Random News: July 26, 2025

DISCLAIMER: Zak's Random News is very random and doesn't cover many things, and not everything may be accurate, because I'm just some guy. Go find a real news source.

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Good morning. It’s July 26, 2025, and it’s a Saturday. I'm in Saturday mode. What does that entail? Well, I’m in a blue bathrobe, and I have a cup of Peet’s Cafe Domingo next to me. I’m also not hurrying through the process of news gathering as I am forced to do on a weekday. If it interests you — not that it should — my weekday schedule means that I have to be downstairs and starting my workout by 8am. But Saturday and Sunday? I do try and get this news posted by 10am, because when I don’t, other news starts preempting the shit that I’m writing, and it starts feeling irrelevant. Now you know.

• Dumples the Pedo Clown has fled the country.
• Running away to Scotland for multiple days of golf at high expense to the American taxpayer, Dumpy was mostly hoping to escape the constant barrage of scrutiny over his presence on the infamous “Epstein list” of people who’d been close associates of the disgraced financier and sex trafficker.
• I enjoy pointing out the astounding hypocrisy of the MAGA base in this regard.
• One MAGA social personality, a guy named Joey Mannarino, wrote on February 26 on this year, “The Epstein Files come tomorrow. Any living people on that list should
• immediately be jailed.”
• But on July 23, as it became more and more clear that Dumpy was one of the people in reference, Mannarino posted, “Being in the Epstein Files does not mean you're a pedophile.”
• Hahahahahaha. How did the GOP so quickly change to become the “protect the pedophiles!” party?
• Anyway, I suppose Dumpy was looking forward to a nice, peaceful trip, far away from the country where his approval rating is in the toilet and protests against him and near constant.
• But Scotland does not fuck around.
• He was greeted in Edinburgh by thousands of protestors who chanted and berated Dump with signs that read things including, "Stop Trump,” “8647," "Pipe down Donald,” "Free Gaza,” and my favorite, "South Park Was Right.”
• One more quick note on the Dump/Epstein scandal.
• As we suspected would be the case, Epstein’s partner Ghislaine Maxwell — who is currently serving a 20-year prison sentence for her role in sex trafficking children — was granted immunity before speaking with Dump’s lawyer Todd Blanche over the past two days.
• To be clear, this kind of proffer immunity is commonly granted to individuals prosecutors are seeking to have cooperate in a criminal case.
• What about a full pardon for this convicted sex trafficker of children? Dumpy was queried about it yesterday. His response?
• “It’s something I haven’t thought about it. I’m allowed to do it, but it’s something I have not thought about,” said Dumpy.
• Translation: he’s 100% definitely planning to let her free from prison with no accountability for her crimes as long as she says the right things and doesn’t implicate him.
• Again, it’s funny to me how the MAGA world wanted these child sex traffickers locked away forever… unless they can do or say something to help their cult leader.
• And then they just give them anything they want.
• Let’s move on.
• Yesterday, U.S. District Judge Lindsay C. Jenkins dismissed in its entirety Dump’s lawsuit against Illinois, Cook County, and the city of Chicago over “sanctuary city” policies that make it more difficult for Dump to enact his cruel immigration actions.
• Jenkins said the Dump administration lacks standing to invalidate the state, city, and county laws that limit cooperation with federal immigration enforcement, adding in her ruling that “contrary to the United States’s arguments, the Sanctuary Policies here do not comparably regulate ICE operations or meddle with the contractual rights of private individuals working with ICE.”
• Dumpy’s pointless suit had named Illinois Gov. JB Pritzker, Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson, the Cook County Board of Commissioners, Chicago Police Superintendent Larry Snelling ,and Cook County Sheriff Thomas Dart.
• And an extra bonus here: the judge also ruled that compelling Chicago and Illinois law enforcement authorities to assist federal agents with deportation efforts is unconstitutional.
• “It would allow the federal government to commandeer States under the guise of intergovernmental immunity — the exact type of direct regulation of states barred by the Tenth Amendment,” Jenkins added.
• Again, it’s hilarious to me that the party who screams about “States’ Rights!” gets super upset when states assert their rights.
• Pritzker wrote, “Illinois just beat the Trump Administration in federal court. Their case challenging the bipartisan TRUST Act was dismissed — unlike the President, we follow the law and listen to the courts.”
• Goddamn right.
• Moving on.
• What in the name of fuck is going on with passenger air travel in the USA?
• Yesterday, a Southwest Airlines jet took off from Hollywood Burbank airport near Los Angeles, and almost immediately had to make extreme evasive maneuvers to avoid a mid-air collision with a military jet.
