Random News: March 12, 2025

DISCLAIMER: Zak's Random News is very random and doesn't cover many things, and not everything may be accurate, because I'm just some guy. Go find a real news source.

---

Good morning. It’s March 12, 2025, and it’s a Wednesday. It’s now day three of my being annoyed at feeling like my alarm is going off in the middle of the night, but as years past have shown, I’m gradually accepting this affront to my circadian rhythm. I’ll be less whiny by the weekend.

• We need to talk about measles, the disease which was once considered completely eradicated in the USA via vaccination.
• And now? Not.
• The measles outbreak in western Texas is continuing to grow with 25 cases confirmed over the last five days, bringing the total to 223 cases as of yesterday.
• And as you’d kinda expect, almost all of the cases are in unvaccinated individuals or in people whose vaccination status is unknown. At least 29 people have been hospitalized so far.
• The new data in Texas comes as the Oklahoma State Department of Health reported two cases of measles in the state yesterday.
• And a case of measles has been confirmed in a Los Angeles County resident who recently traveled through the Los Angeles International airport.
• Two measles deaths have been reported so far in the U.S. One was an unvaccinated school-aged child in Texas. His was the first measles death recorded in the U.S. in a decade.
• Because before that, people weren’t brainwashed idiots who don’t give their own children a fighting chance at survival by properly vaccinating them.
• Yes, if that’s you, I did just call you an idiot, and I’m sorry for your kids.
• Speaking of kids…
• Yesterday, the Department of Education announced it is cutting its workforce by nearly 50% as Dumpy proceeds with his plans to destroy the agency.
• The department said affected staff would be placed on leave starting Friday, March 21, and will receive full pay and benefits until June 9, in addition to severance and retirement benefits.
• The agency's workforce is being slashed from 4,133 workers to about 2,183.
• I have to say, the effects of this “Dump Fucks America” process will indeed be felt for many years to come.
• Let’s move on.
• Today, the European Union decided it’s had enough with Dumpy’s assholery, and announced retaliatory trade action with new duties on U.S. industrial and farm products, responding within hours to Dump’s increase in tariffs on all steel and aluminum imports to 25%.
• The world’s biggest trading bloc was expecting the U.S. tariffs and prepared in advance, but the measures still place great strain on already tense trans-Atlantic relations. Only last month, Washington warned Europe that it would have to take care of its own security in the future.
• The EU measures will cover goods from the United States worth around 26 billion euros ($28 billion), and not just steel and aluminum products, but also textiles, home appliances, and agricultural goods.
• Motorcycles, bourbon, peanut butter, and jeans will also be hit, as they were during Dumples the Clown’s first term.
• Slow clap. And, dear reader, I’m hoping that whatever industry you work in doesn’t rely on sales to Europe for your success.
• Because that’s not going to be easy for a good long while. Oh, you just do business with Canada?
• Sorry, you’re fucked too.
• Today, Canada is announcing over $20 billion in retaliatory tariffs in response to the 25% steel and aluminum tariffs that Dumpy the Money Dummy has leveled.
• Moving on.
• A union for U.S. Agency for International Development contractors asked a federal judge yesterday to intervene in any destruction of classified documents after an email ordered staffers to help burn and shred agency records.
• It comes as the Dump administration has been dismantling USAID, cutting off most federal funding, and terminating 83% of humanitarian and development programs abroad, and shutting down the agency’s Washington headquarters.
• Lawsuits are mounting over the abrupt shutdown of most U.S. foreign assistance and the targeting of the aid agency. In the latest court challenge, Personal Services Contractor Association, representing thousands of contractors now furloughed or fired from USAID, asked the judge to stop any document destruction to preserve evidence.
• More from the International Desk…
• In their usual flip-floppy way, yesterday the Dump administration lifted its suspension of military aid and intelligence sharing for Ukraine, and Kyiv signaled that it was open to a 30-day ceasefire in the war with Russia, pending Moscow’s agreement.
• Secretary of State Marco Rubio said the U.S. would present the ceasefire offer to the Kremlin.
• The announcements emerged as senior officials from Ukraine and the United States opened talks in Saudi Arabia focused on ending Moscow’s three-year war against Kyiv, hours after Ukraine’s biggest attack since the Kremlin ordered the full-scale invasion of its neighbor.
• We’ll see how it goes. I don’t trust anything this administration says or does.
• Still on the international front, let’s do some news from Greenland, that huge island to the north that’s — at least for now — a self-governing territory of Denmark.
• Their center-right Demokraatit Party won the most votes in the country’s parliamentary elections yesterday, a surprise result as the territory went to the polls in the shadow of Dumpy the Colonist Clown's stated goal of taking control of the island “one way or another.”
• Both of Greenland’s major parties favor independence from Denmark, but differ on the pace of change. Demokraatit's upset victory over parties that have governed the territory for years indicates that many in Greenland care just as much about health care, education, cultural heritage, and other social policies.
