Random News: March 22, 2025

DISCLAIMER: Zak's Random News is very random and doesn't cover many things, and not everything may be accurate, because I'm just some guy. Go find a real news source.

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Good morning. It’s March 22, 2025, and it’s a Saturday. I’m chilling in my blue bathrobe and am enjoying a cup of Seattle’s Best Portside Blend. It’s a medium roast and quite tasty, and was on sale for $6.99/pound. I’m never above a good deal as long as the product is acceptably good. This definitely is.

• Some news.
• The Dumpy administration is revoking the temporary legal status of more than half a million migrants from Cuba, Haiti, Nicaragua, and Venezuela.
• They are being encouraged to “self deport.” I doubt that most of them have the financial means to just head back to their origin countries, and most of them escaped horrible conditions there and don’t want to go back regardless.
• In any case, those migrants have been warned to leave the country before their permits and deportation shield are cancelled on April 24.
• The 530,000 migrants were brought into the U.S. under a Biden-era sponsorship process known as CHNV that was designed to open legal pathways and slow down illegal migration. Dump, of course, suspended the program once he took office.
• Brown people are definitely no longer welcome in the USA.
• It is unclear how many of these migrants have been able to secure another status in the interim that would allow them to stay in the US legally, but it can’t be many.
• What about white Europeans? Doesn’t Dumpy like them?
• Well, he’s also considering whether to cancel the temporary legal status of some 240,000 Ukrainians who fled to the US during the conflict with Russia.
• And send them back to Ukraine.
• That’s Dump for ya’.
• In related news…
• In case you’re unfamiliar with the band U.K. Subs, I can tell you that they’re an iconic and highly influential leader in the world of hardcore punk. Formed in 1976, they are among the earliest in the first wave of British punk.
• And now members of the band were denied entry and detained in the U.S.
• Bassist Alvin Gibbs shared details of the incident this week, which comes amid widespread reports of people being denied entry to the country.
• Gibbs, along with bandmates Marc Carrey and Stefan Häublein, were deported back to merry Old following their detainment.
• Gibbs was told he was being flagged by immigration for having an incorrect visa, which was not true.
• “I can’t help but wonder whether my frequent, and less than flattering, public comments regarding their president and his administration played a role — or perhaps I’m simply succumbing to paranoia,” he said.
• His luggage, phone, and passport were confiscated, and he was questioned and held in detention for 25 hours before being sent straight back to England.
• A word of warning to even U.S. citizens who are leaving the country and returning. When a French researcher was denied entry to the U.S. earlier this month, it was because CBP agents searched his phone and found exchanges with colleagues and friends in which he expressed a negative personal opinion on the Dump administration’s research policy.
• So that’s where we’re at. Legally or otherwise, Dump will not hesitate to allow people who criticize him into the country, and soon enough that will expand to born-and-raised U.S. citizens.
• So I also send this note of caution to some of my friends attending the upcoming Second Life Jam in Toronto, or anyone else leaving the USA and planning to return… make sure your phone and other devices are squeaky clean.
• Delete all of your social apps. Trash all messages in any apps. Clear all browser cache. Go through your email and eliminate any references to Dumpy or President Musk and his minions. Same with photos.
• And then empty the trash or other storage of recently deleted files. And then power off and restart your phone/devices.
• I’m not at all kidding. Just having this very news report accessible on your Facebook or in your Google cache might be enough to get you sent to El Salvador or Guantánamo.
• Moving on.
• Yesterday, Dumples the Paranoid Clown took away security clearances for former Vice President Kamala Harris, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, and other people who scare him.
• "I have determined that it is no longer in the national interest for the following individuals to access classified information," said The Dumpster in a late Friday memorandum that also included former Secretary of State Antony Blinken.
• Dump had already revoked the security clearance for Biden, denying the former president to the traditional access to U.S. intelligence.
• Former U.S. presidents have traditionally received intelligence briefings so they can advise incumbent presidents on national security and foreign policy.
• So all that is pretty typical for a wanna-be fascist dictator. My level of shock is at 0%.
• Let’s move on.
• I want to bring your attention once again to the leading voice for voters opposed to Dump's rapid dismantling of the federal government — and who are frustrated with the Democratic Party's response.
• His name? Senator Bernie Sanders. Bernie's fiery form of economic populism attacking the growing influence of billionaires and corporations in politics are not new, but interest in both message and messenger has been renewed by Dump's second term and the outsized role Elon Musk has played in cutting federal spending and pushing agencies to fire workers.
• This week on Thursday, Sanders kicked off a western swing of his "Fighting Oligarchy" tour with rallies in Las Vegas and Tempe, AZ. joined by New York Democratic Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.
• The pair spoke to an overflow crowd of thousands inside and outside the Mullett Arena at Arizona State University about the threat that Dump and his allies pose to American voters and the government.
