Random News: July 31, 2025

DISCLAIMER: Zak's Random News is very random and doesn't cover many things, and not everything may be accurate, because I'm just some guy. Go find a real news source.

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Good morning. It’s July 31, 2025, and it’s a Thursday for some reason. I’d previously been under the impression that my flight today left slightly earlier than it actually is, and that extra bit of time has allowed me to give you more news than I assumed I’d be able to. Of course, a few seconds after I post this, I’ll be scrambling around and shoving the rest of my stuff into a bag and heading off to LAX.

• A recent poll says that between 80-90% of all Republicans and Democrats across every spectrum of MAGA/conservatives and progressive/liberals want the Epstein files to be released to the public.
• And I want you to consider this: if those files purely implicated people like Bill Clinton (or Joe Biden or Hillary Clinton or Kamala Harris or Barack Obama or anyone else Dumpy considers an enemy), how quickly would he have released them?
• He’d have done it the second he got his tiny orange hands on them. You know how he is.
• So that tells me that he, himself, is all over those files. He was the one who was a close friend of Epstein. Dump has openly spoken about his age limit of girls he likes to fuck (the cut-off line is 12, he claims).
• What, you don’t believe me? In 2006, Dump was a guest on Howard Stern’s radio show. Here’s a transcript…
• STERN: “Do you think you could now be banging 24-year-olds?”
• DUMP: “Oh, absolutely I have no trouble.”
• STERN: “Would you do it?”
• DUMP: “I have no problem.”
• QUIVERS (co-host): “Do you have an age limit or would you…”
• DUMP: “If I- No, no, I have no age–. I mean, I have an age li… I don’t want to be like Congressman Foley, with, you know, 12-year-olds.”
• So there you go. 13-year-olds are fine, but no girls younger than that. Dump was 60 years old at the time of the interview. Keep that in mind when you talk to your daughters or granddaughters, especially if you’re a Dump supporter.
• And don’t forget about the anonymous woman using the pseudonym Katie Johnson. She filed a lawsuit in California accusing both Dump and Epstein of forcibly raping her when she was 13 years old at underage sex parties at Epstein's Manhattan residence in 1994.
• None of this is new for Dumpy. Since the 1970s, at least 25 women have publicly accused Dump of rape, kissing and groping without consent; looking under women's skirts; and walking in on naked teenage pageant contestants.
• One other piece of Epstein-related news for now.
• Yesterday, Senate Democrats started an attempt to to force the Justice Department to release the Epstein files using a little-known law that directs executive agencies to turn over information to congressional oversight committees.
• Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer announced they’d pursue the "full and complete Epstein files” via a federal law known as Section 2954.
• It allows five members on the Senate Committee on Homeland Security and Government Affairs to submit an information request on matters within its jurisdiction to a federal agency. 
• Enacted in 1928, the obscure law is part of Congress' ability to wield influence over executive branch agencies, and gives minority members of the oversight committees the ability to request information without the help of the committee chairman.
• Nice!
• Moving on for now.
• Yesterday, Republican Sen. Josh Hawley (R-MO) joined Democrats to advance legislation that would ban members of Congress from buying, selling, or owning individual stocks. 
• I mean, hell fucking yes. But you know this will never pass a floor vote. It’ll probably never even get a floor vote.
• In yesterday’s 8-7 vote, Hawley and Senate Democrats on the U.S. Senate Committee on Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs voted the legislation out of committee, with all other Republicans on the committee voting against it.
• Here’s the comedy part of this. Ready?
• A reporter asked Dumpy his feelings on Hawley’s bill. He responded, "Well, I like it conceptually. I don't know about it. But I like it conceptually."
• And then someone explained to Dump what the bill meant. And later that very day…
• "The Democrats, because of our tremendous ACHIEVEMENTS and SUCCESS, have been trying to 'Target' me for a long period of time, and they're using Josh Hawley, who I got elected TWICE, as a pawn to help them. I wonder why Hawley would pass a Bill that Nancy Pelosi is in absolute love with — He is playing right into the dirty hands of the Democrats. It's a great Bill for her, and her 'husband,' but so bad for our Country!"
• HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH…. Jesus fucking Christ.
• Moving on.
• Yesterday, Dumpy did do at least one thing to fuck up the USA (I’m sure there were others). He signed an executive order suspending what's known as a de minimis exemption, allowing low-value parcels that are shipped to the United States to avoid tariffs. 
• The exemption had applied to parcels valued at $800 or less, and allowed overseas retailers to ship inexpensive goods to consumers in the U.S. tax-free. 
• No more. You’re going to pay a lot more for individual items from everywhere outside the USA. The de minimis exemption will end on August 29.
