Random News: September 20, 2024

DISCLAIMER: Zak's Random News is very random and doesn't cover many things, and not everything may be accurate, because I'm just some guy. Go find a real news source.

---

Good morning. It’s September 20, 2024, and if you can believe it, it’s a Friday once again! Once again, the news cycle is in fifth gear and there’s no possible way I can tell you all the important things in the hour that I have to do it. I’ll give it a shot though.

• Regardless, I am feeling positive. Let’s start with some positive news today.
• The S&P 500 notched a new high yesterday after a big-ass cut to interest rates from the Federal Reserve invigorated a global market rally.

• The Fed’s announcement on Wednesday — that it would lower rates by a half a percentage point — erased uncertainty financial markets for months.
• With a 1.7 percent gain yesterday, the S&P 500 crossed above its last closing record, reached in mid-July. The Russell 2000 index of smaller companies more sensitive to the ebb and flow of the economy rose 2 percent.
• The Dow Jones Industrial Average rose by +522.09, closing at 42,025.19. It’s the first time in history the Dow has closed above 42,000.
• Joe Biden’s — and Kamala Harris’s — economy is kicking ass. Hopefully your 401(k) or IRA will show you a big benefit on your next statement.
• Speaking of Kamala…
• Last night was a big one for the Harris campaign as she joined Oprah Winfrey for an event that used a similar format to Winfrey’s former long-running talk show.
• Held in Farmington Hills, MI, the event featured a mix of celebrities, campaign organizers and a crowd of battleground state voters. It was watched live by hundreds of thousands of viewers.
• The primary theme was the fallout that’s happened after Dump’s Supreme Court threw out the protections of Roe v. Wade.
• The mother and sisters of Amber Thurman — a Georgia woman who died in 2022 after medical care was delayed due to the state's abortion ban — spoke publicly for the first time. It was heart-wrenching.
• One point of the event that grabbed headlines was Harris repeating something she’d mentioned in last week’s debate: she’s a gun owner.
• Harris made it clear that "if somebody breaks into my house, they're getting shot.” She then quipped, "Sorry, probably should not have said that. My staff will deal with that later." 
• I know some people who are surprised that both Harris and Gov. Walz are gun owners.
• Let me tell you a thing I know: I’ve been acquainted with several District Attorneys, ADA, and even judges. And every single one of them owned a gun and had a concealed carry license.
• If your literal job is to put criminals in jail, you are constantly the target of potential retribution. I would have been shocked if Kamala wasn’t a gun owner.
• Do you know who can’t own a gun? That would be Donald Trump. See, a felon in possession of a gun is a felony charge unto itself. Dump has been convicted of 34 felony counts.
• Ironically, being a felon in possession of a firearm is exactly what his would-be golf course assassin Ryan Routh is being charged with.
• Back on topic: a wide range of celebrities appeared on the Oprah event by video, including Ben Stiller, Chris Rock, Jennifer Lopez, Julie Roberts, Tracee Ellis Ross, Bryan Cranston, and Meryl Streep. 
• Streep inadvertently opened her portion by stating: “Oh hello President Harris…”
• Harris, always quick on her feet, held up a finger and responded, “Forty-seven days,” while laughing.
• Winfrey, a longtime political independent, closed the show by addressing anyone who had yet to make up their mind about the upcoming election.
• “For all of you watching who are still on the fence, in the middle, independent as I am. This is the moment for all decent and caring people. This is the moment for people who are tired of all of the bickering, people who are exhausted by the craziness. This is the moment you wanna get on with your life because you know that we can do better. As my friend and mentor Maya Angelou always said, ‘When you know better, you got to do better.’ So let's do better and vote for Kamala Harris.”
• Agreed.
• So let’s move on from that positivity, and into the vile oozing sludge of the other side of the political spectrum.
• Starting with the North Carolina governor’s race. Heh heh heh. Oh boy.