• "We will not allow you to move this country into an oligarchy," pledged our hero Bernie, speaking directly to Dumpy. "We're not going to allow you and your friend Mr. Musk and the other billionaires to wreak havoc on the working families of this country. No, you're not going to destroy Social Security. You're not going to destroy Medicaid. You're not going to destroy the Veterans administration."
• See? How hard is that?
• And then yesterday, more than 30,000 people showed up in Denver, CO to hear Bernie speak, a larger crowd than any event during his two presidential runs.
• As larger and larger crowds attend Sanders' events and more people call for a shakeup within the Democratic Party's strategy, a recurring question has popped up: why don't more Democrats sound like Bernie Sanders?
• (Raises hand) Because they’re giant fucking pussies who are still trying to maintain the status quo while the world is falling apart around them, maybe?
• Anyway, for his part, Sanders is not surprised his longstanding message seems to be resonating with people across the ideological spectrum.
• ”Because if you're a working class Republican, you don't think it makes a lot of sense to give a trillion dollars in tax breaks to the richest people in this country and then cut the [Department of Veterans Affairs], go after Social Security and make $800 billion cuts in Medicaid. Republican, independent, Democrat… very few people think that makes any sense at all."
• I agree. Let’s Go Bernie!
• Back in Dumpyworld…
• Dump’s acting Social Security commissioner Leland Dudek threatened Thursday evening to shut down the entire department by barring Social Security Administration employees from accessing its computer systems in response to a judge’s order blocking the U.S. DOGE Service from accessing sensitive taxpayer data.
• Dudek initially told news outlets, including in an interview yesterday with The Washington Post, that the judge’s decision to bar sensitive data access to “DOGE affiliates” was overly broad and that to comply, he might have to block virtually all SSA employees from accessing the agency’s computer systems.
• But Judge Ellen Lipton Hollander of the U.S. District Court for the District of Maryland, who issued the order, said in a letter that Dudek’s assertions “were inaccurate.”
• And then Dudek got his ass chewed off by Dumpy, who doesn’t want people being aware how easily the whole country’s Social Security could stop without warning.
• In response to Hollander’s letter, Dudek said in a statement that the court clarified its guidance and “therefore, I am not shutting down the agency.”
• He then thanked the judge he had threatened just hours before, and added, “[The White House] called me and let me know it’s important to reaffirm to the public that we’re open for business The White House did remind me that I was out of line and so did the judge. And I appreciate that.”
• Hahahahahahahahaha. Oh yes, Leland, I’m sure you appreciated having your ass handed to you and for you to publicly wear it as a hat.
• In less funny news about Social Security, Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick stated this week that only "fraudsters" would complain about missing a Social Security check — but honest people would simply live with the fact that the government didn't mail their monthly payment.
• Uh huh. Sounds like they’re laying the tracks that lead to people not getting the money that they paid into their entire lives.
• Lutnick said, “Let's say social security didn't send out their checks this month. My mother who’s 94, she wouldn’t call and complain. She’d think something got messed up, and she'll get it next month. A fraudster always makes the loudest noise, screaming, yelling and complaining.” 
• So to be clear, if the government steals your money and you complain, you’re a fraudster.
• Does that sound right to you? MAGA folks? Anyone?
• Let’s move back to some more comedy from the Comedian in Chief.
• Yesterday, Dumpy downplayed his involvement in invoking the Alien Enemies Act of 1798 to deport Venezuelan migrants, saying that he hadn’t signed the proclamation.
• “I don’t know when it was signed, because I didn’t sign it,” whined Dump before leaving the White House last night.
• As you know, that order was the alleged legal justification for hurriedly throwing a bunch of migrants on planes, at least some of whom had no gang affiliation or any evidence of crimes that would justify their rapid expulsion.
• Dump continued to shift the blame. “I don’t know when it was signed, because I didn’t sign it. Other people handled it, but Marco Rubio has done a great job and he wanted them out and we go along with that. We want to get criminals out of our country.”
• But wait.
• The proclamation invoking the Alien Enemies Act currently appears in the Federal Register with Trump’s signature at the bottom.
• Hahahahahahahahahahaha. What a demented dipshit this guy is. If you’re going to lie, why do it on topics that are so easily disprovable? Any third-grader with an internet connection can see Dump’s signature on it literally right now.
• Moving on.
• Want to live for a long time?
• Not in America you don’t. The U.S. now ranks dead last in life expectancy compared to other developed countries, and it’s really not even close.
• Switzerland - 84.2. Japan - 84.1. Sweden - 83.4. France - 83.1. Australia - 83.1. Comparable Country Average - 82.5. Netherlands - 82.0. Canada - 81.7. United Kingdom - 81.1. Germany - 80.6. United States - 78.4.
• And now, for no reason… Fun Fact: I live on an entirely different continental plate than many of you other Americans reading this.
• All of us west of the San Andreas Fault live on the Pacific Plate, whereas the rest of you live on the North America plate. My plate is by far the largest on the planet at 39,900,000 sq mi, though most of it is underwater.
