Random News: September 8, 2023

DISCLAIMER: Zak's Random News is very random and doesn't cover many things, and not everything may be accurate, because I'm just some guy. Go find a real news source.

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Good morning. It’s September 8, 2023, and if you can believe it, it’s a Friday once again! I’m living the bachelor life here while my significant other is on the other side of the planet, meaning that I am doing the exact same things I would be if she was here, because I’m old and boring. As such, let’s do some news.

• Former Donald Trump trade adviser Peter Navarro has been convicted of contempt of Congress for not complying to a subpoena from the House select committee investigating the January 6, 2021 failed coup attempt at the US Capitol.
• Navarro is the second ex-aide to El Dumpo to be prosecuted for his lack of cooperation with the committee. Steve Bannon was convicted last year on two contempt counts. Bannon’s case is currently on appeal.
• In very unsurprising news, attorneys for the former President and current accused federal felon have notified Georgia state court in Fulton County that they may seek to remove his election interference case to federal court.
• Five other defendants in District Attorney Fani Willis' sweeping RICO case have made this same request (Meadows, Clark, Latham, Still, and Shafer). They all think that their case will be more easily dismissed or pardoned at the fed level rather than the state.
• Speaking of Fani Willis, the GA district attorney wrote a scathing letter to House Judiciary Chairman Jim Jordan (R-OH) after he asked her to turn over all documents related to her prosecution of former President Trump and 18 others on charges related to election interference.
• Are you kidding me? Fuck all the way off, Jimbo.
• Willis’ nine-page letter accuses Jordan of offending Constitutional principals with his attempt to interfere with and obstruct her office’s prosecution; suggests he buy a book on racketeering prosecution at the price offered for non-attorneys; and casts her response as voluntary as settled constitutional law clearly permits her to ignore Jordan’s unjustified and illegal intrusion.
• BAM!
• Here’s some brand new news on this same topic…
• A special grand jury report summarizing the Fulton County investigation into efforts by Donnie Dump and his allies to overturn the 2020 presidential election will be released today.
• Judge Robert McBurney, who presided over the special purpose grand jury, last week ordered the public release of the report, which will reveal whether the grand jury recommended anyone else be indicted.
• The special grand jury was convened last year as part of Willis's investigation because it had the power to issue subpoenas to compel witnesses to testify. The panel had said it had "received evidence from or involving 75 witnesses during the course of this investigation, the overwhelming majority of which information was delivered in person under oath."
• Wheeee!
• In our continuing coverage of the more than 1,100 assholes who’ve been charged for their actions on January 6, 2021, a rioter who sprayed police officers with bear spray and bragged “we stormed them and we took Congress” was sentenced to 6-1/2 years in prison yesterday.
• Sean McHugh, 36, of Auburn, CA was found guilty at a bench trial in April of obstruction and assaulting, impeding or interfering with law enforcement officers. He was sentenced to 78 months in prison and 36 months of supervised release.
• FAFO, fucker.
• Let’s move on… to a serious accusation about Elon Musk.
• A senior Ukrainian official has accused Musk of “committing evil” after details were revealed about how Musk ordered his Starlink satellite communications network to be turned off near the Crimean coast last year to hobble a Ukrainian drone attack on Russian warships.
• Ukrainian presidential adviser Mykhailo Podolyak wrote that Musk’s interference led to the deaths of civilians, calling them “the price of a cocktail of ignorance and big ego”.
• Musk defended his decision, saying he did not want his SpaceX company to be “explicitly complicit in a major act of war and conflict escalation”.
• But SpaceX makes money by selling tools used for military conflict to various global governments. Can one unelected man make choices that allow for life or death to millions of people?
• Moving on to another asshole.
• Actor Danny Masterson was sentenced to 30 years to life in prison yesterday after a jury convicted him earlier this year of raping two women 20 years ago. The rapes occurred in 2003 while Masterson, now 47, was starring as Steven Hyde in the hit sitcom "That '70s Show."
• He was actually also accused of having raped a third woman but was acquitted of that one. These rape accusations have been public knowledge for a long time. Masterson had been shielded from prosecution for many years by his powerful allies in the Scientology organization.
• Fuck that rapist piece of shit.
