Random News: May 15, 2025

DISCLAIMER: Zak's Random News is very random and doesn't cover many things, and not everything may be accurate, because I'm just some guy. Go find a real news source.

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Good morning. It’s May 15, 2025, and it’s a Thursday for some reason. I’m showered and dressed but I still feel half asleep, and there’s too much going on in the world right now to not be awake and alert. The coffee will help.

• I don’t do speculative news here. 365 days per year, there are rumors about things that might happen. Some of them do, and many more don’t.
• But until they actually happen, or there are completely credible sources with direct evidence, it’s pointless to spend time and space here considering the myriad possibilities of the future.
• That being said, I am compelled — for reasons that will become very clear in a moment — to speculate about the next topic.
• In recent days, officials in the state of Minnesota — including Gov. Tim Walz, the Minnesota National Guard, Minneapolis Mayor Jacob Frey, and Hennepin County Sheriff Dawanna Witt — have been making preparations for Donnie Dump to pardon former Minneapolis Police Officer Derek Chauvin for his federal conviction of killing George Floyd.
• I want you to consider why Dump would do this, and what might transpire afterward. And keep in mind, this story is a chess game where you have to think a couple of moves ahead of your opponent.
• Okay. Let’s start the game.
• What does Dumpy want? He wants to not be constrained by the Constitution of the USA. And there are several circumstances where the Constitution and your rights that it provides can be overridden.
• Some of those exceptions include times of massive civil unrest.
• So now, let me ask you what would happen in the USA were the murderer Chauvin be allowed to walk out of jail scot free?
• Obviously, based on historical precedent, we’d expect massive riots in every major city across the country. The justifiable anger of people if Chauvin is set free would make it difficult for large assemblies of people to remain peaceful.
• They’d want to burn the fucking place down. I wouldn’t blame them. I’d feel that way too. I’d want to help.
• And if that happened, Dumpy would be able to get what he really wants. He could use the Insurrection Act of 1807, a U.S. federal law that empowers the President to deploy the military and federalize the National Guard in specific circumstances, such as suppressing civil disorder or insurrection. 
• He could also declare martial law, replacing civilian authority with military rule, and legally suspending civil liberties and legal processes.
• Again, the circumstances for martial law and the suspension of habeas corpus includes times of national emergency, such as war, widespread unrest, or major disasters, where civilian law enforcement is unable to maintain order.
• Continuing our chess game… when would be the best timing for Dumpy to do this to achieve his goals?
• Summertime, baby. School’s out, hot sweaty nights, angry people out in the streets.
• And, much like we saw infamously used during 2020’s BLM protests after Chauvin murdered Floyd, there would be instigators planted within protest groups to start fires, smash windows, and encourage the crowds to act in violent ways that would then pave the way for Dump’s plan to be a success.
• Before we panic, let’s back up for just a second. 
• Chauvin isn’t just a murderer at the federal level; he’s also been convicted by the state of Minnesota for his heinous crime.
• What does that mean? Minnesota Attorney General Ellison says, "He still owes Minnesota 22-and-a-half years. And, he’s going to do it either in Minnesota or somewhere, but he’s not getting out.”
• The apparent plan is that were Dump to pardon Chauvin, the Minnesota Department of Corrections will pick his ass up at a federal penitentiary in Arizona, and bring him back to Oak Park Heights Prison in Minnesota to serve the remainder of his 22-and-a-half-year sentence.
• Let me be clear — as per my message up top, none of this is confirmed. No one from Dump’s team has issued any official statement about pardoning Chauvin.
• Tim Walz said it well: “No indication whether they’re going to do it, or not, but I think it behooves us to be prepared for it. With this presidency, it seems like something they would do.”
• And I think all of us being prepared, and then acting in a way that doesn’t give Dumpy what he wants, is in everyone’s best interests.
• Let’s do some news.
• Today, the Supreme Court is hearing arguments about Dumples the Unconstitutional Clown’s plan to end birthright citizenship and significantly limit the power of federal courts to slow his agenda.
• The emergency SCOTUS appeal asks the 6-3 conservative court to allow the administration to widely enforce an order Dump signed on his first day in office that would deny passports and other documents to children born in the USA to non-US citizens.
• So, it should go without saying that this is the key moment when we find out if the USA remains a democracy as we’ve known it for 249 years.
• And if we’re staying with our system of co-equal branches of government, versus a complete fascist dictatorship.
• Dump, who has railed against individual judges who rule for the people of the USA and for the Constitution, argues that it is the courts that have overstepped their authority by second-guessing an agenda he was elected last year to carry out.
• The 14th Amendment’s guarantee that “all persons born or naturalized in the United States” are citizens was ratified in 1868, a response to the Supreme Court’s infamous Dred Scott decision that held African Americans were not citizens.
• If this far-right Supreme Court rules otherwise, I don’t need to tell you how bad things will get — and how fast.
• Let’s move on for now… but with a look at a case that’s part of the immigration topic.
• Ximena Arias-Cristobal is a 19-year-old Mexican-born Georgia woman who has lived in the U.S. since she was 4.
