Random News: May 21, 2024

DISCLAIMER: Zak's Random News is very random and doesn't cover many things, and not everything may be accurate, because I'm just some guy. Go find a real news source.

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Good morning. It’s May 21, 2024, and it’s a Tuesday. It’s also early and I’m trying to make my brain work, and perhaps pumping it full of coffee and writing this news column will be helpful in that regard.

• I guess we’ll start with yesterday’s sessions of The Trials of Dumpy, where things got weird with just the second defense witness. 
• Robert Costello, a former federal prosecutor, was so awful on the stand yesterday that Judge Merchan had to clear the courtroom and threaten to remove the defense’s witness from the trial altogether.
• Costello’s behavior on the stand, which included making comments under his breath and rolling his eyes, was atrocious… and, as the judge noted, was also contemptuous.
• He continued to speak after objections were sustained, at one point exclaimed “jeez” when he was cut off by an objection, and called the whole exercise “ridiculous.”
• Merchan was not fucking around with this piece of shit.
• “And then if you don’t like my ruling, you don’t give me side eye and you don’t roll your eyes,” said the judge, soon followed by, “Are you staring me down right now?”
• Lemme tell you kids… these are things you never want to hear from a judge. Not as a defendant, not as a witness, not as a lawyer, not even as a juror.
• Costello’s testimony continued this morning, and then… that was it.
• The defense rested their case after barely presenting any defense at all. And after all his blustery talk, the Orange Man turned yellow and did not testify in his own defense. He chickened out.
• What’s next? The jury was excused until next Tuesday, when closing arguments will be made after the Memorial Day holiday.
• See you next Tuesday, Don!
• But I have some much more important news from the El Dumpo camp yesterday having nothing to do with his criminal trials.
• A video posted to the official Dump account on his social media network yesterday included references to a “unified Reich” among hypothetical news headlines if he wins the election in November.
• The word “Reich” is often largely associated with Nazi Germany’s Third Reich. Dump has repeatedly faced criticism for using language and rhetoric associated with Nazi Germany.
• That word was used very purposefully. It was a rallying call to the white Christian nationalists who make up a good portion of his voter base.
• He cannot get elected without the support of racists, antisemites, and xenophobes. He has no choice other to pander to them and make promises to them.
• Keep it in mind. Moving on.
• Dump isn’t the only asshole on trial, or soon to be.
• Former Arizona Republican Party chair Kelli Ward and at least 11 other people are set to be arraigned today in a Phoenix courtroom on conspiracy, forgery and fraud charges stemming from their roles in an effort to overturn Dump’s 2020 election loss in Arizona to Joe Biden.
• Former New York Mayor and current alcoholic joke Rudy Giuliani also is scheduled to be arraigned, though it’s unclear whether he’ll seek a postponement.
• Arizona authorities unveiled the felony charges last month against Republicans who submitted a document to Congress falsely declaring Dump had won Arizona. The defendants include five lawyers connected to the former president and two former Dump aides.
• Joe Biden won Arizona by more than 10,000 votes.
• Let’s move on.
• Iran has begun multiple days of funeral ceremonies for president Ebrahim Raisi, whose body arrived in Tehran earlier today.
• Raisi, a 63-year-old ultraconservative cleric who had once been seen as a potential successor to current Supreme Leader Ayatollah Khamenei, died in a helicopter crash alongside other high-ranking officials, including the country’s foreign minister, on Sunday morning.
• Yesterday, Iranian media reported that the country’s military chief had appointed a commission to investigate the cause of the crash, which includes military and technical experts.
• Was Raisi a good guy? No. He was a conservative hardliner. Russian President Vladimir Putin, Chinese leader Xi Jinping, and North Korea’s Kim Jong Un all released statements praising Raisi’s legacy and hailing him as a “friend.”
• So he was no friend of ours.
• In other news…
• A congressional investigation found that BMW, Jaguar Land Rover, and Volkswagen purchased parts that originated from a Chinese supplier flagged by the United States for participating in forced labor programs in Xinjiang.
• Xinjiang is a far-western region of China where the local population is subject to mass surveillance and detentions.
• Both BMW and Jaguar Land Rover continued to import components made by the Chinese company into the United States in violation of American law, even after they were informed in writing about the presence of banned products in their supply chain.
• For example, BMW shipped to the United States at least 8,000 MINI vehicles containing the part after the Chinese supplier was added to a U.S. government list of companies participating in forced labor. Volkswagen at least took steps to correct the issue.
• The Uyghur Forced Labor Prevention Act bars goods made in whole or in part in Xinjiang from being imported to the United States, unless the importer can prove that they were not made with forced labor.
• We don’t accept that slavery bullshit here. I’m glad these companies are going to get fucked as a result.
• Moving on to a happier story, or at least one with a happy ending.
• In 1963, Ed Dwight was America’s first Black astronaut candidate, but the then Air Force pilot didn’t get chosen to make the journey into space.