• And now, The Weather: “Amber” by Healy
• Hurricane Lee, already a Category 5 storm, is expected to gain strength today as it makes its way west. Dangerous surf and rip currents are expected to begin along most of the U.S. East Coast starting on Sunday. Lee's winds could get as high as 185 mph today.
• Holy shit.
• From the “Florida Man” files, a man who was trying to cross the Atlantic in a “human-powered hamster wheel” was arrested by the U.S. Coast Guard.
• Reza Baluchi was 70 miles off of Georgia's coast when officers found him during a "manifestly unsafe voyage" while Hurricane Franklin was headed toward the area. Baluchi was arrested on August 28 after a bizarre three-day standoff with authorities.
• At one point, Baluchi, who refused to get off the vessel he was on, displayed "two knives and threatened to hurt himself" if officers onboarded. Fucking Florida.
• As I do every once in awhile, let’s compare how many words I’ve written in these bullets to other great works of literary art. Since I began this in May 2022, I’ve posted 566,405 words.
• All seven books in C. S. Lewis’ ‘Narnia’ series comes out to 345,535 words. That’s slightly more than Miguel de Cervantes’ ‘Don Quixote’ at 344,665 words. 
• Not any one of George R. R. Martin’s five-volume ‘A Song of Ice and Fire’ series is more than 424,000 words. Stephen King’s longest work, ‘The Stand: Uncut’ is 471,485 words. I’ve recently surpassed the gold standard for long-ass books, now being lengthier than Leo Tolstoy’s ‘War and Peace’ at 561,304 words.
• My next milestone to break, which will happen in the next week or so, is to surpass all four books in J. R. R. Tolkien’s four-volume ‘Lord of the Rings' series (including ‘The Hobbit’) at 576,459 words.
• From the Sports Desk… I sort of watched a real, actual NFL football game last night. “Sort of” because I ain’t got time for all that on a Thursday evening.
• But what I saw did not disappoint; the Detroit Lions, once a team so terrible that it set the record for going the entire 2008 season without a win, beat the current champion Kansas City Chiefs on the road in a thrilling 21-20 victory.
• The Lions are real. Also, as a Raiders fan, I celebrate any loss of the Chiefs, Broncos, or Chargers. It was a great start of the NFL season, for me anyway.
• Today in history… Michelangelo's David is unveiled in Piazza della Signoria in Florence (1504).  Marriage of King George III of the United Kingdom to Duchess Charlotte of Mecklenburg-Strelitz (1761). The Tonquin sets sail from New York Harbor with 33 employees of John Jacob Astor's newly created Pacific Fur Company on board, arriving six months later at the mouth of the Columbia River and establishing the fur-trading town of Astoria, Oregon (1810). The Northern Pacific Railway was completed in a ceremony at Gold Creek, Montana (1883). To prove women were capable military dispatch riders, Augusta and Adeline Van Buren arrive in Los Angeles, completing a 60-day, 5,500 mile cross-country trip on motorcycles (1916). 3M begins marketing Scotch transparent tape (1930). The Canadian Broadcasting Corporation makes its first televised broadcast (1952). The landmark American science fiction television series Star Trek premieres with its first-aired episode, "The Man Trap” (1966). In Washington, D.C., the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts is inaugurated (1971). Gerald Ford signs the pardon of Richard Nixon for any crimes Nixon may have committed while in office (1974). US Air Force Tech Sergeant Leonard Matlovich, a decorated veteran of the Vietnam War, appears in his Air Force uniform on the cover of Time magazine with the headline "I Am A Homosexual” (1975). 
• September 8 is the birthday of king Richard I of England (1157), mathematician Marin Mersenne (1588), composer Antonín Dvořák (1841), mandolin player/composer Seth Weeks (1868), politician Claude Pepper (1900), actor Sid Caesar (1922), activist Jacqueline Ceballos (1925), actor Peter Sellers (1925), singer-songwriter Patsy Cline (1932), politician Bernie Sanders (1941), singer-songwriter/keyboardist Ron Pigpen McKernan (1945), NHL player Rogie Vachon (1945), singer-songwriter/bass player Benjamin Orr (1947), bass player Will Lee (1952), singer-songwriter/guitarist Aimee Mann (1960), singer-songwriter/guitarist Neko Case (1970), actor David Arquette (1971), actor Martin Freeman (1971), singer-songwriter Pink (1979), rapper Wiz Khalifa (1987), DJ/remixer Avicii (1989), and MLB plater Gerrit Cole (1990).

As I mentioned up top, Kat is in Sydney, Australia. I found myself completely stressed and annoyed for part of yesterday afternoon when I saw her 15-hour flight had landed but then a few more hours went by before she was in touch. And of course, she was just waiting until she could get to her hotel and be on the wifi rather than paying $10,000,000 for an international cellular call from the other side of the planet. I should have guessed that. Anyway, time for me to be productive. Enjoy your day.