Random News: October 5, 2023

DISCLAIMER: Zak's Random News is very random and doesn't cover many things, and not everything may be accurate, because I'm just some guy. Go find a real news source.

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Good morning. It’s October 5, 2023, and it’s a Thursday for some reason. I’m up and about, with my big cup of coffee at the ready, and it’s time to see what’s going on in this great big world of ours.

• It’s day two of the United States House of Representatives not having a speaker. Frankly, the difference between Kevin McCarthy and no speaker at all is pretty negligible from the outside, anyway.
• Fun fact: the Speaker of the House is second in the line of succession only to the Vice President. With no speaker at the moment, that role goes to President pro tempore of the Senate, a certain Patty Murray of the state of Washington.
• Yesterday, I opined that only three people would be battling for the role. I wrote, “I suspect some shitty weirdo like Elise Stefanik or Steve Scalise and even Jim “Gym” Jordan will step up soon."
• So far, I have two of those three weirdos correct. Scalise and Jordan have thrown their hats into the ring. Anyone want to take some action on whether the next speaker is also ejected at some point?
• One point that’s been brought up: McCarthy has been the GOP’s best fundraiser. He’s spent years raising mountains of Republican campaign cash, flying around the country to recruit top candidates in key districts and painstakingly building political relationships as he worked his way toward becoming Speaker of the House.
• Another note… the knives are coming out for Matt Gaetz for having toppled McCarthy. The rest of the GOP is super angry at him. 
• “This is the guy who the media didn't give the time of day to after he was accused of sleeping with an underaged girl. We had all seen the videos he was showing on the House floor of the girls that he had slept with. He’d brag about how he would crush ED medicine and chase it with an energy drink so he could go all night.” - Sen. Markwayne Mullin (R-OK)
• “Matt Gaetz, to say he came as a fiscal crusader, it’s more likely he came here for the teenage interns on Capitol Hill, to be honest.” -Marc Short, former Chief of Staff to Mike Pence
• Snort. They’re going to Cawthorne him. I’ll enjoy every minute.
• Being more serious for a moment, all of this madness will disappear if we vote in more Democratic representatives in 2024 and hand the House back to the grownups. We did super well in 2022 when a “Red Wave” was called by the pundits, and only ended up being a razor-thin majority for the GOP.
• With no clear leader and tons of infighting heading into next year’s election, the timing is perfect for the Dems to kick ass and sail to victory.
• As we get into 2024, I will be giving you very specific information on the candidates and districts where seats can be flipped and the House can get back to doing its job.
• Let’s move on.
• After two and a half days of scowling inside — and angrily speechifying just outside — of a Manhattan courtroom, El Dumpo left his $250 million civil fraud trial yesterday, and doesn't have to return until he testifies some weeks from now.
• He didn’t have to be there in the first place — it was just a prop for a political stunt — and he ended up getting a gag order for his trouble. Also, everything he said about the trial outside the courtroom was utterly wrong, and he likely harmed his case in the process.
• Slow clap. Way to go, Donnie.
• Let’s move on to some news of the actual President, Joe Biden.
• The Biden administration announced it waived 26 federal laws to permit more border wall construction in southern Texas.
• The Department of Homeland Security posted the announcement overnight in the Federal Registry, which said the administration was waiving federal laws such as the Clean Air Act, the Safe Drinking Water Act and the Endangered Species Act for the wall construction in Starr County, Texas, using federal funds appropriated in 2019.
• I get it. Yes, there’s a crisis at the border with an influx of illegal immigration. What Biden is doing is acquiescing to the right, and while it doesn’t make me happy, I can’t offer any better solution than more physical barriers in specific locations.
• I’m not sure they’ll help, but they might get the talking heads on the right to find something else to bitch about for awhile.
• The real answer is to come up with better and more streamlined methods of legal immigration, but that doesn’t acknowledge the fact that the right wing simply doesn’t want brown people in our country, legally or otherwise.
• Moving on.
• Meet Michael Gardner, 62, of Texas. He was officiating a Nebraska wedding this past weekend and the ceremony started late. Gardner decided to get everybody's attention and "start the wedding with a bang" by shooting a revolver into the air outside.
• But when he decided to cock back the hammer on his revolver, it slipped and it shot his grandson in the left shoulder. 
• The 12-year-old victim was taken to a hospital for treatment. His injuries were not considered life threatening. Gardner turned himself in after the shooting. He was charged with felony child abuse for neglectable firing of a firearm and injuring someone.
• You know what might have prevented this? How about not shooting a gun, or maybe not having a gun with you at a wedding? Or there not being guns. That would work too.
• And now, The Weather: “Two Years” by Maple Glider
• Last Friday, musician Grimes — real name Claire Boucher — filed a “petition to establish parental relationship,” with Elmo Muck named as a respondent. This is a legal request to a court to establish who the parents of a child are when they are not married.
• Grimes and Elmo share three children, X Æ A-Xii, Exa Dark Sideræl, and Tau Techno Mechanicus. Yes, those are the kids’ names. I didn’t have a stroke and start writing random characters, nor did my cat jump on my keyboard.
