Random News: August 13, 2025

DISCLAIMER: Zak's Random News is very random and doesn't cover many things, and not everything may be accurate, because I'm just some guy. Go find a real news source.

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Good morning. It’s August 13, 2025, and it’s a Wednesday. It's noticeably darker in the mornings now as sunrise gets later. Everyone romantically talks about the long days of summer, but in reality, days get shorter from June 21 onward. I believe that August is the month — at lease here in the northern hemisphere where 90% of we humans live — that has the greatest variance of daylight between the month’s start and its end.

• Let’s jump into the news.
• Yesterday, some of the 800 National Guard members deployed by Dumpy for (checks notes) no reason at all began arriving as police and federal officials took the first steps in an uneasy partnership to reduce crime in what Dump called — without substantiation — a lawless city.
• Let’s talk about that for a moment. Perhaps there are indeed cities with such a high crime rate that calling in additional help would be warranted. Let’s see…
• Anniston, Alabama has an astoundingly high violent crime rate of 3,434 per 100,000. The city of Bessemer in the same state is at 2,900 per 100,000. How about West Memphis, Arkansas? It’s at 2,297 per 100,000. And Monroe, Louisiana experiences violent crime at 2,100 per 100,000.
• Washington, D.C.? 948 per 100,000.
• The highest rape occurrences in major U.S. cities? New Orleans, LA, Anchorage, AK, Cleveland, OH.
• The highest murder rates? That’s St. Louis, MO, Baltimore, MD, and Detroit, MI.
• Overall, D.C. is down at #25 in total violent crime, behind these cities above as well as places like Memphis, TN, Kansas City, MO, Milwaukee, WI, Stockton, CA, Houston, TX, and Tulsa, OK.
• Why isn’t Dump sending in the National Guard to those places first? Ask yourself that question.
• Crime in D.C. has fallen dramatically for the past two years. Mayor Muriel Bowser doesn’t have much choice other than to work alongside the federal officials and military members that Dump has tasked with taking over the city.
• She still insists that D.C.’s police chief remains in charge of the department and its officers. Hopefully that remains the case. But as we mentioned previously, the law gives the federal government more sway over the capital city than in U.S. states, and Bowser said her administration’s ability to push back is limited.
• She’s right.
• Let’s circle back to Dumpy’s other big reason for calling in the National Guard: he hates poor people and being reminded that they exist, so he thinks our military should be tasked with “removing” the homeless citizens of our nation’s capital.
• Yesterday, the White House said that homeless people in D.C. will be either forced into shelters or subject to fines and jail time.
• As usual, our guy Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT) said it well. “Instead of forcibly "removing the homeless" from DC as Trump wants to do, we need to build millions of affordable housing units in America. Instead of giving tax breaks to Wall Street billionaires who are buying up housing & jacking up rent, we need to put a cap on rent prices.”
• Funny how Dump doesn’t want to address the root of the housing crisis in the USA, because that would upset his wealthy friends and benefactors.
• All he cares about is pushing people out of his line of sight, shoving them so far to the margins of society that he’s no longer reminded that it’s his responsibility to care for those people as much as he does any billionaire.
• And I should note that none of this shit distracts us from the real reason all this is happening: to try and distract the American people from the fact that Donnie Dump is a pedophile who raped 13-year-old girls along with his pal, Jeffrey Epstein.
• We will not forget. September is coming.
• Moving on.
• Dumpy’s summit with Russian President Vladimir Putin in Alaska doesn’t happen until Friday, but it’s already being hailed as a personal victory for the Russian leader.
• Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky wasn’t invited to the meeting that will determine the fate of his own country. Meanwhile, Russia has laughed at Dump’s demands, and instead of pulling back, they’ve ramped up their assault on Ukraine’s eastern front.
• Putin and all of Russia think Dump and the USA are weak and scared. Dump has done literally nothing to pressure Putin to end his takeover of the neighboring European country.
• And Dumpy? How confident is he going up against Putin in this historic moment?
• Not very. This week he appeared to be lowering expectations for the Alaska summit, calling it a “feel-out meeting” to “see what he has in mind.”