• Instead, he got to experience it yesterday at age 90. Dwight enjoyed a few minutes of weightlessness with five other passengers aboard the Blue Origin capsule as it skimmed space on a roughly 10-minute flight.
• “I thought I really didn’t need this in my life, but now, I need it in my life. I am ecstatic,” he said shortly after exiting the capsule.
• The brief flight made Dwight the new record-holder for oldest person in space — nearly two months older than “Star Trek” actor William Shatner was when he went up in 2021. Dwight’s seat was sponsored in part by the nonprofit Space for Humanity.
• Back to the shitty news. It’s important to know.
• A federal judge has blocked the Biden administration from enforcing a new rule in Texas that would require firearms dealers to run background checks on buyers at gun shows or other places outside brick-and-mortar stores.
• Because of course they did. Nothing gets these guys’ dicks harder than putting as many guns in the hands of killers as possible.
• The decision by U.S. District Judge Matthew Kacsmaryk, an appointee of Dump, came before the rule had been set to take effect Monday.
• The order also prevents the federal government from enforcing the rule against several gun-rights groups, including Gun Owners of America. It does not apply to Louisiana, Mississippi and Utah, which were also part of the lawsuit.
• Fucking assholes.
• And now, some friendly advice: stay away from the babies of wild animals.
• A 70-year-old Alaska man, identified as Dale Chorman, was attempting to take photos of two newborn moose calves when he was attacked and killed by their mother.
• Just… don’t. Don’t do that.
• And now, The Weather: “Bury” by King Woman
• Let’s do a chart. It’s the end of May 1976, and this is the top of the Billboard 200 albums chart.
• This was literally the moment where I decided I wanted to be a musician… not because of these specific albums, but everything I was hearing around me, old and new, at the time. And yes, my parents owned a bunch of these, my friends’ older brothers and sisters owned others, and many remain classics today.
• 1. At The Speed Of Sound (Wings). 2. Black And Blue (The Rolling Stones). 3. Presence (Led Zeppelin). 4. Frampton Comes Alive (Peter Frampton). 5. I Want You (Marvin Gaye). 6. Here And There (Elton John). 7. Fleetwood Mac (Fleetwood Mac). 8. Diana Ross II (Diana Ross). 9. Takin' It To The Streets (The Doobie Brothers). 10. Look Out For #1 (The Brothers Johnson). 11. Brass Construction (Brass Construction). 12. Amigos (Santana). 13. Hideaway (America). 14. Their Greatest Hits 1971-1975 (Eagles). 15. Mothership Connection (Parliament). 16. A Night At The Opera (Queen). 17. Silk Degrees (Boz Scaggs). 18. Struttin' My Stuff (Elvin Bishop). 19. Breezin'  (George Benson). 20. You Can't Argue With A Sick Mind (Joe Walsh).
• From the Sports Desk… after last night’s Pacific Division Game 7, where the Canucks put up a fight but lost to the Oilers 3-2, we’re now set for the NHL’s Stanley Cup conference finals.
• Eastern Conference: Florida Panthers vs. New York Rangers.
• Western Conference: Dallas Stars vs. Edmonton Oilers.
• Today in history… Daniel Defoe is imprisoned on charges of seditious libel (1703). Lawrence, Kansas is captured and burned by pro-slavery forces (1856). The American Red Cross is established by Clara Barton in Washington, D.C. (1881). FIFA — the Fédération Internationale de Football Association — is founded in Paris (1904). Charles Lindbergh touches down at Le Bourget Field in Paris, completing the world's first solo nonstop flight across the Atlantic Ocean (1927). Bad weather forces Amelia Earhart to land in a pasture in Derry, Northern Ireland, and she thereby becomes the first woman to fly solo across the Atlantic Ocean (1932). Sada Abe is arrested after wandering the streets of Tokyo for days with her dead lover's severed genitals in her handbag (1936). Physicist Louis Slotin is fatally irradiated in a criticality incident during an experiment with the demon core at Los Alamos National Laboratory (1946). Alabama Governor John Malcolm Patterson declares martial law in an attempt to restore order after race riots break out (1961). Transamerica Corporation agrees to sell United Artists to Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer for $380 million after the box office failure of the 1980 film ‘Heaven's Gate’ (1981). After 30 seasons Johnny Carson hosted his penultimate episode and last featuring guests — Robin Williams and Bette Midler — of ‘The Tonight Show’ (1992). Radio broadcaster Harold Camping predicted that the world would end on this date (2011).
• May 21 is the birthday of prison reformer Elizabeth Fry (1780), painter Henri Rousseau (1844), volcanologist Giuseppe Mercalli (1850), physician/businessman Armand Hammer (1898), singer-songwriter Fats Waller (1904), author Harold Robbins (1916), actor Raymond Burr (1917), physicist/activist Andrei Sakharov (1921), Australia prime minister Malcolm Fraser (1930), singer-songwriter Ronald Isley (1941), singer-songwriter Bill Champlin (1947), singer-songwriter Leo Sayer (1948), actor/writer/politician Al Franken (1951), actor Mr. T (1952), drummer Stan Lynch (1955), actor Judge Reinhold (1957), serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer (1960), rapper The Notorious B.I.G. (1972), actress Fairuza Balk (1974), NFL player Ricky Williams (1977), and singer-songwriter Gotye (1980).

I’ve run out of time for more news, but that’s okay. I think you got most of the important stuff. Or maybe not. It’s always difficult to know what’s really important. Maybe it’s the friends we make along the way. Enjoy your day.