Random News: April 1, 2025

DISCLAIMER: Zak's Random News is very random and doesn't cover many things, and not everything may be accurate, because I'm just some guy. Go find a real news source.

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Good morning. It’s April 1, 2025, and it’s a Tuesday. Since it’s April Fools’ Day, I have a quiz to start things off. Which of the following statements are true? I was once a professional fashion model, I was awarded the 1983 “Most Improved Player” on my high school basketball team, and my name isn’t Zak Claxton. The answer is at the bottom.

• Rabbit rabbit rabbit.
• I don’t believe in luck as a tangible thing, but we all need as much of it as possible these days. Also, I have not died even once after mentioning the rabbits at the start of a new month.
• A note…
• I mentioned yesterday that this coming Saturday — April 5, 2025 — I’ll be participating in the national “Hands Off” action event.
• They are happening across the country. A quick look at the national map shows about 90 in California, 25 in Texas, 50 in Washington, 50 in Florida, 60 in Michigan, 40 in Illinois, and so on.
• In Southern California alone, events are being held in the South Bay (where I’ll be attending), the Pico-Robertson area, Lakewood, Pershing Square, Thousand Oaks, Los Feliz, Glendale, Malibu, Pasadena, Santa Barbara, Lompoc, Palm Springs, Joshua Tree, Bakersfield, Antelope Valley, in Orange County, Oceanside, San Diego, and more.
• I can almost guarantee there’s one happening somewhere in the USA near you. I mean, hell, there are like 10 in Alabama and five in Arkansas. Get involved!
• If you’ve never protested before and you have strong feelings about what Dump and Musk are doing to the USA and the world, I will promise you that the very act of getting out in the street with like-minded people will be invigorating and inspiring to you.
• Is there a risk? I mean, sure. Anything worthwhile comes with a risk. There’s also a risk of falling in the bathtub, but that doesn’t stop you from showering (I hope).
• Once again, I have a link in the comments to find the Hands Off event near you. Get involved. Take control of your future. Plan to go.
• And now, the news.
• In news that may still be ongoing, Senator Cory Booker (D-NJ) has been delivering a marathon speech on the Senate floor overnight. It started at 7PM yesterday and is continuing into this morning.
• Booker’s incredible endurance action is a protest of the Dump administration's policies.
• You know him by now. Booker is a 55-year-old who first came to the Senate in 2013, and is now the fourth-ranking Democrat. He said last night that he would continue speaking "for as long as I am physically able." As the sun rose this morning, he was still speaking from the Senate floor. 
• Booker cited the legacy of leaders, like late congressman and civil rights activist John Lewis, whom he said stood up "when this country was facing crossroads, was facing crises, they stood up."
• "Tonight, I rise with the intention of getting in some good trouble," Booker said, pledging to disrupt the normal business of the Senate. "I rise tonight because I believe sincerely that our country is in crisis… These are not normal times in America, and they should not be treated as such."
• Fuck yeah.
• A few hours ago at 7am ET this morning, Booker acknowledged the 12 hours that has passed, saying he's "wide awake" and would "stand here for as many hours as I can."
• Proud of him.
• Moving on.
• According to the White House, the review of how Atlantic editor Jeffrey Goldberg was inadvertently included on a Signal message group chat of high-ranking officials discussing impending strikes in Yemen is now closed.
• And what did they find, and who will be culpable for this massive error that stunned Washington because of the sensitive nature of the information disclosed on the app?
• "This case has been closed here at the White House as far as we are concerned," press secretary Karoline Leavitt told reporters yesterday. "There have been steps made to ensure that something like that can obviously never happen again, and we're moving forward," she said.
• Oh really? Like, what steps?
• Leavitt would not offer any details about what supposed steps the White House is taking after its review of Signalgate. Last week, she had told reporters that the National Security Council, the White House counsel's office, and Actual President Musk were all looking into how the mishap happened.
• Snort.
• And Leavitt added that Dumpy's national security adviser Mike Waltz — who created the group chat and added Goldberg to it — "continues to be an important part of the national security team."
• So basically, they did nothing. Because they fucking suck.
• Moving on.
• Dumples the Economic Clown is very proud of his fast-approaching “Liberation Day” — also know as tomorrow, when his ridiculous tariff taxes on the American people go into effect.
• Want to know how bad this really is?
• This administration is so incompetent that they’ve not only alienated two of our biggest trade partners — Japan and South Korea — but now those two countries have established trade agreements with China to make up for the losing prospects of doing business with the USA under Dump.