• The suspension was already in place for China, and had a serious impact on major Chinese retailers like Shein and Temu.
• Now, you’re going to pay this new Trump Tax in one of two ways: "Ad valorem duty” (a tax equal to the effective tariff rate that Dump has imposed) or "specific duty” (which ranges from $80 per item to $200 per item).
• Even if someone sends you a gift from outside the USA, if it’s over $100 value, you’ll need to pay the Trump Tax.
• It was in the midst of the Great Depression that the de minimis provision was added to the Tariff Act of 1930. They had to because otherwise, no American could afford to buy anything overseas. Tariffs — I should add — were one of the big causes of the Great Depression.
• Let’s move on.
• Everything gets hacked. Just… I mean everything. If you have anything on the Internet, t’s already been hacked.
• The most recent example? A previously disclosed hack affecting Tea, a women-only dating advice app, was more extensive than previously thought. 
• Tea's investigation of the incident found that app users' direct messages had been breached, along with some of their photos. They took the whole system offline.
• The app, which has become one of Apple's most downloaded free apps, was compromised in a cyberattack that exposed members' personal information, including selfies. The hackers accessed a data storage system containing information that members had uploaded prior to February 2024. 
• An additional 59,000 images and direct messages were also accessed without authorization.
• Sigh. This is why we can’t have nice things.
• A note from the Entertainment Desk, just because I found it amusing.
• As you recall, a couple months back, the Foo Fighters released drummer Josh Freese from the band. Josh has played with dozens and dozens of bands as a touring and recording musician.
• For example, from 2005-2008, he was the drummer for Nine Inch Nails.
• Well, the Foo Fighters have announced their new stick man. He’s a very good drummer (as you’d expect) named Ilan Rubin. Where did they get Ilan? Well, he had replaced Josh Freese in Nine Inch Nails in 2009, and has been their drummer ever since.
• So where is Josh going now? He’s replacing Ilan in NIN. I shit you not. You’d think there were like three great rock drummers in the whole world sometimes.
• And now, The Weather: “Fruit Cup” by Goon
• From the Sports Desk… yes, tonight is the first NFL preseason game. It’s the Chargers at Lions, being played in Ohio for the Hall of Fame Game.
• The NFL preseason does three things: it lets coaches determine their final team roster, it lets the NFL makes some extra money via media coverage, and it’s a really terrible way for players to get injured before the actual season starts. I’m not a fan.
• Still, I do welcome football back. Maybe tonight I’ll swing by the sports book in Vegas and see if I can lose some money on a pointless game.
• But in terms of things that actually matter, here’s another look at MLB standings right now. This time, we’re going to see the overall league-wide top teams.
• 1. Brewers. 2. Cubs. 3. Blue Jays. 4. Tigers. 5. Dodgers. 6. Astros. 7. Mets. 8. Phillies. 9. Padres. 10. Yankees. 11. Red Sox. 12. Mariners. 13. Rangers. 14. Reds. 15. Guardians. 16. Cardinals. 17. Royals. 18. Giants. 19. Rays. 20. Angels. 21. Marlins. 22. Twins. 23. Diamondbacks. 24. Orioles. 25. Athletics. 26. Pirates. 27. Braves. 28. Nationals. 29. White Sox. 30. Rockies.
• The MLB season is an insane 162 games. Most teams have played between 107-109 of those games. Still a long way to go.
• Today in history… Marc Antony wins the Battle of Alexandria over Octavian, but most of his troops desert (30 BC). The oldest recorded eruption of Mount Fuji (781). All remaining Jews are expelled from Spain when the Alhambra Decree takes effect (1492). Christopher Columbus “discovers” Trinidad (1498). Odawa Chief Pontiac's forces defeat British troops at the Battle of Bloody Run during Pontiac's War (1763). Christchurch, New Zealand is chartered as a city (1856). The Nazi Party wins 38% of the vote in German elections (1932). New York International Airport is dedicated, and is later renamed John F. Kennedy International Airport (1948). Ranger 7 sends back the first close-up photographs of the moon, with images 1,000 times clearer than anything ever seen from earth-bound telescopes (1964). Michael Phelps breaks the record for most medals won at the Olympics (2012).
• July 31 is the birthday of Holy Roman emperor Maximillian II (1527), French Prime Minister Henri Brisson (1835), painter Mary Vaux Walcott (1860), animation producer Fred Quimby (1886), music producer Ahmet Ertegun (1923), guitarist/composer Kenny Burrell (1931), tennis player Evonne Goolagong (1951), actor Michael Biehn (1956), drummer/composer Bill Berry (1958), businessman Mark Cuban (1958), guitarist Stanley Jordan (1959), NFL player Kevin Greene (1962), actor Wesley Snipes (1962), DJ/musician Fatboy Slim (1963), author J. K. Rowling (1965), NFL player Gus Frerotte (1971), MLB player/manager Gabe Kapler (1975), singer-songwriter/guitarist Zac Brown (1978), actor/screenwriter B. J. Novak (1979), NFL player DeMarcus Ware (1982), and MLB player José Fernández (1992).

Okay then. Well, I wasn’t planning on doing any news at all today, so that was surprising, even to me. I can promise that won’t be the case tomorrow, Saturday, or Sunday. Time to finish packing and get my ass to Vegas. Enjoy your day.