• Because I am really looking forward to talking about that (rubs hands together with schadenfreude glee).
• That election is pitting Democrat NC Attorney General Josh Stein against Republican NC Lt. Gov, Mark Robinson.
• We’ve mentioned Mark a bunch of times here. He’s said, among many other things, “I absolutely want to go back to the America where women couldn’t vote.” Robinson also doesn’t believe that men are at fault in sexual assaults and domestic violence. 
• And as such, he’s garnered the love and affection of a certain Donnie Dump. Donnie said not long ago, “I told that to Mark. I said, 'I think you’re better than Martin Luther King. I think you are Martin Luther King times two.'”
• Wow! Anything else to say about Mark Robinson, Donnie?
• “We have to cherish Mark Robinson. You have to cherish him. He’s like a fine wine. He's an outstanding person. I've gotten to know him so well.”
• Cherish him! Hmm, must be a great guy! Oh, wait…
• Breaking CNN headline yesterday afternoon: “‘I’m a black NAZI!’: NC GOP nominee for governor made dozens of disturbing comments on porn forum”
• Oh.
• Here are a few of Robinson’s greatest hits…
• “I like watching tranny on girl porn! That’s fucking hot! It takes the man out while leaving the man in! And yeah I’m a ‘perv’ too!”
• “I came to a spot that was a dead end but had two big vent covers over it! It just so happened it overlooked the showers! I sat there for about an hour and watched as several girls came in and showered.”
• Since Donald Trump said that Robinson was “Martin Luther King times two,” let’s see how Robinson feels about Dr. King…
• “Get that fucking commie bastard off the National Mall!,” Robinson wrote about the dedication of the memorial to King in Washington, DC, by then-President Barack Obama.
• When someone accused him of being a white supremacist as a result, Robinson replied, “I’m not in the KKK. They don’t let blacks join. If I was in the KKK I would have called him Martin Lucifer Koon!”
• Anything else, Mark?
• “I’m a black NAZI!”
• Oh, okay. Done yet?
• “Slavery is not bad. Some people need to be slaves. I wish they would bring it back. I would certainly buy a few.”
• Ladies and gentlemen, your Republican party! (applause)
• By the way: most of his comments were FAR, far worse. Those were the just ones that CNN could reprint.
• Meanwhile, an email address belonging to Robinson was registered on Ashley Madison, a website designed for married people seeking affairs.
• Here’s the funny thing: Robinson could have dropped out of the race in time to be replaced by an electable candidate. In fact, yesterday was the last day to do so. Everyone in the GOP — including Dump — was screaming at him to get out while he could. But he’s going to stay.
• And that will mean that Republicans in the state will need to consciously choose to vote for the pro-slavery Black Nazi trans porn lover, or not. And that other, more sane folks will be driven to the polls to make sure that Josh Stein becomes the next governor of that great state instead of Robinson.
• And while they’re there, they can also vote for down-ballot races in the state, and then vote for Kamala Harris and award North Carolina’s 16 electoral votes to her.
• What was Dumpy up to yesterday? Glad you asked.
• He was blaming Jews ahead of time for his upcoming loss of the election.
• “I’m not going to call this a prediction, but in my opinion, the Jewish people would have a lot to do with a loss if I’m at 40%,” said the Dumpster during a campaign event titled “Fighting Antisemitism in America,” referencing a poll that doesn’t appear to exist.
• It’s important to emphasize that Dump not only thought it’d be a good idea to tell a Jewish audience that he’ll blame Jews for his election defeat, but that he did so twice in the span of half a day.
• Side note: American Jews favor Harris over Trump 65 percent to 34 percent, according to a Pew Research Center survey conducted August 26 to September 2. that number has probably risen in Harris’s favor since then, like most polls.
• Moving on to some lurid shit.