• Dump told reporters on Monday, “Probably in the first two minutes, I’ll know exactly whether or not a deal can be made.”
• He’ll pussy out and do whatever Putin wants. It would be great for America to have a strong leader at a time like this, but instead we have a whiny scared elderly guy who literally has to have a gold toilet to take a shit.
• Let’s move on.
• I would be remiss to not note my governor’s S-tier trolling of the Dumpster.
• Gavin Newsom’s official press account has been doing a series of social media posts in regard to California’s congressional redistricting plan (in response to Texas doing the same, at Dump’s encouragement) where he’s perfectly imitating the communication style of the Orange Menace.
• Newsom’s final post from yesterday was a fucking classic.
• DONALD "TACO" TRUMP, AS MANY CALL HIM, "MISSED" THE DEADLINE!!! CALIFORNIA WILL NOW DRAW NEW, MORE "BEAUTIFUL MAPS," THEY WILL BE HISTORIC AS THEY WILL END THE TRUMP PRESIDENCY (DEMS TAKE BACK THE HOUSE!). BIG PRESS CONFERENCE THIS WEEK WITH POWERFUL DEMS AND GAVIN NEWSOM — YOUR FAVORITE GOVERNOR — THAT WILL BE DEVASTATING FOR "MAGA." THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER! - GN
• Get familiar with Newsom, if you have yet to do so. All current signs point to him becoming our 48th President.
• Moving on.
• An update from the Immigration Desk…
• Yesterday, U.S. Federal Judge Lewis Kaplan ordered immigration authorities to immediately improve conditions at a New York City facility following reports of overcrowding, inadequate food, and unhygienic conditions.
• Kaplan issued a temporary restraining order that mandated Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) to implement reforms at 26 Federal Plaza, a government building in Manhattan where one floor contains holding cells for migrants and asylum seekers.
• The restraining order requires the government to limit capacity at the holding facility, ensure cleanliness and provide sleeping mats. Under Kaplan’s order, the government will be forced to thoroughly clean the cells three times a day and provide adequate supplies of soap, towels, toilet paper, toothbrushes, toothpaste, and feminine products.
• He also instructed immigration officials to allocate 50 square feet per person, shrinking the capacity of the largest room from 40 or more detainees to 15.
• Can one person make a difference in many people’s lives? All of these changes came in response to a complaint filed by Peruvian asylum-seeker Sergio Alberto Barco Mercado, who was taken into custody on August 8 after appearing for a scheduled court date.
• He testified that the holding room was “extremely crowded” and “smelled of sewage” and that the conditions exacerbated a tooth infection that swelled his face and altered his speech.
• He also stated that, “We did not always get enough water. There was one guard who would sometimes hold a bottle of water up and people would wait to have him squirt some into our mouths, like we were animals.”
• This is not how we treat fellow human beings. It’s disgusting. When all the news eventually comes out about these detention centers and concentration camps, you will have trouble maintaining your pride at being an American citizen.
• Let’s move on.
• I’m sure you all remember that Qatar just up and gave Dumpy a personal aircraft worth hundreds of millions of dollars earlier this year.
• The plane will allegedly be converted into being the country’s new “Air Force One” and the Dumpster claims it will be ready for use in February 2026.
• Dumpy has already stated that he will own the plane personally after he leaves office. We have many specific laws against presidents receiving valuable gifts from foreign nations. Those are being unilaterally ignored.
• Former defense officials and aviation analysts are expressing deep skepticism about how realistic Dump’s timeline is, citing the immense task of upgrading a foreign government’s plane to meet Air Force One’s distinct requirements and ensuring it is safe and secure for a president to fly on, especially internationally.
• And beyond the timeline concerns, the plan to use a donated Boeing 747-8 from Qatar poses a lot of questions and has drawn bipartisan scrutiny. Many are skeptical of the legality and ethics of accepting such a gift. Others are worried about the threat to security, based on how much goes into a jet fit for the leader of the United States.
• Richard Aboulafia, a defense management consultant, said it well. “It is absolutely going to be ready to start flying in February… and instantly transmitting every onboard conversation to anybody around the world who has a connection to it.”
• Jesus.
• Moving on.
