Random News: May 18, 2024

DISCLAIMER: Zak's Random News is very random and doesn't cover many things, and not everything may be accurate, because I'm just some guy. Go find a real news source.

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Good morning. It’s May 18, 2024, and it’s a Saturday. I am greatly enjoying the fact that it’s a weekend, and instead of frantically rushing to finish this news so I can get my day rolling, I’m leisurely sipping coffee in a blue bathrobe and scrolling through various news sources. Let’s take a look around and see what’s up.

• Yesterday, the State Department issued a worldwide caution security alert, warning of "the potential for terrorist attacks, demonstrations, or violent actions against U.S. citizens and interests." 
• The threat warning is a result of intelligence citing threats by ISIS against Pride events in parts of Europe. 
• Yesterday’s alert follows one from the FBI and Department of Homeland Security last week that warned of the "potential targeting of LGBTQIA+-related events and venues." 
• While the State Department bulletin is meant for overseas travel, there is concern about a domestic threat from ISIS. 
• Fuck ISIS. I will personally fuck up any terrorists who target my LGTQIA+ friends.
• But my favorite part (if I can all it that) of this threat is that it forces the MAGA types to choose a side between Islamic terrorists or gays. Pick your team, you red-hatted pieces of shit.
• Frankly, MAGA has a lot more in common with ISIS than they do with America — wanting to live under theocratic rule where women and gays are second-class citizens — but I digress.
• Obviously the impetus of this threat is the upcoming Pride month.
• Moving on for now.
• Yesterday a federal judge sentenced David DePape, who brutally attacked Speaker Emerita Nancy Pelosi’s husband in 2022, to 30 years in prison.
• He was actually sentenced to 30 years for assault and 20 years for attempted kidnapping, but they’ll run concurrently.
• In November, a jury found DePape guilty in a San Francisco federal court of one count of assault on the immediate family member of a federal official and a second count of attempted kidnapping of a federal official.
• Like most of these pieces of shit, DePape felt he’d been the victim of conspiracy theories that he felt were true at the time.
• For the record, let me be clear: I don’t care that this was Pelosi’s husband. Anyone who breaks into any politicians house and assaults them or their family merits the highest level of punishment.
• The USA should never be a country where political violence is tolerated in any way. That’s one of the quickest ways for a civilization to fall apart.
• Moving on.
• While Rudy Giuliani was celebrating his 80th birthday yesterday, he thought it would be fun to taunt the Arizona prosecutors who indicted him for attempting to prevent the lawful transfer of power in the 2020 presidential election.
• Prosecutors say he devised a scheme so fake electors would falsely claim election fraud, making Arizona election officials feel pressured to overturn the results in favor of Dump.
• Rudy was at his birthday party in Palm Beach, FL with nearly 75 guests.
• He then put up a social post that showed him with friends, laughing and toasting cups, which read “if Arizona authorities can’t find me by tomorrow morning: 1. They must dismiss the indictment; 2. They must concede they can’t count votes.”
• And then two officials with Arizona Attorney General Kris Mayes’ office arrived and served Giuliani around 11PM.
• Hahahahahahahahahahahaha, oh, you poor idiot.
• Let’s move on.
• Actually, there’s a related story.
• Dumpy’s former lawyer John Eastman pleaded not guilty in Phoenix yesterday on those same charges, related to participating in a conspiracy to overturn the 2020 election results in Arizona.
• Over a dozen of Dump’s allies are charged in that state. Dumpy himself is not, but the details in the indictment suggest he is “Unindicted Coconspirator 1.”
• In addition to Rudy and Eastman, others charged include Dump’s former White House chief of staff Mark Meadows, aide Boris Epshteyn, and the current top lawyer on “election integrity” for the Republican National Committee, Christina Bobb.
• I’ll be enjoying your trials, suckers.
• In other news…
• Two stories about adults being fucking evil to kids.
• First, a day care owner and three of her employees in Manchester, NH have been arrested after allegedly sprinkling melatonin on children's food.
• Can you imagine finding out someone you trusted was literally drugging your child? There’s no way I’d not end up committing a major crime in retribution.
• Next up is a slaughterhouse in Jasper, AL, where four minors as young as 16 were discovered working overnight.
• Note: that’s illegal. Almost every job in a fucking slaughterhouse is prohibited for people under 18, and they should be.
• Oh, and it’s run by Mar-Jac Poultry, the same company that was found directly responsible for the death of a 16-year-old Mississippi worker last summer.