• Anyway, now China, Japan, and South Korea have agreed to jointly respond to U.S. tariffs, per China state media.
• Slow clap.
• Another note on Fatty McShitbrains… he’s still tightening his tiny grip over the Justice Department, a law enforcement agency previously known for its long tradition of political independence.
• On Friday, an assistant U.S. attorney in Los Angeles was fired without explanation in an terse email from the White House Presidential Personnel Office shortly after one of the. worst MAGA pieces of shit posted about him on social media.
• Adam Schleifer, who fought against corporate & securities fraud, received an email saying he was being terminated “on behalf of President Donald J. Trump.”
• It arrived exactly one hour after right-wing activist and fucking lunatic Laura Loomer called for him to be fired in a social media post.
• Is that how it works now? Talk shit on Twitter to punish anyone you don’t like? is that how we want our country run?
• That fiasco followed the White House’s firing last week of a longtime career prosecutor who had been serving as acting U.S. attorney in Memphis, TN.
• The terminations have embroiled the Justice Department in turmoil and have raised alarm about the erosion of the agency’s independence from the White House.
• Let’s move to some better news.
• Yesterday, U.S. District Judge Edward M. Chen  temporarily blocked the Dump administration from ending humanitarian protections for hundreds of thousands of Venezuelans who have sought refuge in the United States, days before they were set to lose their work permits and shield against deportation.
• The order prevents the Department of Homeland Security from allowing temporary protected status to expire on April 7 for approximately 350,000 Venezuelans, and gives recipients time to proceed with a legal challenge.
• Good.
• Venezuela’s extreme poverty and economic and political crises under Nicolás Maduro’s autocratic rule were the reasons for the protection. But dog murderer and horrible human being Kristi Noem said that conditions in Venezuela “no longer” met the criteria for its citizens to qualify for temporary protected status.
• Judge Chen wrote that Noem’s swift decision to terminate temporary protected status and mischaracterization of Venezuelans as criminals was unlawful and “smacks of racism.”
• I agree!
• In related news…
• Today, a coalition of state attorneys general sued the Dump administration over its decision to cut $11 billion in federal funds that go toward COVID-19 initiatives and various public health projects across the country.
• Officials from 23 states filed the suit in federal court in Rhode Island. They include New York Attorney General Letitia James, Kentucky Gov. Andy Beshear, Pennsylvania Gov. Josh Shapiro, as well as attorneys general California, Minnesota, North Carolina, Wisconsin, and New York , as well as the District of Columbia.
• The lawsuit argues the “sudden and reckless cuts violate federal law, jeopardize public health, and will have devastating consequences for communities nationwide.”
• They’re asking the court to immediately stop Dump from rescinding the money, which was allocated by Congress during the pandemic and mostly used for COVID-related efforts such as testing and vaccination. The money also went to addiction and mental health programs.
• Good. Keep pounding his ass into the ground.
• Let’s keep going with more wins for the good guys.
• Alabama’s attorney general cannot threaten groups in the state with prosecution for helping women travel out of state to obtain abortions, a federal judge ruled late yesterday.
• “It is one thing for Alabama to outlaw by statute what happens in its own backyard,” U.S. District Judge Myron Thompson concluded. “It is another thing for the State to enforce its values and laws, as chosen by the Attorney General, outside its boundaries by punishing its citizens and others who help individuals travel to another State to engage in conduct that is lawful there.”
• Correct. That right to interstate travel, which Thompson deemed “one of our most fundamental constitutional rights,” was central to the lawsuit. So, too, was the First Amendment.
• We’re gonna keep the pressure on these assholes every moment of every day.
• Moving on to follow up on a very interesting election happening today that we’d mentioned in previous reports.
• The special elections to replace Florida’s Republican former U.S. Reps. Matt Gaetz and Michael Waltz will be held in two of the state’s GOP strongholds, and I can tell you right now, Republicans will absolutely win both of them.
• In the 1st Congressional District, Republican Jimmy Patronis and Democrat Gay Valimont are running to replace Gaetz, the child rapist who had to withdraw form consideration for Attorney General.
• The four counties that make up the 1st District have voted for Republican presidential candidates almost continually for the past 60 years.
• In the 6th Congressional District, the candidates are Republican state Sen. Randy Fine and Democrat Josh Weil, a public school educator in Osceola County.
• Dumpy carried the district in 2024 with 65 percent of the vote.