• Been awhile since we mentioned the world’s biggest man-baby, Elon Musk.
• Elmo says he plans to sue Apple for not featuring X and its Grok artificial intelligence chatbot app in its top recommended apps in its App Store.
• Musk went on to say that "Apple is behaving in a manner that makes it impossible for any AI company besides OpenAI to reach #1 in the App Store, which is an unequivocal antitrust violation. xAI will take immediate legal action."
• He gave no further details. What a whiny bitch. I'll note that as of yesterday, the top app in Apple's App Store was TikTok, followed by Tinder, Duolingo, YouTube, and Bumble. Open AI's ChatGPT was ranked seventh.
• In other news…
• Have you driven a Ford lately?
• Perhaps not, but even less people will be after the company announced a recall of more than 103,000 F-150 pickup trucks over an issue with the vehicles' axle hub bolts.
• What’s the issue? Well, it can cause the vehicle to roll away when the parking brake is not applied or cause a loss of driver power. 
• That’s a problem. Maybe make sure your F-150 isn’t afflicted… the recall affects certain F-150 trucks produced between January 2023, and May 2025.
• Moving on.
• Been awhile since we did some Dumbass News.
• American teen influencer Ethan Guo has been stuck in a remote location of Antarctica since June.
• I suppose his intentions might have been good. Guo was trying to become the youngest person to fly solo to all seven continents, and the trip also aimed to raise $1 million for childhood cancer research.
• And, just maybe, to get more clicks and views.
• In any case, Guo was never authorized to fly to Antarctica. He provided fake flight plan data to get to a Chilean-claimed island of the continent. Once there, he was detained at the airport and then charged with handing false information to ground control and landing without authorization.
• Maybe my prejudices are showing here, but when I see the words “American teen influencer,” I’m already preparing myself for some level of idiocy.
• And now, The Weather: “Beam Me Up” by Alex G
• An RIP that I’d been meaning to do for a few days. This one goes out to Eddie Palmieri, the avant-garde musician who was one of the most innovative artists of rumba and Latin jazz. He died recently at 88.
• The pianist, composer, and bandleader was the first Latino to win a Grammy Award. He’d go on to win seven more over a career that spanned nearly 40 albums.
• My favorite quote from him was when a reporter asked him if he had anything important left to do in music. He replied, “Learning to play the piano well. Being a piano player is one thing. Being a pianist is another."
• Most people think of this as some kind of joke, or a man being unnecessarily humble. But ask any musician about this.
• When legendary cellist Pablo Casals was asked why, at age 95, he still practiced six hours a day, he answered, "Because I think I'm making progress.”
• No matter what you do, as long as your disabilities prevent you from continuing your path, you can always improve at whatever you do. I am a better writer now than I ever was, and I genuinely think my guitar abilities right now — after playing the silly thing for nearly 50 years — are as good or better than they ever were.
• I have another RIP, unfortunately, going out to Danielle Spencer, the wisecracking and tattling little sister Dee Thomas on the 1970s sitcom “What’s Happening!!”
• She died on Monday at 60 from cancer. After acting, Spencer had a successful carrier as a veterinarian.
• That show, which ran from 1976-1979, was truly funny, and was among the first on television to focus on the lives of Black teenagers.
• Let’s do a chart.
• It’s August 1984, and I am 15 years old, and heading into my junior year of high school. I am playing guitar and keyboards in a local rock band, I am dating a series of girls, and also behaving badly with drug and alcohol use and skipping class.
• What a little asshole. Here’s the top of the Billboard 200 albums chart at the time.
• 1. Purple Rain (Soundtrack) (Prince And The Revolution). 2. Born In The U.S.A. (Bruce Springsteen). 3. Sports (Huey Lewis & the News). 4. Victory (Jacksons). 5. Can't Slow Down (Lionel Richie). 6. Heartbeat City (The Cars). 7. Out Of The Cellar (Ratt). 8. Ghostbusters (Soundtrack). 9. Breakin' (Soundtrack). 10. 1984 (Van Halen). 11. Rebel Yell (Billy Idol). 12. Eliminator (ZZ Top). 13. Private Dancer (Tina Turner). 14. Footloose (Soundtrack). 15. Midnight Madness (Night Ranger). 16. Break Out (The Pointer Sisters). 17. Seven And The Ragged Tiger (Duran Duran). 18. Beat Street (Soundtrack). 19. Love At First Sting (Scorpions). 20. Camouflage (Rod Stewart).
