Random News: May 16, 2024

DISCLAIMER: Zak's Random News is very random and doesn't cover many things, and not everything may be accurate, because I'm just some guy. Go find a real news source.

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Good morning. It’s May 16, 2024, and it’s a Thursday for some reason. I’ve got my coffee, I’ve sat down in my chair, let’s take a look at the stuff out there. Side note before you start… I have so much shit to tell you today that you might want to get a second cup before reading. Ready? Okay, let’s go.

• I’ve got some news from the Supreme Court that is… good?
• Yesterday they ordered Louisiana to hold congressional elections in 2024 using a House map with a second mostly Black district, despite a lower-court ruling that called the map an illegal racial gerrymander.
• The ACLU praised the decision, pointing out that Louisiana’s previous map with only one majority-Black district violated the Voting Rights Act. They say it’s a victory for voting rights.
• The order allows the use of a map that has majority Black populations in two of the state’s six congressional districts, potentially boosting Democrats’ chances of gaining control of the House in the 2024 elections.
• The new map, notably, does not endanger the safe districts for Republicans House Speaker Mike Johnson or Majority Leader Steve Scalise.
• So which evil SCOTUS justices voted against this? The court’s three liberals. Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson wrote that the judges who struck down the latest map should have had the chance to produce a new map before the high court intervened.
• So, that’s how it stands for now.
• In other surprisingly good SCOTUS news, this morning the Supreme Court rejected a conservative-led attack that could have undermined the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau.
• The justices ruled 7-2 that the way the agency is funded does not violate the Constitution, reversing a lower court. The CFPB was created after the 2008 financial crisis to regulate mortgages, car loans, and other consumer finance.
• The CFPB was the brainchild of Senator Elizabeth Warren (D-MA), and has long been opposed by Republicans and their financial backers.
• Ha ha, fuckers.
• Moving on.
• Yesterday, we made a brief mention of the planned debates between Joe Biden and Donald “El Dumpo” Trump that are now scheduled for June and September.
• I’ve already compared my desire to watch these two elderly men speak in public versus jamming a rusty fork into my eyeball, and the fork is so far winning.
• Both Biden and Dump agreed to the debates within hours, and there’s a tentative schedule: one on June 27 in Atlanta, hosted by CNN, and one on September 10, hosted by ABC News.
• The terms of the debate that Biden laid down are different than usual… and I think I might like this part. First, they’re dispensing with the traditional argumentative bullshit sponsored by the Commission on Presidential Debates, which had already been penciled in for September 16, October 1 and October 9.
• That shit is pointless, as you may recall from the 2016 election.
• Biden wants the debates to be sooner so that they may influence the growing number of Americans who participate in early voting.
• I agree with that too.
• Finally Biden insisted that the debates occur inside a television studio with just the candidates and moderators — no booing crowds that are paid off by either side.
• And the big one… microphones get cut off when a candidate's allotted time is up.
• I still can’t stomach the idea of watching this debate, but I’m less horrified than if they’d done a repeat of the last disastrous time they were on stage together.
• And there’s a good-sized contingent of people who wonder if Dump will actually show up for the debate(s) or will wriggle out of them with some excuse.
• Moving on.
• This morning, President Joe Biden asserted executive privilege over the recordings of his interview with special counsel Robert Hur, per letters from the White House and Justice Department to House Republicans.
• The House GOP had previously subpoenaed the audio recordings of Biden’s interviews, along with his ghostwriter, Mark Zwonitzer and other items from Hur’s investigation into Biden’s handling of classified information. 
• The House Oversight and Judiciary committees are scheduled to begin the process of holding Attorney General Merrick Garland in contempt of Congress for failing to comply with those subpoenas today.
• But the White House pointed out that the DOJ has already provided the transcripts of the special counsel’s interviews, and has complied with the other aspects of the initial subpoena from Republicans.
• If you want to know their actual priorities, the House Oversight Committee had already pushed back the start time of its Thursday sessions so that ass-kissing Republican committee members can attend Dumpy’s criminal trial in New York City.
• Shrug.
