Random News: August 7, 2025

DISCLAIMER: Zak's Random News is very random and doesn't cover many things, and not everything may be accurate, because I'm just some guy. Go find a real news source.

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Good morning. It’s August 7, 2025, and it’s a Thursday for some reason. But why is it called Thursday? The day is named after the Old English god Thunor — also known as Thor, the Germanic god of thunder. He’s the equivalent of the Roman god Jupiter, which is why in Romance languages, today is called Jueves (Spanish) or Jeudi (French) or Giovedì (Italian). Now you know this.

• Let’s do some news.
• Get ready to pay a lot more money for a lot more things. Dump’s horrible tariff tax plan kicked in at the stroke of midnight.
• I shouldn’t have to remind you that other countries don’t pay tariffs. You do. Every time a tariff is added, it’s another tax on you, paid via higher retail prices.
• Goods from nations with which the U.S. does hundreds of billions of dollars of trade, such as India, Switzerland, and South Africa, will see new taxes of up to 39 percent, with India’s rate set to jump to 50 percent in three weeks.
• And Dump isn’t done making it harder and harder for you to afford to live in the USA.
• Yesterday, he announced that he will impose a 100% tariff on computer chips, raising the specter of higher prices for electronics, autos, household appliances, and other essential products dependent on the processors powering the digital age.
• “We’ll be putting a tariff of approximately 100% on chips and semiconductors,” said Dump, not knowing what the words “chips” or “semiconductors” mean.
• Obviously, companies who manufacture computer chips in the U.S. would be spared the import tax. But I think we all understand that those chips are inherently far more expensive than imported versions, so prices go up, up, up regardless.
• There are reasons, for example, why the Apple Mac computers I rely on for the business and creative work I do are more expensive than your Windows-based PCs. Apple has made huge financial commitments to manufacture more chips and other components in the U.S..
• But, of course, their iPhones and iPads are made in China and India. But it seems like Apple already did some backroom deal with Dump in that regard. Tim Cook was literally standing alongside Dump while the announcement was made.
• Business leaders have the guy figured out. Just pay him his bribe and he’ll put whatever laws in place that bets benefit his own wealth.
• Let’s move on to some important news from the Fascism Desk…
• With preparations for the 2030 census already underway, Dumpy said yesterday he has instructed his administration to start work on a "new" census.
• In this “new” census, Dump also called for an unprecedented exclusion of millions of people living in the U.S. without legal status.
• Our own Constitution forbids this. The 14th Amendment requires the "whole number of persons in each state" to be included in a key set of census numbers used to determine how presidents and members of Congress are elected.
• Dumples the Giant Orange Asshole Clown said he's instructed the Commerce Department, which oversees the Census Bureau, to "immediately begin work" on a census using "the results and information gained from the Presidential Election of 2024." It's unclear why the election results would matter to the census.
• While Article I of the Constitution has required a census every 10 years since 1790 for the once-a-decade redistribution of congressional seats, it's not clear whether the results of a census taken years before 2030 can be used for reapportioning each state's share of seats in the U.S. House of Representatives and votes in the Electoral College. 
• If you’re smart, you can see where this is going: Dump intends to manipulate the census numbers to work in his favor.
• He actually tried this before (and failed).
• During his first administration, the Supreme Court ultimately stopped a question about a person's U.S. citizenship status from being added to 2020 census forms.
• However, it declined to rule on whether people without legal status can be, for the first time in U.S. history, excluded by the president from apportionment counts.
• I wouldn’t be shocked if Dump tries to ram through some bullshit illegal pseudo-census to change things for next year’s midterm elections.
• Let’s move on with some related fascist shit.
• A leaked draft is showing that the Dump administration is planning to eliminate or downplay accounts of prisoner abuse, corruption, LGBTQ+ discrimination, and other alleged abuses in countries including El Salvador, Israel, and Russia.
• Fucking pricks. 
• U.S. diplomats have compiled the State Department’s annual human rights reports for almost 50 years. Their findings are considered the most thorough and wide-ranging of their kind and are routinely relied upon by courts inside and outside the United States.
• Under competent and just administrations, the human rights reports are congressionally mandated to be sent to lawmakers by the end of February, with a public release in March or April.
• But the State Department is yet to officially release this year’s reports, which cover activities and observations made in 2024.
• Most of this year’s reports were nearly completed when the Biden administration transitioned out in January. Why the delay?
• The drafts for El Salvador and Russia are marked “finalized,” while the draft for Israel is marked “quality check.” Metadata in the documents show they were all edited in the past few days.
• More alarming, the updated drafts strike all references to LGBTQ+ individuals or crimes against them, and the descriptions of government abuses that do remain have been softened.
• They changed El Salvador from having “significant human rights issues” there — including government-sanctioned killings, instances of torture, and “harsh and life-threatening prison conditions” — to saying the country has “no credible reports of significant human rights abuses.”
• Long story short: what’s obvious is that the U.S. can’t formally criticize other countries for things that we ourselves are doing here, or that Dump plans to do here in the near future.
