Random News: April 14, 2025

DISCLAIMER: Zak's Random News is very random and doesn't cover many things, and not everything may be accurate, because I'm just some guy. Go find a real news source.

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Good morning. It’s April 14, 2025, and it’s a Monday. I have an absolute hell day coming at me like a freight train. Back-to-back meetings, major deadlines, and a lovely trip to the DMV are all on my to-do list… and that’s between now and noon. Therefore, let’s jump into this news, which may end up being the most enjoyable part of my Monday. Yikes.

• We are going to cover the news of Kilmar Abrego García — the mistakenly deported Maryland man — every fucking day until it gets resolved one way or the other.
• It’s important for more reasons than you think, which will be clear in a moment.
• On Thursday, the Supreme Court ruled in a unanimous order that the Dump administration must facilitate Abrego García’s release.
• But yesterday, Dump’s people said that it is not required to engage El Salvador’s government in efforts to facilitate his return.
• So now they are openly defying both U.S. Federal Courts and the Supreme Court itself.
• When we told you he was a dictator, maybe you should have believed us.
• Federal officials said Sunday that the high court’s ruling required only that the administration allow Abrego García to return should he be released by the government of El Salvador.
• And then they claimed that Abrego García “is no longer eligible” for the protection from deportation that should have prevented him from being sent to El Salvador in the first place.
• Abrego García, we’ll remind you, has never been arrested or even accused of a crime.
• All of this is once again making me highly suspect that Abrego García is already dead. They’re just stalling because Dump knows he’ll be directly — and rightfully — blamed for an innocent man’s death.
• What should happen is an independent entity should investigate every case, one by one, of alleged gang members being sent — without trial or other due process protection — to foreign prisons notorious for torture and murder.
• Meanwhile, Secretary of State Marco Rubio said yesterday that another 10 people have been sent to El Salvador.
• Moving on.
• Senator Elizabeth Warren (D-MA) — whom, coincidentally, I voted to be our president in the 2020 primaries — has a good way of describing Dumples the Economic Clown’s tariff plans.
• “Investors will not invest in the United States when Donald Trump is playing ‘red light, green light’ with tariffs and saying, ‘Oh, and for my special donors, you get a special exemption.’”
• Accurate.
• Yesterday, Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick said Dump’s decision on Friday to exempt electronic devices — like smartphones and laptops — from tariffs was only a temporary reprieve.
• He clarified that those products will face separate levies, adding more confusion to an already chaotic rollout of tariffs on Chinese goods.
• Chaotic how? Well, a notice from Dump’s US Customs and Border Protection on Friday exempted electronic products from the 145% tariffs on Chinese goods.
• And then yesterday, Dump said, “There was no Tariff ‘exception’ announced on Friday. These products are subject to the existing 20% Fentanyl Tariffs, and they are just moving to a different Tariff ‘bucket.’
• Snorrrrrrrt.
• Just one day earlier, analysts had called the tariff exemptions on electronics “the best news possible for tech investors” and that “firms like Apple, Nvidia, Microsoft and the broader tech industry can breathe a huge sigh of relief this weekend into Monday.”
• And now? Not.
• Ironically, the biggest level of financial chaos is swirling around the very sector it was allegedly supposed to rebuild: American manufacturing.
• The volatile, stop-and-go tariff policies are making it tougher for American companies to make and sell goods, whether they’re producing medical devices in Florida, toys in Ohio, or bicycles in California.
• The recent messiness of announcements and uncertainty is hurting business. Manufacturing costs are rising, and demand is slowing as spooked customers in the United States and abroad slam the brakes on spending.
• And as a result of that and more, the odds of a recession have spiked in recent weeks. The value of the dollar has tumbled. Investors are genuinely worried about the reliability of the U.S. government.
• That’s just sad. Never in my life has that been the case.
• Fuck you, Donnie.
• Moving on.
• Today, the Social Security Administration is set to implement new anti-fraud measures created by Elon Musk’s DOGE that have sparked widespread concern and confusion, heightened by the agency’s repeated changes to one of the new policies.
• Social Security will now conduct an anti-fraud check on all phone applications for benefits and flag claims that they think could be fraudulent. Those who are flagged must verify their identity in person.
• The agency is also implementing a new policy barring beneficiaries from changing their direct deposit information by telephone.
• Advocates quickly slammed the measures, saying they would impede many Americans’ access to their Social Security payments.
• Fearing they could lose the monthly payments they depend on, many Social Security beneficiaries — most of them elderly — have been rushing to their local field offices, erroneously thinking that they need to verify their identity.
• Jessica LaPointe, president of the American Federation of Government Employees’ Council 220, which represents workers in Social Security’s call centers, said representatives didn’t get updated instructions on the latest changes until midday Friday.
