Random News: May 23, 2025

DISCLAIMER: Zak's Random News is very random and doesn't cover many things, and not everything may be accurate, because I'm just some guy. Go find a real news source.

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Good morning. It’s May 23, 2025, and if you can believe it, it’s a Friday once again! Plus, at least here in the ol’ US of A, it’s the Friday before a holiday weekend. This makes me somewhat gleeful.

• Let’s get things rolling with some breaking news.
• Yesterday, Dumpy revoked Harvard University’s ability to enroll international students, saying thousands of current students must transfer to other schools or leave the country.
• The Department of Homeland Security baselessly stated that Harvard has created an unsafe campus environment by allowing “anti-American, pro-terrorist agitators” to assault Jewish students on campus.
• And without offering any evidence, DHS also accused Harvard of coordinating with the Chinese communist party.
• What a fucking joke. One of the best things about Harvard through its long existence has been bringing the best and brightest minds around the world to study in the USA, and then help contribute to our success.
• Harvard enrolls almost 6,800 foreign students at its campus in Cambridge, Massachusetts, accounting for more than a quarter of its student body.
• So what do you think happened next?
• This morning, Harvard University announced it is suing the Dump administration, escalating this dispute between Dumpy’s shitty White House and one of the world’s most prestigious institutions.
• In the suit filed in Boston, the university called the administration's actions a "blatant violation" of the law.
• Can you imagine the legal team that fucking Harvard can put together? I hope they prove that Dump has inflicted damages in the range of billions and find him personally liable.
• I’d enjoy that. Let’s move on with a different story in the education realm.
• Yesterday, Judge Myong Joun blocked the Dump administration's attempted dismantling of the Department of Education.
• Dumpy is now blocked from carrying out the reduction-in-force at the Education Department, which was announced on March 11. Joun also blocked transferring the management of federal student loans and special education functions out of the Education Department.
• This keeps getting better. All fired federal employees from the department must be reinstated as well.
• "Indeed, prior to the RIF, the Department was already struggling to meet its goals, so it is only reasonable to expect that an RIF of this magnitude will likely cripple the Department. The idea that Defendants' actions are merely a 'reorganization' is plainly not true," Joun wrote in his decision.
• Dumpy must be apoplectic, having long set his sights on dismantling the Department of Education, saying when he nominated Linda McMahon to head the department that he hoped she would "put herself out of a job."
• Sorry Linda. Get your ass to work.
• Moving on but still in related news…
• Yesterday, District Judge Jeffrey S. White blocked the Dump administration from terminating the legal status of international students nationwide while a court case challenging previous terminations is pending.
• The order bars the government from arresting, incarcerating, or moving students elsewhere based on their legal status until the case is resolved.
• White said the government’s actions “wreaked havoc not only on the lives of Plaintiffs here but on similarly situated F-1 nonimmigrants across the United States and continues do so.”
• This is why we resist. We’re the ones with the laws of the USA on our side. Each of these victories against the evil Dump regime takes away another small portion of his power.
• Think of them like Voldemort’s horcruxes.
• Moving on to some less fortunate news.
• Yesterday, the Supreme Court declined to reinstate independent agency board members fired by Dump. I’m actually not very surprised.
• The court’s action essentially extended an order Chief Justice John Roberts issued in April that had the effect of removing two board members whom Dump fired from agencies that deal with labor issues.
• How does this help Dump ruin America? Because these agencies don’t have enough appointed members to take final actions on issues before them, as Dump has purposefully not sought to appoint replacements.
• Yesterday’s decision keeps on hold an appellate ruling that had temporarily reinstated Gwynne Wilcox to the National Labor Relations Board and Cathy Harris to the Merit Systems Protection Board.
• The court’s three liberal justices dissented. Thank God for those three women and their efforts, even when they’re outnumbered by assholes.
• Moving on to a better court story.
• Judge Susan Illston has extended her freeze on Dumples the Inept Clown's plan for mass layoffs and reorganizations at 22 federal agencies until a lawsuit against his administration is resolved, saying that Dumpy “likely must” seek approval from Congress before carrying out such widespread changes.
• It extends a two-week reprieve granted May 9 and means 22 federal agencies will be forced to pause plans to lay off employees and reorganize while the remainder of the case plays out.
• Ha ha, you sad sack of shit.
• Moving on with some happy follow-up news to a story we reported previously.