• One of America’s most acclaimed political writers, Olivia Nuzzi of New York Magazine, has been placed on leave while a third-party review is conducted after Nuzzi disclosed that she “had engaged in a personal relationship with a former subject relevant to the 2024 campaign while she was reporting on the campaign.”
• Who was it with? That would be Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., a married man who ran for president as an independent candidate and recently endorsed Dump. It is claimed that the relationship was emotional and digital in nature, not physical.
• If you think about it, RFK Jr. is an anti-vaxxer who killed a bear and dumped it in a park, ate a dog, had a worm eat his brain, and sawed off a whale's head. An affair with a human might be the most normal thing he has done in many years.
• Nuzzi penned a profile of Kennedy last November and has written numerous other features about Trump and the 2024 campaign since then. Kennedy is married to actress Cheryl Hines.
• Jesus Christ. Are we done with people behaving badly today?
• No. No, we’re not.
• Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL) attended a drug-fueled sex party in 2017 with the 17-year-old girl at the center of the alleged sex trafficking scandal, according to legal documents filed to a Florida federal court shortly before midnight last night.
• The minor, who was a junior in high school at the time, arrived in her mother’s car for a July 15, 2017, party at the Florida home of Chris Dorworth, a lobbyist and friend of Gaetz’s.
• One eyewitness cited in the court filings, a young woman referred to as K.M., provided a sworn affidavit that claimed the teenage girl was naked, partygoers were there to “engage in sexual activities,” and “alcohol, cocaine, ecstasy … and marijuana” were present.
• Sigh. Again, Gaetz was 35 at the time. She was a junior in high school.
• Moving on, I guess.
• Another little note about the difficulties of being Elmo Muck, the world’s richest man.
• As we mentioned this week, in the second quarter, his little social media platform formerly known as Twitter only made $114 million in revenue in the US — a 53 percent drop from the same quarter last year, and an astounding 84 percent decline in revenue from the second quarter of 2022 before he bought the company.
• The situation is so dire that even longtime Tesla investors predict that Muck might have to sell some of his own shares in the automaker to prop up his failing website.
• Making matters worse — beyond Muck telling his advertisers to fuck off (his words) — is that the number of active daily users is down by around 23 percent.
• So sad, too bad. Any other news about Elmo?
• Why yes. Yes, there is.
• The U.S. Secret Service has launched a probe into a since-deleted post from Elmo over the lack of assassination attempts against President Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris.
• "The Secret Service is aware of the social media post made by Elon Musk and as a matter of practice, we do not comment on matters involving protective intelligence," Secret Service spokesperson Melissa McKenzie said in a statement.
• Musk wrote and then deleted a post shared Sunday questioning why Dumpy faced two recent apparent assassination attempts while Biden and Harris have not.
• He initially resisted calls to delete or reword the post, before ultimately taking it down on Monday. He later said the post was a joke. Turns out the joke’s on you, Elmo.
• Let’s move on.
• From the “Holy Fucking Shit!” Desk… District Judge Kevin Mullins of Kentucky is dead today after being shot in his chambers by Letcher County Sheriff Shawn M. Stines. Mullins, 54, was hit multiple times in the shooting.
• Stines, 43, surrendered without incident and has been arrested and charged with one count of first-degree murder.
• Okay, I’m all out of room to talk about insane shit.
• Moving on.
• I know that I’ve begged you people to please stop leaving the trail when you visit Yellowstone National Park. Or if I haven’t, I should have.
• But this week, a 60-year-old woman suffered second-degree and third-degree burns to her lower leg while walking off-trail in a thermal area.
• The woman, who was visiting from New Hampshire, was walking with her husband and leashed dog near Mallard Lake Trailhead at the Old Faithful Geyser on Monday when she broke through a thin crust over scalding water.
• Thankfully, her dog was not injured. Neither was her husband, but more importantly, the dog is okay. But she had to be airlifted to the Eastern Idaho Regional Medical Center for further treatment. Her condition was not immediately known.