• Moving on still but in the same file of fascism…
• The official U.S. government website posted a revised version of the U.S. Constitution, with several sections of Article 1 removed entirely.
• Large parts of Section 8 have been removed, and Sections 9 and 10 have been deleted altogether. These sections largely relate to the powers that Congress has and does not have, as well as limitations on the powers of individual states.
• The last two parts of Article I relates to prohibiting the name of nobility titles, and prohibiting foreign emoluments for US officials. Those were removed entirely. Maybe Dumpy is getting a bit paranoid about the money and gifts he illegally extorts from other countries.
• And perhaps worst of all, the missing sections include information relating to habeas corpus, the powers that protect citizens from unlawful detention. 
• What’s the excuse? The Library of Congress said the sections were missing “due to a coding error” and expect it to be “resolved soon.”
• They would not comment on what caused the coding error, or how it was introduced.
• As you should all be fully aware, changing the U.S. Constitution’s text on the website does not change or have any effect on U.S. law, but many of the things lost in the “glitch” follow Dump admin fascist plans, including senior official Stephen Miller’s threats earlier this year to suspend habeas corpus.
• Keep your eyes on everything these assholes do. Intentionally or otherwise, they’ll tip their hand nearly every time. And as I’ve said before, when they say they’re going to do some shit, believe them.
• Moving on.
• Let’s lighten the mood, sort of, by unveiling our Asshole of the Day. It’s U.S. Rep. Cory Mills (R-FL), who represents central Florida.
• Mills is accused by a beauty pageant titleholder of threatening to release sex vids and pics of her after she ended their romantic relationship.
• What an asshole. No charges have been filed yet. Mills was married when he met the woman, who was 21 at the time. Mills is 20 years older than her.
• She broke up with him after finding out about yet another girlfriend. Afterwards, the congressman contacted her numerous times, threatening to release nude images of her, and videos of her and Mills engaging in sex acts.
• And then he threatened to harm any men that the woman planned to date in the future.
• Nice guy, huh? Mills was first elected to Congress in 2022, and his district stretches from the Orlando area to the Daytona Beach area.
• Let’s move on.
• Big Balls was badly beaten. Now Dump wants to take over D.C. Perhaps I should clarify.
• If you’re not familiar, “Big Balls” is the sobriquet of one Edward Coristine, one of the most prominent members of Elon Musk’s DOGE team. The 19-year-old had been in charge of slashing benefits that help millions of Americans.
• I’m not kidding. This is all true.
• Anyway, at about 3am, Big Balls got jumped by a bunch of 15-year-olds in D.C.’s Logan Circle neighborhood. They tried to carjack him. Apparently at least one of them was a girl. They were not armed; Big Balls just got his ass beaten.
• So because of his precious little Big Balls being beaten, Dump stated, “If D.C. doesn’t get its act together, and quickly, we will have no choice but to take Federal control of the City.”
• Dump said he was considering federalizing the D.C. police department and bringing in the National Guard “maybe very quickly.”
• D.C.’s lack of statehood has made it uniquely vulnerable to federal intervention. The Metropolitan Police Department said its investigation into the attack on Big Balls remains active and additional suspects are still being sought in addition to the two 15-year-olds who were caught.
• And now, The Weather: “little dog” by Retail Drugs
• From the Sports Desk… this weekend will mark a historic event in Major League Baseball, when the first woman to umpire in MLB will work games between the Miami Marlins and Atlanta Braves.
• Jen Pawol will work the bases in Saturday's doubleheader at Truist Park and the plate on Sunday. A 48-year-old from New Jersey. Pawol attended Hofstra University, where she played softball. She worked spring training games in 2024 and this year.
• That’s cool, and long overdue. It’s good to see.
• Still, the amount of fucking vile sexist comments that came along with the announcement made me lose a little faith in humanity. So many men are pieces of fucking shit. “Will she make me a sandwich between innings?”
• I have to assume most of those guys had terrible (or absent) fathers.
• Today in history… coronation of King Otto I of Germany (936). George Washington orders the creation of the Badge of Military Merit, later renamed the Purple Heart (1782). The US Department of War is created (1789). The first women do a road trip from New York to San Francisco (1909). The WWII Battle of Guadalcanal begins (1942). Jimmy Carter declares a federal emergency over toxic waste at Love Canal (1978). The first American soldiers arrive in Saudi Arabia in the Gulf War (1990). Space Shuttle Discovery STS-85 launches (1997). Barry Bonds breaks the all-time home run record (2007). 
• August 7 is the birthday of Hungarian aristocrat/serial killer Elizabeth Báthory (1560), activist/labor leader Elizabeth Gurley Flynn (1890), paleontologist Louis Leakey (1903), MLB player Don Larsen (1929), saxophonist/composer Rahsaan Roland Kirk (1935), humorist Garrison Keillor (1942), singer-songwriter B. J. Thomas (1942), singer-songwriter Bruce Dickinson (1958), actor David Duchovny (1960), entrepreneur Jimmy Wales (1966), MLB player Édgar Rentería (1975), actress Charlize Theron (1975), NFL player Shane Lechler (1976), actor Cirroc Lofton (1978), actress Abbie Cornish, (1982), NHL player Sidney Crosby (1987), NBA player DeMar DeRozan (1989), MLB player Mike Trout (1991), NFL player Kyler Murray (1997), and NFL player Jalen Hurts (1998).

There we go. A bunch of news. This post-vacation week for me has been 100% insane thus far in terms of catching up with work, but today’s the first day I feel like I’m somewhat ahead of the race instead of chasing from behind, so that’s a preferable situation. Enjoy your day.