• Ximena Arias Cristobal is free. The Georgia teenager who was detained by federal deportation officers following local traffic charges that have since been dismissed was released from immigration custody late yesterday.
• Arias Cristobal, 19, was released by ICE one day after an immigration judge granted her bond. She was picked up by family friends at a detention facility in Lumpkin, GA and return to her home in Dalton overnight.
• Arias Cristobal, who came to the U.S. from Mexico when she was 4, had been in ICE custody for weeks.
• Let’s move on to some news from the Business Desk.
• Here’s a new saying for you: Cancel DEI, and business will die.
• Just ask Target, who slashed its financial outlook for the year as it reported weaker-than-expected earnings amid tariff uncertainty and customer pullbacks — tied not only to a challenging economic environment but to a backlash against the company’s decision to end certain diversity, equity, and inclusion programs.
• Target’s net sales slumped 2.8 percent to $23.8 billion in the first quarter, with foot traffic and sales in its brick-and-mortar stores declining. The retail titan now expects a “low single-digit decline” in sales for the fiscal year; it previously forecast 1 percent growth.
• I will say that early in the year, even before DEI-related boycotts started, average daily visits to Target’s brick-and-mortar stores fell more than 4 percent by the end of February compared with the same period in 2024
• But Walmart’s daily visits climbed more than 7 percent overall during that period.
• And then activists, civil rights figures, and faith leaders began an “economic blackout” in late February of some major brands over a perceived retreat from DEI programs. Comparable store sales sank 5.7 percent year-over-year in the first quarter.
• Don’t fucking tell me boycotts don’t work. Don’t tell me activism is pointless. Everything we’re doing has a huge impact.
• Resist!
• Let’s move on.
• Goodbye to the penny. Dump’s Treasury Department has placed its last order for blank pennies and plans to stop minting the one-cent coins as soon as that's exhausted.
• Each penny costs nearly four cents to produce, so the move is expected to result in immediate savings of $56 million a year. Shrug.
• This had been on the table for a long time. Canada, New Zealand, and Australia have also eliminated their one-cent coins.
• Obviously, pennies will remain legal tender — more than a billion dollar's worth are in circulation. Most are rarely used; I can’t remember the last time I used a penny to actually pay for anything. I was probably 12.
• Fun Fact: minting nickels is also a money-loser for the government, since the five-cent coins cost about 14 cents each.
• In more money news, this morning Dumpy decided — probably while taking a shit on a gold toilet while looking at his phone — to put a 50% tariff on the European Union after complaining that trade negotiations have stalled.
• And Dump’s announcement came less than 30 minutes after he threatened to impose a tariff of at least 25% on Apple’s iPhones if the company did not start manufacturing them in the United States.
• Apple will never manufacture iPhones in the USA; they would cost about $3,000 if they did.
• So of course, U.S. stock futures sank immediately following Dumpy’s little announcements.
• And now, The Weather: “Danger in Fives” by Wombo
• From the Sports Desk… more basketball and hockey playoff news.
• In game 2 of the NBA’s Western Conference finals, the Thunder continue to look like a mismatch against the Timberwolves, wining handily 188-103. They’re up 2-0 in the series.
• In game 2 of the NHL’s Eastern Conference finals, the Panthers annihilated the Hurricanes with a 5-0 shutout. They’re up 2-0 in that series.
• Today in history… Joan of Arc is captured at the Siege of Compiègne (1430). South Carolina ratifies the United States Constitution as the eighth American state (1788). Accordion patent granted to Cyrill Demian in Vienna, Austrian Empire (1829). A merchant of Shiraz announces that he is a Prophet and founds a religious movement that would be considered to be a forerunner of the Baháʼí Faith (1844). The Canadian Parliament establishes the North-West Mounted Police, the forerunner of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police (1873). The New York Public Library is dedicated (1911). American bank robbers Bonnie and Clyde are ambushed by police and killed in Bienville Parish, LA (1934). The first version of the Java programming language is released (1995). Anthony Albanese of the Australian Labor Party is sworn in as the 31st Prime Minister of Australia after winning the 2022 Australian federal election, ending 9 years of conservative rule (2022).
• May 23 is the birthday of botanist Carl Linnaeus (1707), religious leader `Abdu’l-Bahá (1844), activist Isabella Ford (1855), actor Douglas Fairbanks (1883), actor Scatman Crothers (1910), bandleader Artie Shaw (1910), singer/acress Rosemary Clooney (1928), actress Joan Collins (1933), engineer Robert Moog (1934), composer Michel Colombier (1939), chess player Anatoly Karpov (1951), boxer Marvin Hagler (1954), MLB player/;manager Buck Showalter (1956),  journalist Mitch Albom (1958), actor/TV host Drew Carey (1958), musician Jewel (1974), and NFL player Aaron Donald (1991).

I suppose we’ll wrap this up for now. My plans over the weekend include some more work on the new song I started last Sunday. I’ll even tell you the title: it’s “Sweet Aphrodite.” Now you know. Enjoy your day.