• The privately owned Hawker Hunter fighter jet crossed less than two miles in front of it within a few hundred feet of its altitude.
• Passengers were terrified, with the plane feeling like it was in free fall. Two Southwest flight attendants are being treated for injuries, but no passengers were seriously hurt.
• The fighter jet was flying from El Paso, TX to Ventura County Airport in Oxnard, CA. And the FAA is investigating, of course, but I don’t trust any federal agency under Dump.
• In other news…
• The U.S. Education Department is releasing more than $5 billion in education grant funding to states.
• About a month ago, the Dump administration told states it was withholding these previously approved federal grants for further review. That announcement came a day before the July 1 deadline when those funds have traditionally been disbursed. The decision left many school districts scrambling in the lead up to the school year.
• It took lawmakers from both Democratic and Republican parties to release the funds, citing financial strain on states and local communities. Several states have also sued Dump in an effort to get the funds released.
• Of course, this relief is temporary. Dump’s budget for 2026 budget eliminates all the grants that had been frozen.
• While we’re on the topic of budget cuts via the Big Bullshit Bill that Republicans passed nearly unanimously, there’s one that maybe hasn’t crossed your radar yet, but will impact millions and millions of Americans.
• The upcoming Medicaid cuts will be a disaster for hospital emergency rooms across the country. Defunding ERs — which is part of the Big Bullshit Bill — is going to bring financial and human ruin across the land.
• As things stand today, if you have a heart attack in the United States, you might assume that an ambulance will bring you to an ER and its staff will take care of you.
• That was already becoming a problem over the past couple of decades due to hospital closures and physician shortages. If you’d visited an ER in recent years and had to suffer in the waiting area for hours before being seen, you already understand this.
• And now Dump’s Big Bullshit Bill kicks in. It cuts Medicaid spending by an estimated $1 trillion over 10 years, and puts the entire emergency-medicine safety net at risk.
• And guess what? That means it doesn’t matter if you’re a poor person on Medicaid or a wealthy person with private insurance.
• With hospitals closing and less money to hire doctors, you simply won’t have access to ER services, and you will die before even being seen by a doc. That’s true whether you’re rich or poor.
• And that’s what you get for supporting Republicans who voted to take away your tax money and give it to billionaires for their precious tax cuts. Happy now?
• Let’s move on.
• Another note from the Immigration Desk…
• The father of three Marines who was forcibly detained by ICE gestapo while at his landscaping job in California last month spoke out for the first time yesterday in emotional, tearful remarks.
• Narciso Barranco was arrested in Santa Ana, CA on June 21. Video of him being forcibly detained showed masked agents holding him down on the street and repeatedly punching him.
• He is currently out on bond after being released from federal custody on July 15, and has an immigration status hearing in August.
• One of Barranco's sons, Marine veteran Alejandro Barranco, related what happened.
• ”As he worked, he noticed masked men approaching him, and was quickly surrounded by men who did not identify themselves and never presented any type of warrant. Terrified, he ran. They chased him through the parking lot and into a crowded street. They pointed guns at him, pepper-sprayed him. They tackled him to the ground and kicked him."
• Barranco has two other sons who are currently serving as Marines. He has no criminal record. His son added, "He supported his family and paid taxes. He is a human being, but he was not treated with the basic dignity he deserved."
• I 100% agree.
• Let’s move on with a note from the Schadenfreude Desk…
• Yesterday, disgraced former congressman George Santos (R-NY) surrendered himself to a federal prison to start serving his more than seven-year sentence for fraud. 
• Ha ha.
• Santos reported yesterday afternoon as scheduled to the Federal Bureau of Prisons at the Federal Correctional Institution in Fairton, NJ. 
• The Republican ex-congressman from Long Island was sentenced in April to 87 months in prison, and was also ordered to pay $373,949.97 in fines and restitution.
• Santos told his followers he planned to request solitary confinement in prison prior to his sentencing. That seems like a terrible idea that he’d regret, if they granted it (which I doubt they would).
• Need a reminder of why Santos is incarcerated?
• Let’s see… he forged a college diploma, he presented false financial disclosures to Congress claiming he was a multi-millionaire, he faked donations in the names of relatives, he created a fake nonprofit to solicit donations, and ran a credit card fraud scheme to steal from elderly and cognitively impaired donors. 
• Santos then spent those donations on luxury items from Hermès and Ferragamo, Botox, a rent payment and other accommodations in Atlantic City and the Hamptons.
• Oh, and he’s asking Dumpy for a pardon.
• After his sentencing, he wrote ”I believe that 7 years is an over the top politically influenced sentence and I implore that President Trump gives me a chance to prove I'm more than the mistakes I've made. Respectfully, George Santos."
