Random News: April 27, 2024

DISCLAIMER: Zak's Random News is very random and doesn't cover many things, and not everything may be accurate, because I'm just some guy. Go find a real news source.

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Good morning. It’s April 27, 2024, and it’s a Saturday. I’m some random guy in a bathrobe, waking up on a Saturday morning and collating the news for you while I drink multiple cups of coffee.

• I’m going to start with a story that’s so cruel, vile, and almost certainly deeply upsetting to any normal person that I’m going to give you a rare chance to skip the next big set of bullets.
• So go ahead and skip. Like 20 bullets.
• Last chance.
• Okay.
• Kristi Noem is the governor of South Dakota and a Republican. She has a new book out where she — for reasons unknown — details the story of her puppy Cricket, a 14-month-old wirehair pointer.
• Noem took Cricket on a pheasant hunt where, in Noem’s own words, was, “out of her mind with excitement, chasing all those birds and having the time of her life.”
• She went on to say, “I hated that dog,” and described her as untrainable and “less than worthless as a hunting dog.”
• So she took the puppy to a gravel pit and shot her in the head.
• I’m going to state the obvious. For any normal human being with any level of empathy, you understand that puppies can be trained.
• And in the case that you can’t take the time or effort to train a dog and you’re a shitty person, you still have the option of re-homing an animal, or what I used to think was the worst case scenario, turning the dog in at an animal shelter.
• Under no circumstances is it excusable to murder a fucking puppy because its inconvenient for you.
• And the reason I’m even mentioning this whole disgusting story is simple: I find it to be indicative of the underlying mindset of a good chunk of the Republican party.
• Think about it.
• These are people whose parents never taught them kindness or empathy. That’s why they do things like put helpless migrant families on buses and drop them off in freezing, unfamiliar places with no food or shelter.
• That’s why they support and enact draconian laws that say a woman is legally required to give birth to a rapist’s baby.
• That’s why they work hard to remove the rights and benefits to live freely that all Americans merit.
• As has been said many times before but becomes more transparent all the time… the cruelty is the point. That’s what they admire in themselves and in others.
• Which brings us to this.
• Why would Noem write this story in her book? Why would she willingly publicize a fact that nearly any human with a heart would find disgusting and repulsive?
• Because her supporters won’t. And if you admire Noem for being able to “make hard decisions” like she’s trying to impart here, I have no room for you in my life, and I will never be able to call you a friend.
• No matter who you are to me.
• And last note: Noem is near the top of the list of vice president candidates expected to be selected by Donald Trump. And Trump highly endorsed this very book that includes the story of the murder of Cricket.
• Okay.
• That’s all on that.
• Let’s do some news.
• All charges against the 57 people arrested in connection to the Wednesday pro-Palestinian protest at the University of Texas have been dropped.
• The Travis County attorney's office said all 57 arrests, which were all criminal trespassing charges, lacked probable cause.
• Hope those UT cops enjoyed doing all that paperwork for no reason at all.
• I was just being snarky there, but it turns out that Nouha Ezouhri, an attorney with the Travis County public defender's office, noted that university police copy/pasted each probable cause affidavit for every person arrested.
• Doesn’t work that way, you lazy fucks. Now you have no cases at all.
• I noticed a lot of people angry and upset about the filmed arrest of Emory University economics professor Caroline Fohlin, who was thrown to the ground, pinned down, and cuffed.
• Breathless headlines called the incident “shocking.” How is that shocking? Cops do that to people in every city across the country every day.
• I mean, it probably should be shocking, but ask literally any cop of any law enforcement agency if this is abnormal.
• Ask any Black or Hispanic person who is being detained or arrested if it’s shocking to be roughed up and thrown down.
• Fuck, ask ME about being pulled through the window of a car by my hair and body slammed and knelt on for (checks notes) no reason at all.
• Fohlin is one of two professors among 28 people who were arrested by police on Thursday at the campus, where police had deployed rubber bullets to disperse crowds.
• I don’t have much more to report on the nationwide pro-Palestine college campus protests. They continue all over, everywhere from community colleges to Ivy League universities.
• Over 100 people were arrested just this morning at Northeastern University in Boston as police broke up their encampments.
• Here in California, Cal State Polytechnic University, Humboldt is closing and moving to a remote format until the end of the semester due to the continued occupation of at least two campus buildings. 
• And so on. There are dozens and dozens of similar stories.
• On one hand, there’s the support of the First Amendment rights to free speech and assembly. On the other are reports of infiltration of student groups by purely antisemitic hate groups.
• There’s no way to know how things will transpire, with so many variables in place. Hopefully, it will be resolved peacefully inane case, though it’s hard to see how that’s possible.
• Moving on.
• I thought you’d enjoy hearing Rudy Giuliani’s defense about the criminal charges he faces in Arizona’s fake elector plot.
• “Well, I didn’t spend as much time on Arizona as I did, let’s say, with Georgia, Michigan, and Pennsylvania. I know those better,” said Rudy this week on right-wing broadcaster Newsmax.
