Random News: April 12, 2024

DISCLAIMER: Zak's Random News is very random and doesn't cover many things, and not everything may be accurate, because I'm just some guy. Go find a real news source.

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Good morning. It’s April 12, 2024, and if you can believe it, it’s a Friday once again! I am definitely grateful for this week to be wrapping up… lots of work stress and various random annoyances have been prevalent. But here we are, and if you’re reading this, you lived to see Friday, so let’s enjoy being alive and find out the important news of the day.

• I think that most of you are aware about my opinions on gun rights.
• Or maybe not.
• I support Americans’ right to bear arms. Were you not expecting that?
• But I also feel that common sense regulation of guns is in the country’s best interest, in the same way that I support the fact that the government requires people to have driver’s education, testing and licensing, and must carry insurance to drive a car.
• And that people who flaunt laws by driving recklessly or while intoxicated absolutely should be penalized.
• Why can’t it be that easy for people to take the same tact in regard to guns? Never mind, I know why.
• So I was very happy when yesterday, the most significant increase in American gun regulation in decades went through.
• The Justice Department has finalized rules to close a loophole that allowed people to sell firearms online, at gun shows, and at other informal venues without conducting background checks on those who purchase them.
• This is a huge step in the positive direction. The rules codify changes outlined in the Bipartisan Safer Communities Act, which was signed into law by President Biden in June 2022 and expanded which gun sellers were legally required to conduct background checks on buyers.
• Will it solve everything? No, of course not. But as VP Harris said, “Every person in our nation has a right to live free from the horror of gun violence. I do believe that. We know how to prevent these tragedies, and it is a false choice to say you are either in favor of the Second Amendment or you want to take everyone’s guns away.”
• Thank you. She’s a very smart woman, if you were unaware. I think she’ll make a fine President if that’s what she wants to do after BIden’s next term.
• Let’s move on.
• Yesterday, the U.S. State Department warned Americans in Israel that a worst-case scenario could materialize within just hours via the possibility of a direct attack on Israeli soil by Iran in retaliation for a strike almost two weeks ago that killed seven Iranian military officers.
• U.S. officials said that a major Iranian attack against Israel was expected as soon as today, possibly to include more than 100 drones and dozens of missiles aimed at military targets inside the country. 
• It is unlikely that Israel will be able to defend against an attack of such a magnitude. And, of course, the U.S. would be expected to step in to help our ally.
• This is… not good at all.
• Let’s cheer up with some comedy news.
• Donnie Dump and House Speaker Mike Johnson (R-LA) are pushing a bill to ban non-citizens from voting.
• Cough.
• Non-citizens can’t vote. It’s not and never has been legal for non-citizens to vote. In a study of the 2016 election by the Brennan Center, researchers found that just 0.0001 per cent of voters across 42 jurisdictions, encompassing 23.5 million votes, were suspected to be non-citizens who managed to vote. It’s estimated to be 30 incidents in total.
• 30. Out of 23.5 million.
• So yes, by all means, focus on something that doesn’t exist, Republicans. Honestly, I tried having sympathy for you people before, but now I’m back to scorn, derision, and pure schadenfreude.
• Moving on.
• Senate Republicans are furious at Donnie Dump.
• Why? Because Dump derailed a compromise House bill to extend the authority of the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (FISA) to keep the nation’s intelligence agencies from losing their ability to spy on adversaries and terrorists.
• Republican senators are warning that the nation’s spy program is about to go dark and that much of the intelligence that goes into President Biden’s daily briefing could be lost, putting the nation at risk for surprise attacks.
• I’ll try and make the background quick. FISA is a law that’s been in place since 1978. It basically allows US intelligence agencies to spy on foreigners and is considered essential for national security.
• Democrats overwhelmingly support FISA reauthorization. But this week, far-right conservatives immediately held up the vote. Nineteen House Republicans shot down a procedural step, which effectively froze the House and left the legislation in a state of limbo.
• Who’s holding it up? The MAGA nuts, at the direction of Dump, are super bigly mad at Republican Speaker Mike Johnson and don’t want to support something that he supports. So it’s petty infighting.
• Democrats could come to Johnson’s aid, but certainly won’t assist Johnson bring a stand-alone FISA bill to the floor.
• As of yesterday, some of the conservative holdouts seemed be warming to modifications proposed to FISA, such as changing the duration of the law from five years to two. By the way, why would they want to do that?
• Because that’s what Dump wants them to do. That’s it; no other reason given. And why does Dump want America’s enemies to be more easily able to attack us? It’s a really good question.
• So, obviously an ongoing story that we’ll follow up on later.
• In other Congress news, Mike Johnson is negotiating with the White House to advance wartime funding for Ukraine and Israel through the House.
• Johnson has delayed for months on advancing aid that would provide desperately needed ammunition and weaponry for Kyiv, trying to find the right time to advance a package that will leave him hated by both sides of the aisle.