• A little reminder: going off the designated trails and boardwalks in the park is prohibited. Also, no pets are allowed on boardwalks, hiking trails, in the backcountry, or in thermal areas.
• So this was a huge and preventable fuckup.
• Ask me about the time that my good friend and bandmate Bunny left the trail in Joshua Tree and encountered a very large and very angry rattlesnake.
• After ascertaining that he didn’t get struck (he didn’t), he encountered me screaming, “I TOLD YOU NOT TO LEAVE THE TRAIL!”
• And now, The Weather: “Cowgirl” by cutouts & Tomberlin
• From the Sports Desk… first, congrats to Shohei Ohtani of the Los Angeles Dodgers, the first-ever player in Major League Baseball to hit 50 home runs and steal 50 bases in a season.
• As I noted yesterday, I have no reservations whatsoever at calling Ohtani the best baseball player I’ve witnessed in my lifetime.
• In the NFL, the New York Jets destroyed the hapless New England Patriots 24-3 last night. Are the Jets great or do the Pats suck? Only time will tell.
• Today in history… Saladin begins the Siege of Jerusalem (1187). Cardinal Robert of Geneva is elected as Pope Clement VII, beginning the Papal schism (1378). The Nankai tsunami washes away the building housing the Great Buddha at Kōtoku-in, and it’s been outside ever since (1498). Ferdinand Magellan sets sail from Sanlúcar de Barrameda which ultimately culminated in the first circumnavigation the globe (1519). The future King Edward VII of the United Kingdom begins the first visit to North America by a Prince of Wales (1860). U.S. President Chester A. Arthur is sworn in upon the death of James A. Garfield the previous day (1881). British police known as "Black and Tans" burned the town of Balbriggan and killed two local men in revenge for an Irish Republican Army (IRA) assassination (1920). The first Cannes Film Festival is held, having been delayed seven years due to World War II (1946). James Meredith, an African American, is temporarily barred from entering the University of Mississippi (1962). Billie Jean King beats Bobby Riggs in the Battle of the Sexes tennis match at the Houston Astrodome (1973). Singer Jim Croce, songwriter and musician Maury Muehleisen and four others die when their light aircraft crashes on takeoff at Natchitoches Regional Airport in Louisiana (1973). American football players in the National Football League begin a 57-day strike (1982). In an address to a joint session of Congress and the American people, U.S. President George W. Bush declares a "War on Terror” (2001). The United States military ends its "Don't ask, don't tell" policy, allowing gay men and women to serve openly for the first time (2011). Hurricane Maria makes landfall in Puerto Rico as a powerful Category 4 hurricane, resulting in 2,975 deaths, $90 billion in damage, and a major humanitarian crisis (2017). Roughly four million people, mostly students, demonstrate across the world to address climate change, and 16-year-old Greta Thunberg from Sweden leads the demonstration in New York City (2019).
• September 20 is the birthday of inventor Frederick Ellsworth Sickels (1819), publisher Herbert Putnam (1861), novelist Upton Sinclair (1878), actor Kenneth More (1914), animator Jay Ward (1920), actress Anne Meara (1929), actress Sophia Loren (1934), guitarist Eric Gale (1938), businessman/politician Pete Coors (1946), novelist George R. R. Martin (1948), bass player Chuck Panozzo (1948), drummer John Panozzo (1948), NHL player Guy Lafleur (1951), singer-songwriter Alannah Currie (1957), singer-songwriter/guitarist Nuno Bettencourt (1966), singer-songwriters/musicians Gunnar and Matthew Nelson (1967),  songwriter/bassist Ben Shepherd (1969), NFL player Dante Hall (1978), and NFL player Trevon Diggs (1998).

In other news (as if you need other news), I’m going to get a COVID booster this afternoon. Hopefully that won’t fuck up my weekend too badly, but it’s necessary and I’ll put up with some momentary discomfort to avoid some large-scale horribleness. Enjoy your day.