• Will Dumpy pardon Santos? He pardoned all the people who beat and killed cops and smeared their own shit inside the U.S. Capitol. Why not Santos too?
• And now, The Weather: “Orange” by Alex G
• From the Sports Desk… some Tour de France stage rankings, I guess? Look, football will be back soon, I promise.
• As of the 19th stage, with a total distance covered of 93.1 km (about 58 miles for you Americans), here are the leaders…
• 1. Thymen Arensman (NED). 2. Jonas Vinegaard (DEN). 3. Tadej Pogacar (SLO). 4. Florian Lipowitz (GER). 5. Oscar Onley (GBR). 6. Félix Gall (AUT). 7. Tobias Johannessen (NOR). 8. Ben Healy (IRL). 9. Valentin Paret Peintre (FRA). 10. Simon Yates (GBR).
• The Sports Desk also needs to mention A’s rookie Nick Kurtz, who pulled off one of the rarest feats in baseball last night in Houston when he hit four home runs in a single game. That, by the way, ties the all-time record.
• But wait: not only is Kurtz just the 20th player in MLB history to hit four dingers in a game; he’s the first rookie ever to do it. The guy is 22.
• And as if that wasn’t enough, his stat line at the plate sounds like something out of a video game. He went 6 for 6 with four homers, a double, six runs, and eight RBIs in the game. 
• Holy shit. How rare is this? The last American League player to hit four homers in a game was Josh Hamilton on May 8, 2012.
• Today in history… Rout of an alliance of Christian troops from Navarre and Léon against the Muslims at the Battle of Valdejunquera (920). Francis Drake, the English explorer, discovers a major bay on the coast of California, now known as San Francisco (1579). The office that would later become the United States Post Office Department is established by the Second Continental Congress, and Benjamin Franklin takes office as Postmaster General (1775). New York ratifies the United States Constitution and becomes the 11th state of the United States (1788). Liberia declares its independence from the United States (1847). George B. McClellan assumes command of the Army of the Potomac following a disastrous Union defeat at the First Battle of Bull Run (1861). Premiere of Richard Wagner's opera ‘Parsifal’ (1882). France annexes Tahiti (1891). United States Attorney General Charles Joseph Bonaparte issues an order to immediately staff the Office of the Chief Examiner, later renamed the Federal Bureau of Investigation (1908). In response to the Japanese occupation of French Indochina, the United States, Britain and the Netherlands freeze all Japanese assets and cut off oil shipments (1941). The USS Indianapolis arrives at Tinian with components and enriched uranium for the Little Boy nuclear bomb (1945). Aloha Airlines begins service from Honolulu (1946). U.S. President Harry S. Truman signs the National Security Act of 1947 into United States law creating the Central Intelligence Agency, United States Department of Defense, United States Air Force, Joint Chiefs of Staff, and the United States National Security Council… holy shit (1947). Truman signs Executive Order 9981, desegregating the military of the United States (1948). Fidel Castro leads an unsuccessful attack on the Moncada Barracks, thus beginning the Cuban Revolution (1953). A federal grand jury indicts Cornell University student Robert T. Morris, Jr. for releasing the Morris worm, thus becoming the first person to be prosecuted under the 1986 Computer Fraud and Abuse Act (1989). The Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990 is signed into law by President George H. W. Bush (1990). Launch of Discovery, NASA's first scheduled flight mission after the Columbia Disaster (2005). Hillary Clinton becomes the first female nominee for President of the United States by a major political party at the Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia (2016). 
• July 26 is the birthday of US vice president George Clinton (1739), playwright George Bernard Shaw (1856), psychiatrist Carl Jung (1875), novelist Aldous Huxley (1894), actress/comedian Gracie Allen (1895), actress Vivian Vance (1909), director Blake Edwards (1922), actor Jason Robards (1922), writer/illustrator Jan Berenstain (1923), director Stanley Kubrick (1928), singer-songwriter Dobie Gray (1940), singer Darlene Love (1941), singer-songwriter Mick Jagger (1943), actress Helen Mirren (1945), singer-songwriter/drummer Roger Taylor (1949), figure skater Dorothy Hamill (1956), actress Nana Visitor (1957), actor Kevin Spacey (1959), actress Sandra Bullock (1964), actor Jeremy Piven (1965), actress Kate Beckinsale (1973), singer-songwriter Iron & Wine (1974), UK prime minister Liz Truss (1975), and NBA player Delonte West (1983).

Well, that’s enough for now. I have things to do today, but that’s okay. Things are good. So is doing them. Enjoy your day.