• Her ordeal began May 5 when Arias-Cristobal was pulled over by police and accused of making an improper turn.
• But dashcam video of the traffic stop showed that the officer meant to stop another vehicle.
• ”After a review of the dash cam video of the traffic stop, it was determined that Ms. Arias-Cristobal’s vehicle appeared similar to the offending vehicle but was not the vehicle that made an improper turn," police said Monday in a news release.
• They dismissed the charge and apologized. But that doesn’t help Arias-Cristobal, who got handed over to Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE). She’s been kept inside an ICE detention center in Georgia ever since.
• And now the college student who has no criminal record is being deported to a country where she hasn’t been since she was four.
• This is America under Dump.
• Moving on.
• Let’s see what’s going on with Dumpy’s alleged "one, big beautiful bill.”
• The House continues pushing it forward as the final committees considered some of the most contentious parts of the major budget package aimed at addressing Dump’s priorities. 
• The Ways and Means, Energy, and Commerce and Agriculture committees began meeting Tuesday to debate and vote on their proposals as Republicans remained divided on a number of major issues — from Medicaid to tax cuts.
• That doesn’t stop them from kissing Dump’s fat ass, of course. None of them have anything resembling a spine.
• Yesterday morning, after a nearly 18-hour markup, the Ways and Means panel — which is responsible for the tax portions of the bill — advanced its portion of the legislation in a 26-19 vote.
• But some of the key sticking points remain unresolved. If it goes through as-is, not a single Republican congressional rep in a blue state will have a job come fall 2026.
• Medicaid is still very much on the chopping block. Again, do NOT act surprised when your parents have to come to you for support for their continuing medical treatments.
• And you can blame Donnie Dump for 100% of what’s going to transpire in your family as a result.
• In other news…
• Heads up to the people of Missouri; they’re trying to kill women’s reproductive freedom in your state again.
• Late yesterday, the Missouri Senate approved a proposal that will place a restrictive abortion referendum on the ballot probably next year, imperiling state constitutional protections for the procedure passed just six months ago.
• Yes, just last fall, a citizen-led measure passed 52 percent to 48 percent after surviving a lengthy court battle. It enshrined in the Missouri Constitution “the right to make and carry out decisions about all matters relating to reproductive health care” up until fetal viability, about 24 weeks.
• Asshole Republican legislators now want to reverse that outcome and are asking Missourians to vote on a new constitutional amendment that would repeal Amendment 3 and ban most abortions except for medical emergencies, rape, and incest.
• To make matters even worse, the Republican amendment says that abortions for rape and incest could only be performed no later than 12 weeks into a pregnancy, and only if the offense was reported to law enforcement prior to the procedure.
• So if a 12-year-old girl gets raped by her uncle and doesn’t tell the cops, she is forced by law to have his baby. That’s what Missouri Republicans wrote in their plan.
• I say you give them a hearty “fuck all the way off” if this makes it to your ballot.
• Let’s move on with another immigration story for you, this one combining my worlds of music performance and the fascist takeover of the USA.
• Members of the Austin, TX rock band Lord Buffalo have been forced to cancel a tour of Europe because their drummer, Yamal Said, was detained by agents from United States Customs and Border Protection (CBP).
• On Monday, Said was forcibly removed from the band’s flight to Europe at Dallas Fort Worth International Airport.
• Said is a Mexican citizen, but is a lawful permanent resident of the United States — aka, a green card holder. His family moved to Austin in the late ’80s, after a devastating earthquake hit Mexico City.
• For two full days, Said was held in custody and the band was not allowed to contact him.
• Let’s do another immigration story, this one with a bit more of an optimistic status.
• Georgetown University researcher Badar Khan Suri has been released from an immigration detention center in Texas, after a federal judge ordered the government to free him immediately.
• Suri, who is an Indian national, is now free to return to his home in Virginia while the legal challenge to his detention continues in court. He is also fighting the Trump administration's attempt to deport him in a separate immigration case in Texas.
• On his way out of the detention center in Texas, Suri said, "There was no charge, there was nothing. They made a sub human out of me.”
• The only solace I take from any of this shit is the awareness that one day we will all see it come crashing down on Dump and anyone who enabled his purposeful cruelty.
• One day in the not-distant future, we will awaken to the greatest headline of our lives.
• Let’s move on with some news from the Health Desk.
• Casey Means, Dump’s new pick for surgeon general, wrote in a recent book that people should consider using unproven psychedelic drugs as therapy and in a newsletter suggested her use of mushrooms helped her find a romantic partner.
• Just pointing out that no matter how you feel about it, psilocybin is illegal under federal law. It’s listed as a Schedule 1 drug, defined as a substance “with no currently accepted medical use and a high potential for abuse.”
• The surgeon general’s job is to provide Americans with the best scientific information available on how to improve their health and reduce their risk of illness and injury.
• Dump said he chose Means for the role solely on the recommendation of Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. “Bobby thought she was fantastic,” said Dumpy, adding that he did not know her.
• Side note: Means never even completed her medical residency, and her medical license is listed as inactive.
