Random News: April 9, 2025

DISCLAIMER: Zak's Random News is very random and doesn't cover many things, and not everything may be accurate, because I'm just some guy. Go find a real news source.

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Good morning. It’s April 9, 2025, and it’s a Wednesday. I’m enjoying my delicious cup of Peet’s Major Dick’s on this springtime day here in Clownistan.

• News? Sure, why not?
• In his accelerating efforts to destroy the economy, Dumples the Brainless Clown is imposing an additional 84% in levies across all Chinese imports today. That will mean all goods from the country are subject to a tariff of at least 104%.
• China was already set to see tariffs increase by 34% today as part of Dump’s “reciprocal” tariffs package. But then the fucking twat tacked on another 50% after Beijing followed through on its promise to impose 34% retaliatory tariffs on US goods by noon yesterday.
• And of course, after Dumplestiltskin did his financial saber rattling, China said, “Fuck this guy,” and raised tariffs on U.S. goods entering China to 84% starting April 10.
• This would be a good place to remind you that China was America’s second largest source of imports last year, shipping a total of $439 billion worth of goods to the US while the US exported $144 billion worth of goods to China.
• Assuming they go through as planned, the mutual tariffs will wallop domestic industries and will likely result in mass layoffs.
• And then this morning, the European Union approved first set of retaliatory tariffs on $23 billion in U.S. imports.
• They said new duties would start being collected from April 15, with tariffs targeting a wide range of goods, including poultry, grains, clothing, and metals. 
• Want me to point out something good — at least in the long term — about all of this?
• Every single American is going to be impacted by the $6 trillion tax that Dump just dumped on us.
• It’s the largest tax increase in US history.
• And it’s 100% the fault of not only Dump, but every Republican politician who enabled it or didn’t challenge it.
• Every American will go shopping. We will go to grocery stores, retail stores, log onto Amazon, shop at farmers markets, look at cars, household appliances, and open up our wallets for Christmas time.
• And every one of us will constantly look at the prices we are paying, whether it’s our weekly grocery bill to gifts for our kids, and we’ll be aware every fucking day that the only way out of this is to get these incompetent idiots out of our government.
• And as of this morning, Dumpy is completely freaking out with the realization that he’s painted himself into a corner with this horribly thought-out tariff plan put together by idiots.
• He taught the Fed would lower the interest rate. Nope.
• And now Dump is begging Congress to come to his rescue.
• And I don’t think they will, because they have their own asses to protect.
• Side note…
• How does the real president, Elon Musk, feel about all this shit?
• First, he made personal appeals to Dump to end the tariff madness.
• And then he called Dumpy's trade adviser Peter Navarro a "moron" over comments he made about his electric vehicle firm, Tesla. Musk added that Navarro was "dumber than a sack of bricks.”
• Navarro is indeed a moron. I agree, Elon.
• Elon was mad because Navarro called Tesla a "car assembler", rather than a manufacturer, because of its use of foreign-made parts.
• This is also correct. I agree, Peter.
• When asked about the feud between these two men who are both over 50 years old, White House spokeswoman Karoline Leavitt stated, "Boys will be boys."
• Noted.
• You all just suck, you know? You’re like, terrible at everything you do.
• And now, many of Dump’s top supporters who helped him get elected are also coming out with public statements attacking him over the tariffs, including Joe Rogan, Ben Shapiro, Dave Portnoy and others.
• Let’s move on.
• Yesterday, the Supreme Court allowed the Dump administration's firing of 16,000 probationary federal employees go forward, at least for now.
• In yet another unsigned opinion — which is getting pretty weird, as if no justice wants their own name attached to these dubious rulings — and without reaching the question of whether the terminations themselves were lawful, the court said that the nonprofits that brought the case did not have legal standing to sue over federal employees' firings.
• The vote was 7 to 2. Justices Sotomayor and Jackson would have kept the firings paused while the case plays out in the lower courts.
• Of note… the court's narrow ruling applies only to the nonprofits in the lawsuit, and it did not decide on the case as a whole. Nonetheless, the court's decision makes it more difficult for groups affected by government layoffs to challenge mass firings systematically.
• Moving on.
• In horrible news, the Department of Homeland Security and the Internal Revenue Service finalized an agreement to provide sensitive taxpayer data to federal immigration authorities as part of Dump’s deportation fetish.