• She added that staffers have a lot of unanswered questions and feel ill-prepared to help callers and visitors come today.
• I’ll remind you that Social Security is a fund that you paid into your whole working life. It’s your money. And Musk is making it as difficult as possibly to access it once you need it.
• Fucking prick.
• In other news…
• 38-year-old Cody Balmer scaled an iron security fence in the middle of the night and broke into the Pennsylvania governor’s mansion where he set a fire.
• After being arrested, Balmer said he’d planned to beat Gov. Josh Shapiro with a hammer if he found him.
• Sounds pretty MAGA to me.
• The fire left significant damage and forced Shapiro, his family and guests to evacuate the building early yesterday. Balmer was arrested later in the day and faces charges including attempted homicide, terrorism, aggravated arson, and aggravated assault.
• What an asshole.
• Shapiro stated, “If this individual was trying to deter me from doing my job as your governor, rest assured, I will find a way to work even harder than I was just yesterday for the good people of Pennsylvania.”
• Good.
• Let’s move on.
• There’s a dictator hang-out at the White House today as Dumpy is hosting Nayib Bukele, the president of El Salvador.
• Since March, El Salvador has accepted from the U.S. more than 200 Venezuelan immigrants — whom Dump administration officials have accused of gang activity and violent crimes, often with no evidence and no due process — and placed them inside the country’s notorious maximum-security gang prison just outside of the capital San Salvador.
• That’s where the aforementioned Kilmar Abrego García — sent there by mistake — is being held.
• Bukele — whose government has arrested more than 84,000 people as part of his three-year crackdown on gangs — has made it clear he’s a big ally of Dumpy.
• Perhaps that’s because the U.S. is paying about $6 million for El Salvador to imprison the Venezuelan immigrants for a year. When a federal judge ordered Dumpy to turn around a flight carrying the immigrants already en route to El Salvador, Bukele wrote on social media “Oopsie ... too late.”
• Maybe they like each other because assholes recognize each other.
• And now, The Weather: “Open Sky” by The Ophelias
• From the Sports Desk… NBA playoffs are set in stone. Here’s the coming schedule that starts with the play-in tournament.
• Tuesday: Atlanta at Orlando. Memphis @ Golden State.
• Wednesday: Miami at Chicago. Dallas @ Sacramento.
• After that’s done, the real playoffs kick in… final schedule TBA. Here’s the matchups.
• Eastern Conference: 1-seed Cavaliers vs. TBD. 2-seed Celtics vs. TBD. 3-seed Knicks vs. 6-seed Pistons. 4-seed Pacers vs. 5-seed Bucks.
• Western Conference: 1-seed Thunder vs. TBD. 2-seed Rockets vs. TBD. 3-seed Lakers vs. 6-seed Timberwolves. 4-seed Nuggets vs. 5-seed Clippers.
• In more Sports Desk news, congrats to Rory McIlroy, who overcame a shaky start in the final round of the 89th Masters at Augusta National Golf Club yesterday to defeat Justin Rose in the first hole of a sudden-death playoff.
• McIlroy becomes only the sixth golfer to complete the career Grand Slam. Well done.
• Today in history… Legions loyal to the Roman Senate defeat the forces of Mark Antony in the Battle of Forum Gallorum (43 BC). A celestial phenomenon is reported over Nuremberg, described as an aerial battle (1561). The Society for the Relief of Free Negroes Unlawfully Held in Bondage, the first abolition society in North America, is organized in Philadelphia by Benjamin Franklin and Benjamin Rush (1775). Hungary declares itself independent of Austria (1849). U.S. President Abraham Lincoln is shot in Ford's Theatre by John Wilkes Booth and dies the following day (1865). The first ever commercial motion picture house opens in New York City (1894). Muslims in the Ottoman Empire begin a massacre of Armenians in Adana (1909). The British passenger liner RMS Titanic hits an iceberg in the North Atlantic and begins to sink (1912). The first operational Space Shuttle, Columbia completes its first test flight (1981). The heaviest hailstones ever recorded, each weighing 2.2 pounds, fall on the Gopalganj district of Bangladesh, killing 92 (1986). The Human Genome Project is completed with 99% of the human genome sequenced to an accuracy of 99.99% (2003). The Oregon Supreme Court nullifies marriage licenses issued to same-sex couples a year earlier by Multnomah County (2005). Boko Haram abducts 276 girls from a school in Chibok, Nigeria (2014). The Jupiter Icy Moons Explorer — JUICE — is launched by the European Space Agency (2023).
• April 14 is the birthday of mathematician/astronomer/physicist Christiaan Huygens (1629), actor John Gielgud (1904), physician/politician François Duvalier (1907), actor Rod Steiger (1925), singer-songwriter/guitarist Loretta Lynn (1932), actress/activist Julie Christie (1940), MLB player Pete Rose (1941), guitarist/songwriter Ritchie Blackmore (1945), actor/comedian Brad Garrett (1960), MLB player Greg Maddux (1966), MLB player/manager Brad Ausmus (1969), actor Adrien Brody (1973), rapper Da Brat (1974), martial artist/boxer Anderson Silva (1975), actress Sarah Michelle Gellar (1977), NFL player Baker Mayfield (1995), NFL player D. J. Moore (1997), and NFL player Patrick Surtain II (2000).

Well, I had to hurry through that, much like I’ll be hurrying every moment of the day today. But — as I’ve annoying advised people in similar situations — I know I will feel very good when the high-stress portion of my day is handled and over with, so I’m trying to mentally fast-forward to that point. Easier said than done, I know. But I’ll get there eventually. Enjoy your day.