• Our plates hooked up about 30 million years ago. Had they not, the southwestern edge of the USA would look a lot different.
• I like my plate. Scenic, rugged. Watery.
• And now, The Weather: “We Who Are About To” by Wife Patrol
• Let’s do a chart.
• It was 44 years ago, in March 1981, that Billboard launched a separate Top Tracks (Rock) chart for some reason.
• Me? I was in 8th grade, in my final semester of middle school and ready to be in high school and do more adult-type things. I believe at the time, I was walking around margate Intermediate School and holding hands with a girl named Julie Stanton.
• 1. I Can't Stand It (Eric Clapton). 2. While You See A Chance (Steve Winwood). 3. Party’s Over (Journey). 4. Hold On Loosely (.38 Special). 5. You Better You Bet (The Who). 6. Turn Me Loose (Loverboy). 7. Limelight (Rush). 8. Rocking The Paradise (Styx). 9. Keep On Loving You (REO Speedwagon). 10. Tom Sawyer (Rush). 11. Don't Stand So Close To Me (The Police). 12. 96 Tears (Garland Jeffreys). 13. Don’t Let Him Go (REO Speedwagon). 14. Fade Away (Bruce Springsteen). 15. For You (Manfred Mann). 16. Best Of Times (Styx). 17. Take It On The Run (REO Speedwagon). 18. Rita Mae (Eric Clapton). 19. Hearts On Fire (Randy Meisner). 20. Ah Leah (Donnie Iris).
• From the Sports Desk… kiss your stupid bracket goodbye.
• Millions and millions people filled out brackets for the Men’s NCAA basketball tournament, known as March Madness.
• And through yesterday’s first round, the number of perfect brackets in the NCAA Tournament was down to 81. Out of 34 million. That’s 0.0000002% for those of you keeping track.
• ESPN’s tracker listed 121 perfect brackets remaining out of 24 million on its site. Yahoo Sports’ brackets are down a mathematic zero — just 30 perfect brackets remain. CBS Sports had a similar attrition rate, down to 0.0008% unblemished brackets by the end of yesterday.
• Ah well. I’ll tell you again: I don’t do college sports. I barely have the time to pay attention to professional sports.
• Today in history… Roman emperor Severus Alexander is murdered, marking the start of the Crisis of the Third Century (235). The Pilgrims of Plymouth Colony sign a peace treaty with Massasoit of the Wampanoags (1621). The Massachusetts Bay Colony outlaws the possession of cards, dice, and gaming tables (1631). The British Parliament passes the Stamp Act that introduces a tax to be levied directly on its American colonies (1765). The Slave Trade Act of 1794 bans the export of slaves from the United States, and prohibits American citizens from outfitting a ship for the purpose of importing slaves (1794). In North Carolina, William Woods Holden becomes the first governor of a U.S. state to be removed from office by impeachment (1871). The Stanley Cup ice hockey competition is held for the first time, in Montreal, Canada (1894). Nazi Germany opens its first concentration camp, Dachau (1933). The first Masters Tournament is held at Augusta National Golf Club in Georgia (1934). Arthur Leonard Schawlow and Charles Hard Townes receive the first patent for a laser (1960). The Beatles release their debut album ‘Please Please Me’ (1963). In Eisenstadt v. Baird, the United States Supreme Court decides that unmarried persons have the right to possess contraceptives (1972). NASA's Space Shuttle Columbia is launched from the Kennedy Space Center on its third mission, STS-3 (1982). The Intel Corporation ships the first Pentium chips (80586), featuring a 60 MHz clock speed, 100+ MIPS, and a 64 bit data path (1993). Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi announces the country's largest ever self-imposed curfew, in an effort to fight the spread of COVID-19 (2020). Greek Prime Minister Kyriakos Mitsotakis announces a national lockdown and the country's first ever self-imposed curfew, in an effort to fight the spread of COVID-19 (2020).
• March 22 is the birthday of astronomer/mathematician Ulugh Beg (1394), Holy Roman emperor Maximilian I (1459), actor Chico Marx (1887), novelist Louis L’Amour (1908), actor Karl Malden (1912), talent agent Lew Wasserman (1913), mime Marcel Marceau (1923), composer Stephen Sondheim (1930), actor William Shatner (1931), drag queen Foo Foo Lammar (1937), International Olympic Committee member Dick Pound (1942), singer-songwriter/guitarist George Benson (1943), singer-songwriter Keith Relf (1943), journalist Wolf Blitzer (1948), composer Andrew Lloyd Webber (1948), sportscaster Bob Costas (1952), figure skater Elvis Stojko (1972), actress Reese Witherspoon (1976), NFL player J. J. Watt (1989), and MLB player Edwin Díaz (1994).

Well, that’s all for now. Keep resisting. We’re in this for the long term. I’m going to take a shower now. I like showers. Enjoy your day.