• So again, there’s zero possibility that these Democratic candidates will win.
• What we’re watching is the margins of victory. Both Patronis and Fine should easily beat their opponents by 20 or more points.
• If they don’t… it’s definitely a sign of great dissatisfaction wit the current GOP leadership. We’ll report more tomorrow.
• Moving on with some news about how the MAGA folks need to feel hate so badly that they always end up hating each other.
• Rep. Anna Paulina Luna (R-FL) is leaving the right-wing House Freedom Caucus over its opposition to her efforts to allow House members who are new parents to vote by proxy.
• Luna has become the fourth member that the disgusting Freedom Caucus has lost or ejected in the last two years over growing internal divisions.
• Along with Democratic Rep. Brittany Pettersen (D-CO), Luna was trying to force a change to House rules to allow new parents — mothers as well as fathers — to vote by proxy for up to 12 weeks around the birth of a baby.
• Seems reasonable enough to me. But as you know, that goes against all typical Republican ideology. They don’t want children to be cared for after they are born.
• Shrug. Let’s move on.
• Want to know more about April Fools’ Day?
• First, it’s a lot older than you probably think. The actual origins are uncertain, but there’s a disputed association that goes all the way back to 1392, with Geoffrey Chaucer's ‘The Canterbury Tales.'
• In the "Nun's Priest's Tale", a vain cock is tricked by a fox on "Since March began thirty days and two,” 32 days since March began, which is April 1.
• References to April Fools were likely present in the Middle Ages. At the time, New Year's Day was celebrated from March 25-31 in most European towns, and those who celebrated New Year's on January 1 made fun of those who celebrated on other dates by the invention of April Fools' Day.
• I approve of that.
• There is an unambiguous reference to April Fools' Day in a 1561 poem by Flemish poet Eduard de Dene of a nobleman who sent his servant on foolish errands on April 1.
• Anyway, I’m not fooling; all that shit is true.
• And now, The Weather: “Asking” by Finnish Postcard
• From the Sports Desk… we have a Final Four in the NCAA Women’s tournament.
• 1-seed UCLA will face 2-seed UConn. 1-seed South Carolina will go up against 1-seed Texas.
• Both games happen on Friday April 4. The championship game between the winners will be on Sunday April 6.
• Today in history… The United States House of Representatives achieves its first quorum and elects Frederick Muhlenberg of Pennsylvania as its first Speaker (1789). Union troops led by Philip Sheridan decisively defeat Confederate troops led by George Pickett, cutting the Army of Northern Virginia's last supply line (1865). The Territorial Force, renamed Territorial Army in 1920, is formed as a volunteer reserve component of the British Army (1908). Adolf Hitler is sentenced to five years imprisonment for his participation in the "Beer Hall Putsch" but spends only nine months in jail (1924). United States President Dwight D. Eisenhower authorizes the creation of the United States Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs, CO (1954). President Richard Nixon signs the Public Health Cigarette Smoking Act into law (1970). Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak found Apple Computer, Inc. (1976). Iran becomes an Islamic republic by a 99% vote, officially overthrowing the Shah (1979). Singer Marvin Gaye is shot to death by his father in his home in Arlington Heights, Los Angeles, CA (1984). Nunavut is established as a Canadian territory carved out of the eastern part of the Northwest Territories (1999). Same-sex marriage becomes legal in the Netherlands, the first contemporary country to allow it (2001). Google launches its Email service Gmail (2004).
• April 1 is the birthday of mathematician/physicist Sophie Germain (1776), politician Otto von Bismarck (1815), composer Sergei Rachmaninoff (1873), actor Lon Chaney (1883), actor Wallace Beery (1995), psychologist Abraham Maslow (1908), librarian Augusta Braxton Baker (1911), actress Grace Lee Whitney (1930), actress Ali MacGraw (1939), MLB player Phil Niekro (1939), bass player Ronnie Lane (1946), singer-songwriter Gil Scott-Heron (1949), SCOTUS justice Samuel Alito (1950), drummer Jeff Porcaro (1954), singer/musician D. Boon (1958), singer Susan Boyle (1961), journalist Rachel Maddow (1973), actress Bijou Phillips (1980), actor Taran Killam (1982), NBA player Brook Lopez (1988), NBA player Robin Lopez (1988), and YouTube influencer Logan Paul (1995).

The answer to our quiz question up top? April Fools… all of them are true. Gotcha. I’ll remind you to see the link to the Hands Off day of action in the comments. Enjoy your day.