• That’s like being accused of murder in one state and justifying it by saying that you actually murdered more people in other states.
• As we reported this past week, Arizona has joined Michigan, Nevada, and Georgia in charging fake electors for trying to overturn the 2020 elections.
• Fake electors in Wisconsin have settled a civil lawsuit over their fraudulent efforts. Meanwhile, in Fulton County, GA, Dump himself faces charges for trying to overturn the state election results.
• In other news…
• Remember in February 2022 when basketball player Brittney Griner was detained and arrested on smuggling charges by Russian customs officials after cartridges containing less than a gram of medically prescribed hash oil, illegal in Russia, were found in her luggage?
• She was put in a Russian penal colony and wasn’t released until that December.
• I recall a lot of MAGA-type folks saying things like, “Well, she should have known the country's laws and she deserved it.”
• Why am I mentioning this?
• Because Oklahoma man Ryan Watson and his wife and friends were in Turks and Caicos to celebrate a birthday. But then airport security found ammunition that was allegedly unknowingly left in a duffel bag from a deer hunting trip.
• Possessing guns or ammunition is prohibited in Turks and Caicos. Watson could face a 12-year prison sentence.
• He is currently out on bail as of this morning, but must remain in the island country. His next court date is scheduled for June 7.
• I’m sure the folks who thought Britney Griner deserved a long sentence in a Russian labor camp will also support Watson’s imprisonment.
• Right? No? Why not? Might it have something to do with Griner being a Black lesbian and Watson being a white man from the American heartland?
• Ah.
• Let’s do some fun news. I think we need it.
• Tonight is the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, and I think Joe has got some roasting to do.
• Biden will speak to a crowd of nearly 3,000 journalists, celebrities, and politicians, continuing a tradition dating back to Calvin Coolidge of presidents addressing the dinner at least once during their term.
• Every president since then has done this hilarious event with one exception. Iron’t even need today who it was.
• Biden has dropped a few zingers lately, poking fun at Dumpy’s hair, the dropping stock price of his social media company, selling bubbles and so on. Easy targets, really.
• So I’m anticipating some brutal Dark Brandon vibes tonight. Looking forward to the coverage.
• And now, The Weather: “The Bug” by Crumb
• Speaking of weather, major tornadoes gutted homes as they plowed through Nebraska and Iowa, and the storm threat could escalate today, posing a risk from Michigan to Texas.
• Stay safe, peoples.
• Rest in peace to Mike Pinder, keyboardist and the last surviving founding member of the Moody Blues. He died this week at age 82.
• Pinder was an early proponent of the Mellotron, a keyboard that uses tape loops in the same way a modern sampler uses digital audio files. That instrument helped tie the Moody Blues a distinctive orchestral sound that differentiated them from other bands of their era.
• And, in fact, it was Pinder who introduced the Mellotron to his friend John Lennon, which he used on "Strawberry Fields Forever.”
• From the Sports Desk… I am very happy with the picks my Las Vegas Raiders have made in the NFL draft thus far.
• They took tight end Brock Bowers from Georgia in the first round with the 13th pick, offensive lineman Jackson Powers-Johnson from Oregon (pick 44), offensive lineman Delmar Glaze from Maryland (pick 77), and just now, cornerback Decamerion Richardson from Mississippi State at pick 112.
• I’m perfectly fine with us not having chosen a quarterback. Let Aidan O’Connell and Gardner Minshew battle it out for the starting job.
• The draft, which started Thursday night and is currently in the 4th round, continues through seven rounds today.
• Today in history… Explorer Ferdinand Magellan is killed by natives in the Philippines led by chief Lapulapu (1521). John Milton sells Paradise Lost to a printer for £10, so that it could be entered into the Stationers' Register (1667). American President Abraham Lincoln suspends the writ of habeas corpus (1861). The United Auto Workers (UAW) gains autonomy from the American Federation of Labor (1936). Benito Mussolini is arrested by Italian partisans in Dongo, while attempting escape disguised as a German soldier (1945). John Ehrlichman, a former aide to U.S. President Richard Nixon, is released from the Federal Correctional Institution, Safford, AZ, after serving 18 months for Watergate-related crimes (1978). Xerox PARC introduces the computer mouse (1981). The April 27 demonstrations, student-led protests responding to the April 26 Editorial, during the Tiananmen Square protests of 1989 (1989). The first democratic general election in South Africa in which black citizens could vote (1994). Airbus A380 aircraft has its maiden test flight (2005). Two hundred five tornadoes touched down in the Southeast USA, killing more than 300 and injuring hundreds more (2011).
• April 27 is the birthday of Mughal empress Mumtaz Mahal (1593), feminist philosopher/writer Mary Wollstonecraft (1759), inventor Samuel Morse (1791), US president Ulysses S. Grant (1822), MLB player Rogers Hornsby (1896), poet Cecil Day-Lewis (1904), track and field athlete John Kuck (1905), actor Jack Klugman (1922), activist Coretta Scott King (1927), radio host/voice actor Casey Kasem (1932), NFL coach Chuck Knox (1932), drummer Jim Keltner (1942), singer-songwriter/guitarist Pete Ham (1947), singer-songwriter Kate Pierson (1948), guitarist/songwriter Ace Frehley (1951), NBA player George Gervin (1952), politician Cory Booker (1969), singer Lizzo (1988), and MLB player Corey Seager (1994).

Okay. I’m going to take a shower and figure out what I’m doing with this Saturday. I currently have no idea. Enjoy your day.