• Maybe those Republicans who are supporting Kremlin talking points should just admit that they’re getting direction straight from Vladimir Putin, which is almost certainly the case.
• Moving on.
• Sorry to tell you, but you can no longer marry your first cousin in Tennessee. I mean, you can fuck them, but don’t marry them.
• The Republican-led Tennessee Legislature has overwhelmingly voted to send GOP Gov. Bill Lee a proposal that would ban the practice of marriage between the family members.
• The TN House cast a 75-2 vote yesterday on the bill after the state’s Senate previously approved it without any opposition.
• One of the two guys who voted against it, Rep. Gino Bulso, related that his own grandparents had been first cousins. Bulso is also sponsoring that would ban displaying pride flags in public school classrooms.
• So, per his philosophy, go ahead and fuck family members, but not in a gay way.
• Alright, let’s talk about the other thing.
• Orenthal James Simpson is no longer among the living. He died of cancer yesterday at age 76, with the news of his death breaking moments after I’d posted my bullets.
• O. J. played football for USC, where he won the Heisman Trophy, and was the first pick in the 1969 NFL/AFL draft. He played in the NFL for 11 seasons, primarily with the Buffalo Bills, and is regarded as one of the greatest running backs of all time.
• Simpson gained 11,236 rushing yards, placing him 2nd on the NFL's all-time rushing list when he retired.
• After his football career, O. J. was an actor and sports broadcaster. In the ‘80s, he was a very popular figure in American culture.
• And then in 1994, he murdered his ex-wife Nicole Brown and her friend Ron Goldman. He was tried and acquitted, but in years since has all but admitted his guilt on multiple occasions.
• O. J. did end up getting hit with a massive civil suit which bankrupted him, and ended up serving about nine years in prison… not for the murders, but for kidnapping and armed robbery.
• I’m sure someone will miss The Juice, but I’m not one of them.
• Side note… on Friday June 17, 1994, I was 25 years old and living in a shithole apartment in Torrance on Artesia Boulevard just east of the 405.
• When my then-wife and I realized that the now-infamous low-speed chase was going to be passing by, we ran to the other side of the complex and saw with our own eyes the white Ford Bronco being trailed by dozens and dozens of cops.
• Crazy.
• And as long as we’re doing sports stories that have nothing to do with sports, we can finally bring up the bizarre case of Shohei Ohtani and his former interpreter and supposed best friend.
• Per an affidavit filed by federal authorities yesterday, Ippei Mizuhara stole more than $16 million over two years from the Los Angeles Dodgers superstar to pay off gambling debts to an illegal sportsbook.
• Why haven’t I mentioned this earlier? Because there were too many questions up in the air, including some rather unfounded accusations of Ohtani himself as being the one gambling.
• Mizuhara is being charged with bank fraud, which can carry a maximum fine of up to $1 million and/or up to 30 years in prison.
• And the feds made it clear: Ohtani is considered a victim in this case. There was no evidence Ohtani had any knowledge of Mizuhara's gambling activities or use of his bank account to pay his debts.
• And now, The Weather: “Rollin' In” by Sam Evian
• From the Sports Desk… it would seem that all the weirdness between the PGA and LIV Golf have left people with a bad taste in their mouths. TV ratings for golf tournaments have never been lower.
• That being said The Masters is on. As usual, everyone is watching Tiger Woods, who was tied for 36th place at 1-over-par 73 after 18 holes, 8 strokes behind leader Bryson DeChambeau.
• The world’s top golfer, Scottie Scheffler, was one shot behind DeChambeau after tallying a 6-under 66 on Thursday. Denmark's Nicolai Højgaard and Max Homa were two strokes back after posting 5-under 67.
• Today in history… The Union Flag is adopted as the flag of English and Scottish ships (1606). The Civil War begins with Confederate forces firing on Fort Sumter, in the harbor of Charleston, SC (1861). Confederate forces kill most of the African American soldiers that surrendered at Fort Pillow, TN (1864). President William McKinley signs the Foraker Act into law, giving Puerto Rico limited self-rule (1900). Sir Frank Whittle ground-tests the first jet engine designed to power an aircraft, at Rugby, England (1937). U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt dies in office; Vice President Harry S. Truman becomes President upon Roosevelt's death (1945). The polio vaccine, developed by Dr. Jonas Salk, is declared safe and effective (1955). The first launch of a Space Shuttle takes place (1981). Harold Washington is elected as the first black mayor of Chicago (1983). United States President Bill Clinton is cited for contempt of court for giving "intentionally false statements" in a civil lawsuit (1999). 
• April 12 is the birthday of politician Henry Clay (1777), playwright Alexander Ostrovsky (1823), photographer Imogen Cunningham (1883), actress Dorothy Cumming (1894), singer-songwriter Hound Dog Taylor (1912), singer/ukulele player Tiny Tim (1932), pianist/composer Herbie Hancock (1940), actor Ed O’Neill (1946), author Tom Clancy (1947), comedian/TV host David Letterman (1947), singer-songwriter/guitarist Pat Travers (1954), actor Andy Garcia (1956), singer-songwriter/guitarist Vince Gill (1957), singer-songwriter Amy Ray (1965), actress Shannen Doherty (1971), actress Claire Danes (1979), and politician Tulsi Gabbard (1981).

That seems like enough news for now. Enjoy your day.