• From the Sports Desk… the bane of NFL preseason injuries continues, and this time it’s a pretty crucial player involved.
• Green Bay Packers starting quarterback Jordan Love had surgery yesterday to repair a ligament injury to his left thumb. However, the Packers believe he’ll be ready for their season opener on Sunday September 7 against Detroit.
• Love suffered the injury during Saturday's preseason opener against the New York Jets. It happened on Love's last play, when he was sacked by Jets defensive tackle Jay Tufele. Preseason is evil, I tell you.
• Taking a look at very silly (and way too early) NFL power rankings, this time via NFL Spin Zone. Apparently it’s taking into account the first week of preseason games.
• It honestly looks completely kooky to me. The Broncos are better than the Chiefs? The Bucs better than the Packers? Okay there, buddy.
• 1. Baltimore Ravens. 2. Buffalo Bills. 3. Philadelphia Eagles. 4. Los Angeles Rams. 5. Denver Broncos. 6. Washington Commanders. 7. Kansas City Chiefs. 8. Tampa Bay Buccaneers. 9. Los Angeles Chargers. 10. Minnesota Vikings. 11. Houston Texans. 12. Green Bay Packers. 13. Detroit Lions. 14. Cincinnati Bengals. 15. Miami Dolphins. 16. Arizona Cardinals. 17. New England Patriots. 18. Dallas Cowboys. 19. Pittsburgh Steelers. 20. San Francisco 49ers. 21. Chicago Bears. 22. Atlanta Falcons. 23. Seattle Seahawks. 24. Las Vegas Raiders. 25. New York Jets. 26. New York Giants. 27. Jacksonville Jaguars. 28. Carolina Panthers. 29. Indianapolis Colts. 30. Cleveland Browns. 31. Tennessee Titans. 32. New Orleans Saints.
• Today in history… Octavian holds a triumph in Rome for the victory over Dalmatian tribes (29 BC). Maurice becomes Emperor of the Byzantine Empire (582). Cortés conquers Tenochtitlan after a long siege (1521). Buddhist monks from Kyoto burn down the temples (1536). Louis XIII appoints Richelieu as Prime Minister (1624). Louis XVI is arrested as an enemy of the people (1792). Massive 8.5-9.0 earthquake strikes Peru, killing 25,000+ and creating a massive tsunami (1868). Norway ends its union with Sweden (1905). Women enlist in the US Marine Corps, with the first female Marine being Opha May Johnson (1918). A public company is established in Germany called Bayerische Motoren Werke AG, later shortened to BMW (1918). Construction of facilities for the "Development of Substitute Materials" project, better known as the Manhattan Project, begins (1942). Apollo 11 astronauts get a ticker tape parade in NYC and are given the Presidential Medal of Freedom by Nixon that night in Los Angeles (1969). Israel–United Arab Emirates relations are formally established (2020).
• August 13 is the birthday of physicist Anders Jonas Ångström (1814), abolitionist/suffragist Lucy Stone (1818), activist Leonora Barry (1849), target shooter Annie Oakley (1860), engineer John Logie Baird (1888), actor Bert Lahr (1895), director Alfred Hitchcock (1899), engineer Felix Wankel (1902), golfer Ben Hogan (1912), politician Fidel Castro (1926), singer/ukulele player Don Ho (1930), admiral/physician Joycelyn Elders (1933), NHL player Bobby Clarke (1949), singer-songwriter/guitarist Dan Fogelberg (1951), photographer Herb Ritts (1952), actor Danny Bonaduce (1959), CIA agent Valerie Plame (1963), figure skater Midori Ito (1969), NHL player Marty Turco (1975), politician Sarah Huckabee Sanders (1982), actor Sebastian Stan (1982), and NBA player DeMarcus Cousins (1990).

That’s all I’ve got for now. Enjoy your day.