Random News: March 18, 2025

DISCLAIMER: Zak's Random News is very random and doesn't cover many things, and not everything may be accurate, because I'm just some guy. Go find a real news source.

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Good morning. It’s March 18, 2025, and it’s a Tuesday. This is one of those moments in time that — if you’re paying attention — will probably be part of an exam for which some 11th grader will have to study in a future US History class.

• I’m calling it: the cold civil war has begun. There’s no doubt in my mind anymore.
• Yesterday, a federal judge ordered the U.S. Justice Department to provide a sworn declaration by today at noon with details on how plane-loads of alleged Venezuelan gang members were deported despite his order to turn the planes around.
• The hearing yesterday centered on whether the government complied with the Judge James Boasberg's temporary restraining order -– with a debate about when exactly the order was issued, where U.S. custody over deportees ends, or whether an oral order versus a written order holds the same weight to restrain government action.
• The long story short…
• On Saturday, Boasberg issued an emergency order that told the administration to stop using wartime powers to immediately deport people, and turn around any planes already in the air. 
• But the Dump criminal gang said on Sunday that the order came too late to stop the deportations, as planes were already outside U.S. territory.
• They were full of shit. 
• Data showed two planes carrying the deportees were still in the air by the time of the judge's written order at 7:26pm — and a third plane only took off at 7:37pm, after the written order.
• And the judge had already issued an oral order at 6:45pm. That means the government violated the Court’s command, straight up.
• How did the government respond after that?
• Dump’s border czar (whatever that means) Tom Homan indicated yesterday that the fucking clown-in-chief planned to continue such deportations despite the court’s order. “We’re not stopping,” Homan said. “I don’t care what the judges think.
• And also yesterday, the DOJ filed papers saying there was no need for them to appear in court, since they did not intend to provide Judge Boasberg with any additional information.
• And then the Department of Justice asked a federal appeals court in Washington, D.C., to replace Judge Boasberg.
• The request, which cited what they claim to be Boasberg’s“inappropriate exercise of jurisdiction.”
• And then, Attorney General Pam Bondi said the Dump administration would “absolutely” continue to take illegal actions despite a ruling from a federal judge ordering them to pause their efforts. 
• So, this is straight-up dictator shit, and is 100% against the Constitution of the United States and our laws. That means we are now in a constitutional crisis, which is the flashpoint of any civil war.
• We will continue to keep a close eye on that situation as it continues to develop today.
• Moving on for now.
• From the “It’s About Fucking Time” Desk…
• Yesterday, leading Democrats demanded an investigation of possible criminal corruption involving Elon Musk, the tech billionaire and world’s richest man who is controlling the pseudo-president El Dumpo.
• Senators Chris Van Hollen, Richard Blumenthal, and Elizabeth Warren — three Democrats with balls — wrote to AG Pam Bondi and the transportation department that the investigation should involve “the Federal Aviation Administration’s decision to cancel a $2.4 billion contract with Verizon to upgrade air traffic control communications, and to pay Musk’s Starlink to help manage US airspace.”
• They continued that an investigation would determine whether Musk, “in his capacity as a special government employee in the White House has participated in any particular matter in which he has a financial interest, which would violate the criminal conflict-of-interest statute.”
• They also state that as a special government employee, Musk should be “subject to federal conflict-of-interest rules” and “may be using his government role to benefit his own private company.”
• It goes on to say, “Additionally, Starlink has begun shipping its hardware to the FAA, though the company has stated that it is providing satellite kits to the agency free of charge. However, sources suggest that the FAA is ordering staff to ‘begin finding tens of millions of dollars for a Starlink deal.’”
• Fucking piece of shit thieves. That’s our tax money, folks.
• A second letter sent by the three Senators, and joined by Sen. Jeff Merkley (D-OR) and congressman Jamie Raskin (D-MD), to Susie Wiles, Dump’s White House chief of staff.
• They cited powers of congressional oversight in requiring her to “provide written assurances that [the administration] will immediately remediate the worst” instances of a long list of conflicts of interest and corruption arising from Dumpy’s first two months in power.