• To that end, lawyer/fixer Michael Cohen will be returning to the stand today, and will be the final witness for the prosecution.
• Can I just say that it weirds me out how Cohen is only a couple of years older than me? His immersion in that toxic world has left him seeming much older.
• It’s likely the defense will continue questioning Cohen all day today, and court is not in session Friday in order for Dump to — allegedly — attend his son's high school graduation.
• That means it’s likely that Cohen would return to the stand on Monday for additional questions from prosecutors, followed by additional questions from the defense before the prosecution rests.
• No one knows if Dump will put on a defense case. There are few possible witnesses who can testify in Dumpy’s defense beyond Dump himself, and I don’t think he’s quite stupid enough to take the huge risks of saying anything under oath.
• The man lies constantly, and his lawyers know it.
• Moving on.
• Are you familiar with New Caledonia? It’s a semiautonomous island country in the South Pacific, not far from Australia, that’s actually a French territory. Tropical sandy beaches, crystal blue-green water, coral reefs. Looks like paradise.
• They’re…. having deadly and chaotic riots. Paradise might not be all that it’s cracked up to be.
• France’s government declared a state of emergency there yesterday with a massive mobilization of security forces. The protests in New Caledonia are over a proposed amendment to the French Constitution that would change local voting rules in the territory.
• Businesses and public buildings, including schools, have been looted or set on fire — with more than 130 people arrested. Hundreds of people have been wounded.
• That all sounds shitty.
• Let’s move on, or rather back to the chaos of the pro-Palestine movement at colleges.
• Yesterday, thousands of unionized student workers at the University of California system voted for a potential strike in the aftermath of crackdowns on recent campus protests.
• Of the 19,780 votes cast by members of a local unit of the United Auto Workers (who represent the UC staff), about 79 percent were in favor of authorizing a strike, easily clearing the two-thirds threshold necessary.
• Clashes between authorities and protesting students and others have continued at many schools across the country.
• So we’ll see how that goes. I must reiterate: I fully support people’s constitutional right to assemble and peacefully protest.
• And in related (as you’ll see) news…
• I went grocery shopping on Tuesday, and as always when in a public crowded place, I wore a mask. Yup, I’m still masking up. I haven’t had a fucking cold since 2019. I may do it forever.
• But I won’t be doing it in North Carolina, where Republican lawmakers are making mask-wearing for health reasons illegal.
• The legislation cleared the NC Senate on Wednesday in a 30-15 vote along party lines. Opponents of the bill say it risks the health of those masking for safety reasons.
• What does this have to do with student protests?
• Those backing the legislation say it is a needed response to the demonstrations.
• Ah. Well, I won’t be visiting that state or doing business there any time soon.
• In other news…
• What’s with the watercraft hitting bridges lately?
• Yesterday in Galveston, TX, a barge collided with the Pelican Island Causeway, damaging the bridge, closing the roadway to all vehicular traffic, and causing an oil spill. 
• There were no reported injuries. Part of the train trestle that runs along the bridge has collapsed. The barge, which is owned by Martin Petroleum, remains at the site of the collision. 
• Emergency management officials and state officials responded to the scene, along with members of the Galveston police and fire departments, the U.S. Coast Guard, and the Texas Department of Transportation. 
• The last thing Galveston needs is something to make its seawater even dirtier than usual. Vacuum gas oil, which can be used to make transportation fuels and other by-products, was visually confirmed in the water.
• About six and a half miles of intracoastal waterway has been closed. The barge has a capacity of about 30,000 gallons. The amount that has leaked out is unknown. 
• Ugh.
• While we’re talking about transportation woes, I forgot to mention the recent little whoopsie that Donnie Dump had with his plane.
• Dump Force One clipped a parked corporate jet while taxiing at a Florida airport over this past weekend.
• The plane, a Boeing 757, was taxiing at Palm Beach International Airport when its winglet — the V-shaped tip of its wing — “contacted a parked and unoccupied corporate jet,” according to a statement from the FAA.
• Dumpy bought the plane second-hand from Microsoft mogul Paul Allen, and then had it painted to look like a casino in a bad neighborhood.