• Assholes.
• The Labor Department is seeking a temporary restraining order against Mar-Jac as part of the ongoing legal dispute.
• Get their asses.
• Moving on.
• As was listed in my historical section yesterday, it was 70 years ago on May 17, 1954 that the Supreme Court handed down a unanimous decision in the landmark case ‘Brown v. Board of Education of Topeka, Kansas,’ outlawing racial segregation in public schools.
• But are schools really desegregated today? In many places, the answer is no, not really.
• North Carolina is a good example. The state’s public schools were a model for desegregation in the 1980s and 1990s, but various court decisions and policies have led to a 21st-century reversion.
• In the late 1980s, less than 5% of Black students in NC attended highly segregated schools.
• But today in the state, one in four Black students and nearly one in five Hispanic students now attend an intensely segregated school of color, defined as schools that are 90-100% nonwhite students.
• Studies by judicial scholars have speculated that the current Supreme Court would never have ruled in favor of Brown, and would have allowed legal and purposeful racial segregation to continue unabated.
• Moving on.
• In very important news, a cat has received an honorary doctorate.
• I repeat, there is now a cat doctor. A doctor cat.
• Max Dow — who is a cat — was bestowed an honorary degree from Vermont State University. The campus-dwelling tabby was officially recognized for his friendliness and mousing acumen, two of the most important aspects of being a cat.
• He was awarded a doctor of litter-ature. Dr. Dow will celebrating by napping for the next 18 hours.
• And now, The Weather: “Glass” by Glom
• In real weather news, the folks in Houston who are cleaning up restoring power to hundreds of thousands after deadly storms, there’s another problem… heat and smog.
• Highs today in the area are expected to hit 90, with heat indexes likely approaching 100 degrees by midweek.
• That same heat is being felt all over the Gulf Coast. Stay safe, peoples.
• Rest in peace to a really fun actor. Dabney Coleman died Thursday at age 92… much older than I realized he was.
• You probably remember him for having played a pompous ass in nearly every role, from films like ‘9 to 5,’ and ‘Tootsie,’ and TV shows like ‘Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman.’
• Interesting stuff about Dabney I didn’t know: his dad died of pneumonia when he was 4. He became a nationally ranked junior tennis player, then served in the U.S. Army’s Special Services Division for two years, and then studied law at the University of Texas.
• From the Sports Desk… let’s go back to the NBA playoffs, where things are getting interesting in the semifinals.
• In the East, the Celtics eliminated the Cavaliers 4-1. But the Knicks and Pacers tied it up at 3-3, meaning we’re going to a game 7, scheduled for tomorrow afternoon.
• Out West, the Mavs lead the Thunder 3-2, with their game 6 tonight. And the Nuggets and T’wolves are knotted at 3-3, with their game 7 tomorrow night.
• Fun stuff.
• Today in history… Emperor Constantine the Great announces free distributions of food to the citizens in Constantinople (332). Alonso de Ojeda sets sail from Cádiz on his voyage to what is now Venezuela (1499). John Winthrop takes the oath of office and becomes the first Governor of Massachusetts (1631). The Seven Years' War begins when Great Britain declares war on France (1756). The United States Supreme Court rules in Plessy v. Ferguson that the "separate but equal" doctrine is constitutional (1896). The Selective Service Act of 1917 is passed, giving the President of the United States the power of conscription (1917). President Franklin D. Roosevelt signs an act creating the Tennessee Valley Authority (1933). Jacqueline Cochran becomes the first woman to break the sound barrier (1953). Mount St. Helens erupts in Washington, United States, killing 57 people and causing $3 billion in damage (1980). A second photo from the Hubble Space Telescope confirms that Pluto has two additional moons, Nix and Hydra (2005). Joe Biden announces his presidential campaign (2019).
• May 18 is the birthday of mathematician/astronomer Omar Khayyám (1048), photographer Mathew Brady (1822), mathematician/philosopher Bertrand Russell (1972), film director/producer Frank Capra (1897), politician Jacob K. Javits (1904), singer Big Joe Turner (1911), singer/TV host Perry Como (1912), actress Miriam Margolyes (1941), singer-songwriter Albert Hammond (1944), MLB player Reggie Jackson (1946), keyboardist Rick Wakeman (1949), singer-songwriter/composer Mark Mothersbaugh (1950), singer-songwriter/guitarist George Strait (1952), NHL player Jari Kurri (1960), tennis player Yannick Noah (1960), NHL player Marty McSorley (1963), singer-songwriter Martika (1969), actress/writer/producer Tina Fey (1970), singer-songwriter Jack Johnson (1975), and NFL player Vince Young (1983).

Welp, that seems like enough. Enjoy your day.