• Speaking of Worm Brain…
• When asked if he would vaccinate his children today for measles during a House hearing yesterday, RFK Jr. said "probably," but added he doesn't think people should be taking medical advice from him.
• ”My opinions about vaccines are irrelevant. I don't want to seem like I'm being evasive, but I don't think people should be taking medical advice from me."
• Ummmmm… isn’t that his actual job?
• Kennedy then declined to answer whether he would vaccinate a child against chickenpox and polio.
• Sigh.
• And now, The Weather: “Babybird” by Pillowprince
• Let’s do a chart.
• It’s May 1982, and I am getting toward the end of 8th grade and getting ready to start high school. I am feeling pretty good about myself. I definitely spend too much time obsessing on girls. I’m also starting to steal cigarettes from my parents and drinking beer with my friends.
• I guess that’s mostly normal for that era.
• Here’s the top of the Billboard 200 albums chart at the time.
• 1. Chariots Of Fire (Soundtrack) (Vangelis). 2. Asia (Asia). 3. Beauty And The Beat (Go-Go’s). 4. Success Hasn't Spoiled Me Yet (Rick Springfield). 5. I Love Rock 'n' Roll (Joan Jett & The Blackhearts). 6. Freeze-frame (The J. Geils Band). 7. Get Lucky (Loverboy). 8. Escape (Journey). 9. Always On My Mind (Willie Nelson). 10. Aldo Nova (Aldo Nova). 11. Blackout (Scorpions). 12. Ghost In The Machine (The Police). 13. The Concert In Central Park (Simon And Garfunkel). 14. Mountain Music (Alabama). 15. Dare (The Human League). 16. Picture This (Huey Lewis & The News). 17. Something Special (Kool & The Gang). 18. Bella Donna (Stevie Nicks). 19. Reel Music (The Beatles). 20. Brilliance (Atlantic Starr).
• From the Sports Desk… basketball and hockey playoffs are getting sort of exciting now that we’re honing down the teams that will make it into their respective conference finals.
• In the NBA: the Celtics stayed alive, beating the Knicks 127-102 despite having lost star Jason Tatum to a ruptured achilles in game 4. The Timberwolves — a team far better than most people realized — beat the Warriors 121-110, ending the year for Golden State and moving on to the Western Conference finals.
• In the NHL: the Panthers beat up the Maple Leafs 6-1, and now have a 3-2 advantage in the series. And in a very exciting overtime game, the Oilers beat the Golden Knights 1-0 and sent them packing, winning the series 4-1. Edmonton will be in the Western Conference finals.
• And in more Sports Desk news, the 2025-26 NFL season schedule was unveiled last night.
• Looking at the teams we’ll face, I realistically have my Las Vegas Raiders going 10-7 and probably missing the playoffs, but who knows? It’s almost an entirely different team compared to last year’s.
• Today in history… Anne Boleyn, Queen of England, stands trial in London on charges of treason, adultery and incest; she is condemned to death (1536). Cape Cod is sighted by English navigator Bartholomew Gosnold (1602). Johannes Kepler confirms his previously rejected discovery of the third law of planetary motion (1618). Opening of the first private mental health hospital in the United States, the Asylum for the Relief of Persons Deprived of the Use of Their Reason, now known as Friends Hospital, Philadelphia, PA (1817). The city of Las Vegas is founded in Nevada, United States (1905). In Standard Oil Co. of New Jersey v. United States, the United States Supreme Court declares Standard Oil to be an "unreasonable" monopoly under the Sherman Antitrust Act and orders the company to be broken up (1911). The Winnipeg general strike begins and by 11:00, almost the whole working population of Winnipeg had walked off the job (1919). Richard and Maurice McDonald open the first McDonald's restaurant (1940). Gordon Cooper becomes the first American to spend more than a day in space, and the last American to go into space alone (1963). President Richard Nixon appoints Anna Mae Hays and Elizabeth P. Hoisington the first female United States Army generals (1970). Édith Cresson becomes France's first female Prime Minister (1991). California becomes the second U.S. state after Massachusetts in 2004 to legalize same-sex marriage after the state's own Supreme Court rules a previous ban unconstitutional (2008).
• May 15 is the birthday of preist/astronomer Maximilian Hell (1720), novelist L. Frank Baum (1856), astronomer Williamina Fleming (1857), physicist Pierre Curie (1859), banker/politician Prescott Bush (1895), politician Richard J. Daley (1902), photographer Richard Avedon (1923), painter Jasper Johns (1930), painter Ralph Steadman (1936), US secretary of state Madeleine Albright (1937), singer/guitarist Trini Lopez (1937), songwriter/producer Brian Eno (1948), actor Chazz Palminteri (1952), MLB player George Brett (1953), songwriter/producer Mike Oldfield (1953), MLB player John Smoltz (1967), NFL player Emmitt Smith (1969), NFL player Ray Lewis (1975), NFL player Ryan Leaf (1976), and actress Jamie-Lynn Sigler (1981).

That is plenty of news, and I need to get my day rolling regardless. Don’t despair over this shit; I need you to be focused and strong when the real fight starts… which won’t be long. Enjoy your day.