• Nerds.
• Got a chart for you… the top of the Billboard Hot 100 singles for this date in October 1983. I was a sophomore in high school. I might have been dating Darcy Cole. I think my first band was together at that point and we were playing in the garage a lot. A bit of trivia about Bonnie Tyler, who had the number-one song at the time.
• Back in 1977, Tyler had a huge hit with the song “It’s a Heartache”. There’s an urban myth in the music world that the song was first shopped to Rod Stewart, who turned it down, and then they went to Tyler because her husky voice was basically identical to Rod’s. Adding some validity to this is the fact that Stewart did eventually cover the song after years of people thinking it was him on the Tyler recording.
• 1. Total Eclipse Of The Heart (Bonnie Tyler). 2. Making Love Out Of Nothing At All (Air Supply). 3. King Of Pain (The Police). 4. True (Spandau Ballet). 5. Islands In The Stream (Kenny Rogers Duet With Dolly Parton). 6. One Thing Leads To Another (The Fixx). 7. All Night Long (All Night) (Lionel Richie). 8. The Safety Dance (Men Without Hats). 9. Tell Her About It (Billy Joel). 10.(she's) Sexy + 17 (Stray Cats). 11. Telefone (long Distance Love Affair) (Sheena Easton). 12. Burning Down The House (Talking Heads). 13. Delirious (Prince). 14. Far From Over (Frank Stallone). 15. Promises, Promises (Naked Eyes). 16. How Am I Supposed To Live Without You (Laura Branigan). 17. Suddenly Last Summer (The Motels). 18. If Anyone Falls (Stevie Nicks). 19. Tonight, I Celebrate My Love (Peabo Bryson/Roberta Flack). 20. Big Log (Robert Plant)
• Random thought: people say that men grow a beard, like he went to a garden center and bought seeds and mulch and then cultivated some sort of vegetation.
• The beard is just there, man. I didn’t do anything to invoke its existence. What you mean is that I didn’t shave off the beard.
• There’s some evidence that people started hair removal as early as 100,000 years ago, in the Stone Age. Shaving as we know it has been around since about 3,000 BC, with the advent of copper. Some think shaving became popular for reasons of hygiene, but really it’s always just been a fashion statement.
• Around 2,300 years ago, Alexander the Great strongly promoted shaving the beard for Macedonian soldiers before battle because he feared the enemy would grab them. That’s a pretty good reason to shave.
• Side note: in 1895, a guy invented the double-edged safety razor, with cheap disposable blades sharpened from two sides. His name was King Camp Gillette. True story.
• Super side note: I don’t know why people these days feel compelled to shave anything ever. No other animals do this shit.
• From the Sports Desk… Simone Biles won her 20th world championships gold medal as the 26-year-old continued her impressive return from a two-year hiatus away from gymnastics, playing a key role in a historic victory for the US in the women’s team final yesterday.
• Nice. She’s pretty amazing.
• Also from the Sports Desk… holy shit, there were four MLB Wild Card round sweeps in one day! Texas over Tampa Bay 7-1, Minnesota over Toronto 2-0, Arizona over Milwaukee 5-2, and Philadelphia over Miami -1. This means the MLB divisional matchups are set in stone.
• American League: Orioles (1) vs Rangers (5), Astros (2) vs Twins (3).
• National League: Braves (1) vs Phillies (4), Dodgers (2) vs Diamondbacks (6).
• The first ALDS and NLDS games are all on Saturday October 7.
• Today in history… Heraclius arrives at Constantinople, kills Byzantine Emperor Phocas, and becomes emperor (610). King Louis the Pious — my 38th great grandfather — is crowned emperor of the Holy Roman Empire by the Pope (816). Louis IX, Duke of Bavaria expels Jews from his jurisdiction (1450). The Women's March on Versailles effectively terminates royal authority (1789). The Army of the Northwest defeats a British and Native Canadian force threatening Detroit (1813). An aircraft successfully destroys another aircraft with gunfire for the first time (1914). The World Series is the first to be broadcast on radio (1921). A six-month strike by Hollywood set decorators turns into a bloody riot at the gates of the Warner Brothers studio (1945). President Truman makes the first televised Oval Office address (1947). The first of the James Bond film series, based on the novels by Ian Fleming, ‘Dr. No’, is released in Britain (1962). The first Beatles single "Love Me Do" is released in Britain (1962). A reactor at the Enrico Fermi Nuclear Generating Station near Detroit suffers a partial meltdown (1966). The Public Broadcasting Service is founded (1970). Tylenol products are recalled after bottles in Chicago laced with cyanide cause seven deaths (1982). Mass demonstrations in Serbia force the resignation of Slobodan Milošević (2000). 
• October 5 is the birthday of painter Francesco Guardi (1712), US president Chester A. Arthur (1829), film director Louis Lumière (1864), physicist Robert H. Goddard (1882), comedian/actor Larry Fine (1902), businessman Ray Kroc (1902), actor Donald Pleasence (1919), cartoonist Bil Keane (1922), poet/politician Václav Havel (1936), singer-songwriter/guitarist Steve Miller (1943), singer Russell Mael (1948), musician B. W. Stevenson (1949), guitarist Fast Eddie Clarke (1950), singer-songwriter Bob Geldof (1951), keyboardist/composer Harold Faltermeyer (1952), comedian Bernie Mac (1957), astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson (1958), actor Daniel Baldwin (1960), singer-songwriter Pato Banton (1961), NHL player Mario Lemieux (1965), NHL player Patrick Roy (1965), NBA player Rex Chapman (1967), NBA player Grant Hill (1972), and actress Kate Winslet (1975).

Well, this was a blank page 42 minutes ago. Now it’s filled with stuff that might be useful for you and I to know. That’s why I do it. Enjoy your day.