• And a third letter asked Gene Dodaro, the comptroller general, to mount a Government Accountability Office investigation into whether the appointment of former Georgia congressman Doug Collins to run both the US Department of Veterans Affairs and the Office of Government Ethics is undermining either body.
• Fuck yes. Get their asses. Let’s fucking go.
• Let’s move over the the International Desk for a moment.
• Israel launched airstrikes across the Gaza Strip early today, killing hundreds of Palestinians, including women and children. The surprise bombardment shattered a ceasefire in place since January and threatened to fully reignite the 17-month-old war.
• Fucking assholes.
• At least 404 people were killed in the strikes and more than 560 were wounded. Rescuers are still searching the rubble. It is among the deadliest days of the war, which has killed over 48,000 Palestinians and displaced an estimated 90% of Gaza’s population.
• Netanyahu said he ordered the strikes because of a lack of progress in talks to extend the ceasefire. Shocking no one, Dump said we’d been consulted and voiced support for Israel’s actions.
• 400 people dead, hundreds more injured… for what?
• Disgusting. Let’s move on.
• France wants the Statue of Liberty back. Can you blame them?\
• The call for the return of the Statue of Liberty — a gift from France some 140 years ago — is based on the grounds that the United States no longer represents the values embodied by the monument.
• That would be correct. Don’t believe me? Read part of the inscription from poet Emma Lazarus.
• "Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!"
• Are those tired, poor, homeless people welcome to come to America today? No? Then why is it on the statue that welcomes immigrants to our formerly fine land?
• The call to return Lady Liberty is symbolic, at least for the most part. Still, the Dump administration had to be assholes about it, saying France would be speaking German if it wasn’t for us.
• Someone remind the White House that we’d never have had a country at all without France’s help in the Revolutionary War.
• We’d be having tea and crumpets and hailing the King.
• Moving on.
• I almost didn’t bother mentioning this next story, considering how not only ridiculous it is, but also mind-bogglingly hypocritical.
• Yesterday, Dumples the Fucking Assclown claimed without evidence President Joe Biden used an autopen to sign the pardons and so he considered them "hereby declared VOID, VACANT, AND OF NO FURTHER FORCE OR EFFECT."
• It reminds me of when the character Michael Scott on “The Office” screamed “I DECLARE BANKRUPTCY!"
• It doesn’t work like that.
• Dump, the only candidate in history who made retribution against his perceived political enemies a focal point of his campaign, said the preemptive pardons for members of the House Jan. 6 select committee were voided.
• So first, there is no law that allows one president to overturn the pardons of a previous one.
• And second, there’s nothing illegal about the use of an autopen.
• As recently as 2005, the Justice Department determined that autopens were constitutional and could be used for a president to sign a bill into law in a study commissioned by then-President George W. Bush.
• Many other presidents including Barack Obama (who used an autopen to extend the Patriot Act, avert a fiscal crisis and more during his administration), Lyndon B. Johnson, and John F. Kennedy, are also documented as having used the device.
• And the capper? Dump himself uses an autopen to sign documents. So either Biden’s pardons aren’t enforceable, or everything Dump ever did is null and void as well.
• Fucking dumbass piece of shit asshole laughing stock fat orange baboon.
• Whew. Alrighty. Let’s just move on.
• Some extraordinary news from the Space Desk…
• Scientists announced yesterday that the James Webb Space Telescope has directly observed the key chemical of carbon dioxide in planets outside of our solar system for the first time.\
• To be clear, these planets are gas giants — like Jupiter or Uranus — that are not capable of hosting extraterrestrial life. But they do offer clues in a lingering mystery about how distant planets form.
• The HR 8799 system, 130 light years from Earth, is only 30 million years old — just a baby compared to our solar system's 4.6 billion years. A U.S.-led team of researchers used Webb to directly detect carbon dioxide in the atmosphere of all four of the system's known planets.
