Random News: May 29, 2024

DISCLAIMER: Zak's Random News is very random and doesn't cover many things, and not everything may be accurate, because I'm just some guy. Go find a real news source.

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Good morning. It’s May 29, 2024, and it’s a Wednesday. After a work day where I basically had to cram Monday and Tuesday into a single grueling day of work tasks, the holiday weekend is now a distant memory and I’m already yearning for the weekend to arrive. Until then, let’s see what’s happening in this world of ours.

• Jurors in El Dumpo’s hush money trial are beginning deliberations this morning after receiving instructions from the judge. Their goal is to reach a verdict in the first criminal case against a former American president.
• No one knows how long that might take. There might be a verdict later today, or it could be in two weeks, any any time in between.
• At this very moment, the judge is reading the final version of the jury instructions to the jury.  He says it should take about an hour. So at least I can get this news posted before anything earth-shattering happens.
• Their deliberations today follow a marathon day of closing arguments in which the prosecutor accused Trump of trying to mislead voters in the 2016 presidential election by participating in a hush money scheme meant to stifle embarrassing stories he feared would torpedo his campaign.
• In their closing arguments, the defense lawyers leaned into the concept that everyone testifying against Dump is a liar, denied he’d had sex with Stormy Daniels at all, and proclaimed his client innocent of all charges, asking the jurors for a unanimous acquittal on all 34 felony charges against Dump.
• So, that’s it. We’ll see how it goes. No matter what the jury’s findings will be, there will be some sort of chaos afterwards, so be prepared for that.
• One noteworthy dramatic moment happened outside of the courthouse yesterday, where actor Robert De Niro made an appearance with former Capitol police officers Harry Dunn and Michael Fanone, who were cited for their heroism defending our country against the January 6, 2021 failed coup attempt.
• While De Niro spoke, a MAGA psycho called Dunn and Fanone traitors. De Niro shot back: "They stood there. They didn’t have to. They stood there and fought for us. They fought for you, buddy. You’re able to stand right here. They are the true heroes. I’m honored to be with these two heroes today."
• I liked that.
• Moving on.
• In a different criminal case against El Dumpo, Judge Aileen Cannon chastised special counsel Jack Smith’s team yesterday after she said they failed to meaningfully reach out to Dump’s attorneys on a motion to limit his speech in the classified documents case after Dump claimed law enforcement had the power to assassinate him.
• Cannon also denied a motion from Trump’s legal team seeking to censure prosecutors over the matter.
• Anyway, she was mad that the prosecutors didn’t reach out to Team Dump until 5:30PM ahead of Memorial Day weekend. Tough shit, I say, but I’m not in charge of that trial.
• Let’s move on to some really good news.
• Philanthropist Melinda French Gates is donating $1 billion over the next two years to support women and families, including reproductive rights.
• French Gates said in a NYT op-ed that she is committed to advocating for women and girls.
• ”While I have long focused on improving contraceptive access overseas, in the post-Dobbs era, I now feel compelled to support reproductive rights here at home. For too long, a lack of money has forced organizations fighting for women's rights into a defensive posture while the enemies of progress play offense. I want to help even the match."
• Hell yes. Fuck them up, Melinda.
• Moving on.
• A note of derisive laughter to the douchebags in the Ohio legislature who thought they had a backdoor to keeping Joe Biden off their state’s ballot this fall.
• There was an administrative issue about the timing of the Democratic National Convention and the date required by Ohio law to have the official nominee listed on the ballot there.
• It had to be done by August 7, and the DNC’s in-person convention doesn’t start until August 19. Oh no! What to doooooo?
• Easy. The Democratic National Committee will move to conduct virtual proceedings to certify President Joe Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris as the Democratic Party nominees ahead of the deadline.
• There will be a virtual roll call and nomination of Biden and Harris, but the DNC will still hold in-person ceremonial events for this process at their convention during the week of August 19 in Chicago.
• Suck my Ohio-born dick, Ohio GOP.
• Moving down to Texas, where some sorta good news happened when incumbent Rep. Tony Gonzales (R-TX) narrowly won his primary yesterday against an ammosexual.
• Gonzales defeated Brandon Herrera, a gun nut YouTuber who calls himself "The AK Guy.” Why is this only “sorta” good?