• The IRS agreed to turn over information about undocumented immigrants who DHS says are already facing deportation orders and are under federal criminal investigation.
• This wasn’t done willingly. Melanie Krause — acting commissioner of the IRS — is resigning over the decision by the treasury department to work with DHS in this manner.
• How it allegedly works: ICE will come to the IRS with the names and address of taxpayers that they believe have violated federal immigration laws.
• The IRS will then cross-reference that information with existing taxpayer data and confirm its accuracy.
• Why does the IRS have this info? Because many undocumented immigrants register with the agency and pay billions of dollars in taxes each year — in exchange for their data staying confidential in most circumstances.
• Under the new deal between the IRS and DHS, why would any undocumented worker file taxes ever again?
• Let’s move on.
• Marcy Rheintgen, a transgender college student, declared, “I am here to break the law,” before entering a women’s restroom at the Florida State Capitol and being led out in handcuffs by police.
• Civil rights attorneys say that her arrest is the first they know of for violating transgender bathroom restrictions passed by numerous state legislatures across the country.
• Capitol police told her she would receive a trespass warning once she entered the women’s restroom to wash her hands and pray the rosary, but she was later placed under arrest when she refused to leave.
• Rheintgen, 20, faces a misdemeanor trespassing charge punishable by up to 60 days in jail and is due to appear in court in May.
• “I wanted people to see the absurdity of this law in practice,” Rheintgen said. “If I’m a criminal, it’s going to be so hard for me to live a normal life, all because I washed my hands. Like, that’s so insane.”
• While at least 14 states have adopted laws barring transgender women from entering women’s bathrooms at public schools and, in some cases, other government buildings, only two — Florida and Utah — criminalize the act.
• What needs to happen next is a barrage of muscular and bearded transgender men to enter the bathroom of their “biological gender” as these laws require.
• What, you don’t want these burly men to pee with your daughter? Why not? You made this the law, you fucking dumbfucks.
• And now, The Weather: “Hardly” by Free Range
• From the Sports Desk… in pro sports more than anywhere, the saying “You’re only as good as your last game” is always legitimate.
• Cases in point: yesterday, the Denver Nuggets fired coach Michael Malone and general manager Calvin Booth.
• But wait. Malone led the Nuggets to an NBA championship just two seasons ago, and they are currently in fourth place in the Western Conference standings.
• Not good enough, I guess.
• Today in history… Mongol forces defeat the Polish and German armies (1241). Despite being outnumbered 16:1, forces of the Old Swiss Confederacy are victorious over the Archduchy of Austria in the Battle of Näfels (1388). Robert Cavelier de La Salle discovers the mouth of the Mississippi River, claims it for France and names it Louisiana (1682). On his phonautograph machine, Édouard-Léon Scott de Martinville makes the oldest known recording of an audible human voice (1860). Robert E. Lee surrenders the Army of Northern Virginia (26,765 troops) to Ulysses S. Grant at Appomattox Court House, Virginia, effectively ending the war (1865). African-American singer Marian Anderson gives a concert at the Lincoln Memorial after being denied the use of Constitution Hall (1939). The United States Atomic Energy Commission is formed (1945). The Journey of Reconciliation, the first interracial Freedom Ride begins through the upper South in violation of Jim Crow laws (1947). NASA announces the selection of the United States' first seven astronauts, whom the news media quickly dub the "Mercury Seven” (1959). The first Boeing 737 makes its maiden flight (1967). Baghdad falls to American forces in the Iraq War (2003). Dr. David Dao Duy Anh is forcibly dragged off the flight by aviation security officers, leading to major criticism of United Airlines (2017).
• April 9 is the birthday of flute player/composer Theobald Boehm (1794), poet Charles Baudelaire (1821), NFL player/coach Curly Lambeau (1898), singer-songwriter/guitarist Carl Perkins (1932), actor Avery Schreiber (1935), screenwriter Marty Krofft (1937), actress Michael Learned (1939), drummer Steve Gadd (1945), actor Dennis Quaid (1954), journalist Joe Scarborough (1963), actress Cynthia Nixon (1966), actor/writer/director Jay Chandrasekhar (1968), actress Jenna Jameson (1974), singer-songwriter Albert Hammond Jr. (1980), actress Kristen Stewart (1990), actress Elle Fanning (1998), and rapper Lil Nas X (1999).

That’s plenty for now. Look, we’re not going to let someone as incompetent as Dumpy ruin our lives. I know this. The scary thing isn’t Dump. It’s the smarter and easily acceptable person who is now taking notes and learning from Dump’s mistakes. That person will be someone else’s job to handle. For now, keep fighting, keep resisting, and never lose hope. Enjoy your day.