal charter to Rhode Island (1663). The Olive Branch Petition is signed by the Continental Congress of the Thirteen Colonies of North America (1775). John Nixon delivers the first public reading of the Declaration of Independence of the United States (1776). St. John's, Newfoundland is devastated in the Great Fire of 1892 (1892). The Dow Jones Industrial Average reaches its lowest level of the Great Depression, closing at 41.22 (1932). Reports are broadcast that a UFO crash-landed in Roswell, NM in what became known as the Roswell UFO incident (1947). Francis Gary Powers is charged with espionage resulting from his flight over the Soviet Union (1960). Kim Jong Il begins to assume supreme leadership of North Korea upon the death of his father, Kim Il Sung (1994). Space Shuttle Atlantis is launched in the final mission of the U.S. Space Shuttle program (2011).
• July 8 is the birthday of surgeon Dominique Jean Larrey (1766), chemist/pharmacist John Pemberton (1831), chemist/businessman Eli Lilly (1838), soldier/businessman Ferdinand von Zeppelin (1838), businessman/philanthropist John D. Rockefeller (1839),fashion designer Hugo Boss (1885), politician George W. Romney (1907), businessman/US vice-president Nelson Rockefeller (1908), singer Jerry Vale (1930), actor Marty Feldman (1934), drummer Jaimoe (1944), actor Jeffrey Tambor (1944), activist Ruby Sales (1948), chef Wolfgang Puck (1949), author Marianne Williamson (1952), actor Kevin Bacon (1958), singer-songwriter Toby Keith (1961), singer-songwriter Joan Osborne (1962), actor Billy Crudup (1968), and singer-songwriter/musician Beck (1970).

Alrighty, that’s all for now. I’m going to shower and dress and eat and… I really don’t need to tell you everything I do, nor do you want to know about all the details. Enjoy your day.