• The island of 56,000 people has been on a path toward independence since at least 2009, and the 31 lawmakers elected will shape the island's future as it debates whether the time has come to declare independence.
• They will fight against Dumpy, and they will win.
• One thing that’s always consistent: everything Dump touches dies. And yesterday he touched a Tesla.
• Dump said he will buy a Tesla as a show of support for CEO Elon Musk’s electric carmaker as it faces boycotts and even vandalism.
• So, let me start with the comedy: you know and I know and everyone knows that Dump doesn’t know how to drive a car.
• But if Dumpy’s intention is to help reverse the frightening plunge in Tesla’s stock, this will almost certainly have the opposite effect by turning off even more buyers.
• Dump claimed in a social post that “Radical Left Lunatics” were attempting to “illegally and collusively boycott Tesla, one of the World’s great automakers, and Elon’s ’baby.”
• Um… boycotts are not illegal. They’re the way that people express displeasure with a company for their shitty behavior. If I walk up and slap you and then ask for your money, you have every right to tell me to fuck off.
• And that’s what we’re saying to Elon. Fuck off, you weird freak.
• Dumpy’s message came after one of the worst single day sell-offs in Tesla’s history. 
• Speaking of Dump’s social posts…
• Something happened over this past weekend that you may have missed, and it’s too important to let slide.
• Dumples the Clown posted an article on social media featuring a deeply troubling image: a pink triangle — the Nazi-era symbol used to identify and persecute gay men in concentration camps — covered with a red prohibited sign.
• As in, “NO GAYS."
• Historically, the LGBTQ+ rights movement reclaimed the pink triangle as a symbol of resistance, pride, and remembrance.
• I’ve been telling you over and over… it won’t be long before some ass-kissing sycophant of Dump introduces legislation to make the very existence of gay people illegal.
• Don’t be surprised when it happens.
• Let’s move on.
• The U.S. Department of Agriculture is cutting two federal programs that provided about $1 billion in funding to schools and food banks to buy food directly from local farms, ranchers, and producers.
• The move cancels about $660 million in funding this year for the Local Food for Schools program, which is active in 40 U.S. states, as well as about $420 million for a second program called the Local Food Purchase Assistance Cooperative Agreement, which helps food banks and other local groups provide food to their communities. 
• So President Musk and his whipping boy Donnie Dump are not only screwing over hungry students, but also America’s farmers.
• The withdrawal of funding will affect schools across the U.S. at a time when they're already grappling with high food costs. 
• And now, The Weather: “Final Generations” by Raisa K
• From the Not-Sports Desk… the Eagles will be visiting the White House on April 28 to celebrate their Super Bowl LIX victory over the Kansas City Chiefs.
• A team spokesperson confirmed the Eagles accepted the invitation. The Eagles did not go to the White House following their Super Bowl LII win over the New England Patriots in 2018. Li’l Donnie Dump canceled the event when he learned only a small number of players planned to attend.
• A quick note on some background here…
• The Eagles were central to a player-led movement dedicated to shining a light on social injustice, which included some players protesting during the playing of the national anthem before games.
• Just FYI, for context. We’ll see how the visit with Dumpy goes. Maybe he’ll give them some hamburders.
• From the Sports Desk… a small story that’s significant for non-sports reasons.
• The Buffalo Bills have re-signed safety Damar Hamlin to a one-year extension. Hamlin began his career as a backup and special teams player. He had opportunities to start in 2022 due to injuries, starting in 13 games.
• That included a horrifying Monday Night Football game in Cincinnati on January 2, 2023, when he took a hit to the chest and his heart stopped.
• Not only did he rehabilitate and return later that season as a backup, but in 2024, Hamlin earned and maintained the starting job and kept the role. Well done.
• Today in history… The Girl Guides — later renamed the Girl Scouts of the USA — are founded in the United States (1912). Moscow becomes the capital of Russia again after Saint Petersburg held this status for most of the period since 1713 (1918). Franklin D. Roosevelt addresses the nation for the first time as President of the United States, the first of his "fireside chats” (1933). Sir Tim Berners-Lee submits his proposal to CERN for an information management system, which subsequently develops into the World Wide Web (1989). Former Warsaw Pact members the Czech Republic, Hungary and Poland join NATO (1999). Financier Bernie Madoff pleads guilty to one of the largest frauds in Wall Street's history (2009). A reactor at the Fukushima Daiichi Nuclear Power Plant explodes and releases radioactivity into the atmosphere a day after the 2011 Tōhoku earthquake and tsunami (2011). The United States suspends travel from Europe due to the COVID-19 pandemic (2020).
• March 12 is the birthday of composer Thomas Arne (1710), US first lady Jane Pierce (1806), farmer Charles Boycott (1832), record company founder Leonard Chess (1917), author Jack Kerouac (1922), astronaut Wally Schirra (1923), playwright Edward Albee (1928), actress Barbara Feldon (1933), singer Al Jarreau (1940), actress/singer Liza Minnelli (1946), politician Mitt Romney (1947), singer-songwriter James Taylor (1948), songwriter/bass player Steve Harris (1956), MLB player Darryl Strawberry (1962), colonel/politician Tammy Duckworth (1968), journalist Jake Tapper (1969), and NBA player Isaiah Rider (1971).

Okay then. I’m out of time and that’s plenty to consider for now. Enjoy your day.