• And here’s the cool thing. Up until now, the only way we’ve been able to observe exoplanets is to see them traversing across their home star. But this time, 
• But for this latest discovery, we're actually seeing the light that is emitted from the planet itself, as opposed to the fingerprint of that light from the host star. That’s fucking bonkers.
• The comparison given by astrophysicist William Balmer is like using a torch to spot fireflies next to a lighthouse.
• And that’s what allowed them to use Webb's coronagraph instruments — which block the light from bright stars to get a better view of the planets revolving around them — and discover the CO2.
• And while these gas giants may not be able to host life, it is possible that they had moons that could. Carbon dioxide is essential for life on Earth, making it a key target in the search for life elsewhere.
• I’d say the discovery of the first proof of extraterrestrial life could be imminent… but last week, Dump announced that NASA's chief scientist has been dismissed, and more cuts were to come for the U.S. space agency.
• Oh well.
• And now, The Weather: “Morning Fever” by Matt MacNeil
• From the Sports Desk… is it too early to start talking about NBA playoffs?
• No, not at all. The NBA regular season lasts 82 games, meaning there are only about 15 games left. If the playoffs started now, here would be the seeding…
• Eastern Conference: 1. Cavaliers (56-11). 2. Celtics (49-19). 3. Knicks (43-24). 4. Bucks (38-29). 5. Pacers (38-29). 6. Pistons (38-31).
• The Cavs and Celtics have already secured a playoff spot.
• Western Conference: 1. Thunder (56-12). 2. Rockets (44-25). 3. Nuggets (44-25). 4. Lakers (42-25). 5. Grizzlies (43-26). 6. Warriors (39-29).
• Only OKC has locked in a playoff spot in the west thus far.
• Today in history… Mongols overwhelm Polish armies in Kraków in the Battle of Chmielnik and plunder the city (1241). English lord John Berkeley sells his half of New Jersey to the Quakers (1673). The British Parliament repeals the Stamp Act (1766). Six farm laborers from Tolpuddle, Dorset, England are sentenced to be transported to Australia for forming a trade union (1834). The Congress of the Confederate States adjourns for the last time (1865). The Hawaiian Kingdom signs a treaty with the United States granting exclusive trade rights (1874). Mohandas Gandhi is sentenced to six years in prison for civil disobedience (1922). Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini meet at the Brenner Pass in the Alps and agree to form an alliance against France and the United Kingdom (1940). Cosmonaut Alexei Leonov, leaving his spacecraft Voskhod 2 for 12 minutes, becomes the first person to walk in space (1965). The U.S. Congress repeals the requirement for a gold reserve to back US currency (1968). Israel launches widespread aerial bombardments and attacks on the Gaza Strip, killing at least 404 people, including children (2025).
• March 18 is the birthday of US vice president John C. Calhoun (1782), US president Grover Cleveland (1837), UK prime minister Neville Chamberlain (1869), mathematician Agnes Sime Baxter (1870), mystic Edgar Cayce (1877), businessman Ernest Gallo (1909), activist Fred Shuttlesworth,  (1922), race car driver/businessman Andy Granatelli (1923), journalist/actor George Plimpton (1927), businesswoman/philanthropist Lillian Vernon (1927), novelist John Updike (1932), singer Charley Pride (1934), singer-songwriter Wilson Pickett (1941), singer-songwriter Eric Woolfson (1945), actor Brad Dourif (1950), guitarist/composer Bill Frisell (1951), singer-songwriter Irene Cara (1959), model/actress Vanessa L. Williams (1963), singer-songwriter/guitarist Jerry Cantrell (1966), rapper/actress Queen Latifah (1970), NBA player Brian Scalabrine (1978), singer-songwriter Adam Levine (1979), singer-songwriter Lykke Li (1986), and MLB player J. T. Realmuto (1991).

That’s plenty to ingest for now. And I’d like to welcome all of you to the cold civil war. There will be a cocktail reception this evening. Later, we’ll get to topics like the best weaponry to defend against MAGA insurgents, and information on how to build a gallows. Enjoy your day.