• Moving on.
• Quick question: do you generally walk around with firearms ammunition on you?
• I ask because once again, police in Turks and Caicos have charged an American with ammunition possession, a crime that carries a minimum penalty of 12 years.
• Sharitta Shinise Grier, 45, of Orlando, FL was visiting the country with her daughter for Mother's Day when, during a routine search at the Howard Hamilton International Airport Monday, officials found two rounds of ammunition in her bag.
• People. If you know you’re going somewhere that guns and ammo are specifically illegal, wouldn’t you clean the fuck out of your baggage and off your person before going to that place?
• Like, if you were going to a country where a small amount of weed would get you beheaded or life in prison, wouldn’t you make real, real sure that you didn’t accidentally leave some in your backpack?
• I mean, I would. Or if I was transporting a forbidden item purposefully, I’d hide it better.
• Grier is the fifth American to be charged under Turks and Caicos' gun laws this year.
• And now, The Weather: “Big Glow” by Bartees Strange
• From the Sports Desk… an overdue salute to Chris Nikic, a 24-year-old runner from Maitland, FL who is not only the first person with Down syndrome to complete an Ironman triathlon; he did that at age 21 in 2020.
• But as of this past March, Chris has now earned his six-star medal, meaning he’s completed all World Marathon Major races.
• Those six are the Tokyo Marathon, Boston Marathon, London Marathon, Berlin Marathon, Chicago Marathon, and New York City Marathon.
• Chris is now in the Guinness Book of World Records, has a foundation in his name, and is a Special Olympics Champion Ambassador.
• In other sports news, things have tightened up in the NHL playoffs.
• The Florida Panthers lead the Boston Bruins 3-2. The New York Rangers lead the Carolina Hurricanes 3-2. The Dallas Stars lead the Colorado Avalanche 3-2. And the Vancouver Canucks are tied with the Edmonton Oilers 2-2.
• Today in history… 14-year-old Marie Antoinette marries 15-year-old Louis-Auguste, who later becomes king of France (1770). Juan Godoy discovers the rich silver outcrops of Chañarcillo sparking the Chilean silver rush (1832). The first major wagon train heading for the Pacific Northwest sets out on the Oregon Trail from Elm Grove, Missouri, with 100 pioneers (1842). The United States Congress establishes the nickel (1866). The United States Senate fails to convict President Andrew Johnson by one vote (1868). Nikola Tesla delivers a lecture describing the equipment which will allow efficient generation and use of alternating currents to transmit electric power over long distances (1888). In Hollywood, the first Academy Awards ceremony takes place (1929). Theodore Maiman operates the first optical laser at Hughes Research Laboratories in Malibu, CA (1960). Josip Broz Tito is elected president for life of Yugoslavia (1974). Michael Jackson first performs his moonwalk dance on television (1983). A report by the Surgeon General of the United States C. Everett Koop states that the addictive properties of nicotine are similar to those of heroin and cocaine (1988). Queen Elizabeth II of the United Kingdom becomes the first British monarch to address the U.S. Congress (1991). 
• May 16 is the birthday of educator Elizabeth Palmer Peabody (1804), physicist David Edward Hughes (1831), ichthyologist Edith Grace White (1890), actor Henry Fonda (1905), author Studs Terkel (1912), clarinetist/band leader Woody Herman (1913), pianist Liberace (1919), microbiologist Barbara Bachmann (1924), politician John Conyers (1929), drummer Billy Cobham (1944), actor Danny Trejo (1944), actor Pierce Brosnan (1953), singer-songwriter Richard Page (1953), gymnast Olga Korbut (1955), actress Debra Winger (1955), bass player Krist Novoselic (1965), singer-songwriter Janet Jackson (1966), journalist, I guess, Tucker Carlson (1969), tennis player Gabriela Sabatini (1970), actress Tori Spelling (1973), and actress Megan Fox (1986).

Okay, yeah, I know… that was a lot. But sometimes lots of things happen, and I don’t want to be the guy who let off something that may be important to you just because I had other things to do. You’re welcome. Enjoy your day.