• Because supporters of Gonzales had warned, perhaps accurately, that a loss in yesterday's election could open the door for Democrats to flip the district in November.
• Another prominent Texas Republican, state House Speaker Dade Phelan, also edged out a challenger from the right who was backed by Dump.
• Alright. Let’s move on.
• Another American who was arrested in the Turks and Caicos Islands for possessing ammunition was sentenced yesterday to time served and a $9,000 fine.
• Tyler Wenrich was facing a potential mandatory minimum sentence of 12 years in prison for ammunition charges in the British territory. 
• Wenrich was arrested in April after two 9 mm rounds were found in his backpack as he was trying to board a cruise ship. He pleaded guilty last week.
• He’s the second American tourist to be sentenced this month over ammunition found in his luggage. Bryan Hagerich of Pennsylvania received a yearlong suspended sentence and was fined $6,700 on Friday over 20 rifle rounds found in his checked bag in February.
• Sigh. Next time I get arrested, I’ll just say that I forgot to remove the contraband from my backpack. I’m sure I’ll be treated as leniently.
• Let’s move on.
• ”Son of Sam" killer David Berkowitz was denied parole after his twelfth board appearance.
• Berkowitz, now 70 years old, was rejected after a Board of Parole prison interview on May 14. He’d terrorized New York City with a series of shootings that killed six people and wounded seven beginning in July 1976, and was arrested August 10, 1977.
• Let’s do a better New York story.
• Twice per year, New Yorkers are treated to a phenomenon known as Manhattanhenge, when the setting sun aligns with the Manhattan street grid and sinks below the horizon framed in a canyon of skyscrapers.
• Neat. The first Manhattanhenge of the year happened last night at 8:13PM, with a slight variation happening again tonight at 8:12PM, and will occur again on July 12 and 13.
• And now, The Weather: “shaniatwainlovestory” by Winter
• Just a note that yesterday was the 41st anniversary of the start of the US Festival in Southern California. It kicked off on May 28, 1983 with “New Wave Day,” featuring the Divinyls, INXS, Wall of Voodoo, Oingo Boingo, The English Beat, A Flock of Seagulls, The Stray Cats, Men at Work, and The Clash, who played their final show ever with Mick Jones.
• From the Sports Desk… a very important and newsworthy story.
• Major League Baseball announced back in December 2020 that it would be correcting a longtime oversight by adding the statistics of Negro League players to the record books.
• As of yesterday, that came to fruition. Due to the long-overdue correction, Josh Gibson became Major League Baseball's career leader with a .372 batting average, surpassing Ty Cobb's .367.
• Records for more than 2,300 players were incorporated yesterday after a three-year research project. Gibson also became the career leader in slugging percentage (.718) and OPS (1.177), moving ahead of Babe Ruth (.690 and 1.164).
• In other Sports Desk news, the Boston Celtics have moved on to the NBA Finals after sweeping the Indiana Pacers 4-0. In the West, the T’Wolves staved off elimination by beating the Mavericks 105-100 last night. The Mavs lead that series 3-1.
• Today in history… Charles II is restored to the throne of England, Scotland and Ireland (1660). Rhode Island becomes the last of North America's original Thirteen Colonies to ratify the Constitution and become one of the United States (1790). Wisconsin is admitted as the 30th U.S. state (1848). The pharmacist John Pemberton places his first advertisement for Coca-Cola, which appeared in The Atlanta Journal (1886). Igor Stravinsky's ballet score The Rite of Spring receives its premiere performance in Paris, France, provoking a riot (1913). Albert Einstein's theory of general relativity is tested and later confirmed by Arthur Eddington and Andrew Claude de la Cherois Crommelin (1919). Edmund Hillary and Sherpa Tenzing Norgay become the first people to reach the summit of Mount Everest (1953). Tom Bradley is elected the first black mayor of Los Angeles, CA (1973). Space Shuttle Discovery completes the first docking with the International Space Station (1999).
• May 29 is the birthday of English king Charles II (1630), poet/playwright G. K. Chesterton (1874), actor/singer Bob Hope (1903), US president John F. Kennedy (1917), race car driver Al Unser (1939), singer-songwriter/composer Danny Elfman (1953), failed assassin John Hinckley Jr. (1955), singer LaToya Jackson (1956), actress Annette Bening (1958), musician/activist Melissa Etheridge (1961), singer-songwriter/guitarist Noel Gallagher (1967), actress/activist Laverne Cox (1972), singer-songwriter Mel B (1975), comedian Daniel Tosh (1975), NBA player Carmelo Anthony (1984), and NBA player Austin Reaves (1998).

We’ll be keeping a close eye on the Dump hush money jury today, obviously. And always remember what I’ve told you many times before: no matter what happens, the courts won’t save America from this fucking guy. You will, with your vote. Enjoy your day.